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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex H is dating a 17 year old and our eldest is 16.

131 replies

user1489096597 · 09/03/2017 22:11

I'm really not keen on this. Our eldest child is 16 and obviously she's only a year older. Eldest thinks it's not right and isn't particularly keen on seeing her dad while he is seeing her but our youngest is 5 and I obviously make that decision. I don't know if it's enough to not be keen on him seeing his dad anymore?

OP posts:

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louispa · 09/03/2017 22:35

I don't think that's right at all...

TitaniasCloset · 09/03/2017 22:37

Eeew!!!

BerylStreep · 09/03/2017 22:37

Nope, I wouldn't stand for this at all. Surely the 17 year old still counts as a child?

Does your ex have form for this?

user1489096597 · 09/03/2017 22:39

Not that I'm aware of. Would he have any hope in a court for seeing him if I said he isn't?

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 09/03/2017 22:45

As long as she's above the age of consent, you can't do anything, but does make me shudder.

I wonder if her parents know. My eldest DD is 17 and if she was dating a man 30+, I'd be besides myself. It's an imbalance.

cavershamtights · 09/03/2017 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1489096597 · 09/03/2017 22:53

44

OP posts:

NoCapes · 09/03/2017 22:55

Eurgh!!!!!

FriendofBill · 09/03/2017 22:57

Oh dear.
Disgusting man.

Let the children make their own choices.

BakeOffBiscuits · 09/03/2017 22:57

Well your dd has every right to feel awful about this and not wish to see her father. It's a perfectly natural response. If your dd is 16 I'm sure the courts can't force her to see him.

CatsBatsEars · 09/03/2017 22:57

Very disturbing.

user1489096597 · 09/03/2017 22:58

I'm talking about the 5 year old. How can he make up his own mind? That's what I meant by courts too, WRT him. I don't think it's appropriate for a 17 year old to potentially become their step-mum. It's incredibly wrong.

OP posts:

cavershamtights · 09/03/2017 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonaldStott · 09/03/2017 23:06

Omg. That is gross. No wonder your dd is refusing to see him. She is only 12 years older than your youngest. There is a bigger age gap between one of my younger and one of my older siblings!!!!

Makes me shudder. Nearly 30 years older ffs.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 09/03/2017 23:13

Dirty bastard. I'd stop him seeing BOTH children personally.

olderthanyouthink · 09/03/2017 23:14

ick

novemberontrumpwatch · 09/03/2017 23:15

I'd stop him seeing them. It's not appropriate for them to be around.

MrsDustyBusty · 09/03/2017 23:16

That poor child.

It sounds like your ex is having a crisis that will be very painful for your children to have to witness.

HumpMeBogart · 09/03/2017 23:17

How long have they been seeing each other? If it's a few weeks then I think YWNBU to say you don't want him introducing anyone to his kids unless the relationship is serious.

If it's several months or they're living together then I don't think there's a lot you can do... I know it seems odd to most of us, but your five year old won't understand or care about the age gap.

Statistically it's pretty unlikely to last - and the main thing is that your DS is happy. If seeing his dad makes him happy, and as long as she's nice to your son...grin and bear it until it runs its course?

stitchglitched · 09/03/2017 23:17

I'd let him take me to court tbh. I doubt he'd be in any hurry to explain his relationship with a child his daughter's age to a judge. Creepy bastard.

gillybeanz · 09/03/2017 23:18

Isn't a 17 year old a child now, as in school girl attending compulsory education until 18?
Dirty bastard, he'd come nowhere near my dc and I'd be asking ss advice too.

Mo55chop5 · 09/03/2017 23:18

That's just WEIRD

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PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2017 23:19

While I totally agree with how you feel, you can't stop him seeing the children.

He is not abusing or neglecting them, so if you do then it wont look good in court on you at all.

The 16 yeard old can make up her own mind, that wont be an issue in court but if you stopped him seeing the 5 year old on the basis of his girlfriends age, then you would come off worse.

The only thing you can do is try to appeal to him to not introduce the GF to your son. How long has he been seeing her? You WNBU to insist that he only sees your son alone, but even then if he does introduce her then there is very little you can do unless you can prove that she is a risk to him. Being young and stupid enough for fall for a dirty old mans bullshit is not considered a safeguarding issue for your 5 year old, although I honestly feel that it should be for her.

CactusFred · 09/03/2017 23:19

Unfortunately it's only inappropriate if ex was in a position of power over the 17 year old such as teacher or social worker etc. If they met in Starbucks or something then that's technically fine.

MsJudgemental · 09/03/2017 23:20

That's just all shades of wrong. Don't know anything about the legal situation but I hope you get the right advice regarding your 5-year-old. .

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