Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

A man pays for coffee for a first date,,?

(190 Posts)
mydshines Thu 09-Mar-17 15:44:23

I have a date tomorrow. First date was n years. I am excited for the date for numerous reasons mainly I'm over my ex. However we are due to meet up tomorrow and he kept saying we can go to the park, for a walk.
I said no and a coffee will be fine. Anyway my friend was like you don't meet a stranger in a park .
Anyway back to the coffee date. I believe a man should pay for your coffee. Or offer to get you a next one.
Is it a complete deal breaker if you meet someone for a coffee and they don't pay. I completely split if it's like a real date
But I think we'll if at least doesn't offer it shows up a red flag.

wrongnumberEE Thu 09-Mar-17 15:46:40

If he doesnt offer it is a red flag, but you should definitely not insist on him paying!

He will probably also see it as a red flag if you don't offer to pay.

Go halves, it's easier.

user1473256244 Thu 09-Mar-17 15:47:25

Yeah, I met a guy who brought his own coffee. End of the date in my mind, though I saw it through.
I'm all for splitting big dates but I want to be courted a little.

NeedAGoodAnswer Thu 09-Mar-17 15:47:57

Some men are scared of feminists ripping their heads off if they dare to offer to foot the bill or open a door for them, or any chivalry for that matter!

It seems to me they can't win either way.

That said, I prefer it if they pay first date.

CatCafe Thu 09-Mar-17 15:52:08

I think it's nice if they offer, and I'd accept graciously if so. I'm happy enough going dutch though and would definitely insist on paying next time if there was a second date.

What's wrong with a walk in a park for a date though?

TerrorTwilight Thu 09-Mar-17 15:53:09

Why should a man buy it, please? Just take turns or go Dutch. It's bloody 2017.

ZilphasHatpin Thu 09-Mar-17 15:53:47

I always prefer to pay for my own food/drinks/entry fees etc and insist on doing so. Having said that, I also offer to pay for the other person's food/drinks etc (no-one has ever accepted this offer) and I would notice (and take note) if they didn't offer.

KoolKoala07 Thu 09-Mar-17 15:54:10

I think the offer to pay is nice but this is 2017 so wouldn't be a deal breaker.

ScrapThatThen Thu 09-Mar-17 15:55:27

I would offer to buy his, like I do with my friends. If they want to buy me one this time, I say ok I'll get the next one.

HarleyQuinzel Thu 09-Mar-17 15:56:13

No I don't see why he should pay.

I paid for DP's cinema ticket on our first date we are still together 9 years later. He paid for the next one, no big deal.

Underthemoonlight Thu 09-Mar-17 15:56:31

If its a first date I much rather pay for myself it makes me feel uncomfortable when they pay as if im obliged them to see them for another date, I don't mind so much if they offer on the second of third date but then afterwards if i continued to see them i would expect to go halfs.

babyunicornvomit Thu 09-Mar-17 15:58:35

Do you consider yourself equal to him? If so, then pay for your own. Or let him pay but get the next one (and actually do). Especially since he just wanted to go for a walk but you said coffee. smile

littlefrog3 Thu 09-Mar-17 16:00:37

Wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I would be surprised if he didn't offer to pay. I'd give it several more dates and see how things go.

HakeLively Thu 09-Mar-17 16:01:05

Oh we haven't had a 'should the man pay on a date' thread for a few months now have we 🙄

It. Is. 2017. You presumably have access to your own money. I cannot think of a compelling reason why the expectation should fall to the man to buy your coffee just because he has a penis. If he offers and you want to accept, fine. You could also offer and he would be equally fine to accept. Because you know, it's the 21st century and shit.

Annesmyth123 Thu 09-Mar-17 16:01:55

I would split it in a first date.

Me and DP went for a drink in a bar. He bought my drinks but I was driving so it was coke and I left him home after (and went in for "coffee"😇)

ImperialBlether Thu 09-Mar-17 16:02:27

I consider myself equal to my friends but we don't stand at the till and divide bills up to the nearest penny.

ImperialBlether Thu 09-Mar-17 16:03:37

I think the chance of a man who waits for you to pay for his drink being a wannabe cocklodger is quite high, really.

NerrSnerr Thu 09-Mar-17 16:04:22

I don't think a man should automatically have to pay. As pp have said the last person he dated may have been terribly offended by an offer. I would just make sure it's even, if he pays this time then you offer next or just split it/ pay for your own.

SparklingRaspberry Thu 09-Mar-17 16:17:31

Personally I think...

If a man asks a woman on a date, he should pay

If a woman asks a man on a date, she should pay

If he didn't even offer it would be a red flag for me.

mydshines Thu 09-Mar-17 16:27:43

I would agree if it's dinner to split the money. But you are right I want to be courted a little. My ex was very tight. And his idea of a good night in was watch TV together.
So I would like him to pay. But won't say anything if he doesn't. And accept graciously. If he does. But if he doesn't I don't think I go out with him again.
OMG with the coffee man there are no words for that

Birdsbeesandtrees Thu 09-Mar-17 16:35:44

I don't see why he should pay.

I have a date tonight and I'm going to offer to pay. Inearn decent move there's no reason why I shouldn't. confused

wherearemymarbles Thu 09-Mar-17 16:41:08

Personally I think I'd fell a bit embarrassed to split at £5-6 bill.

Id offer to pay or osag letsto play spoof for the bill. That said ive not been in this situation so dont know what the etiquette is!

wherearemymarbles Thu 09-Mar-17 16:42:33

Or say lets play spoof... bloody phone titchy keyboard!!

sunshineandshow3rs Thu 09-Mar-17 16:49:29

Basically, just because he has a penis he should pay? hmm

You wouldn't go out with him again if he doesn't pay? Wow. Lucky escape for him.

If someone offered to pay, I would happily accept, but I would insist on getting the next one. No point splitting the bill down the middle for 2 drinks but if it happened that we ordered separately or whatever I wouldn't give it a second thought. Absolutely should not be a 'red flag' or a deal breaker. Fucking hell.

PushingThru Thu 09-Mar-17 16:50:41

It's a compatibility factor... if you do like / don't like / being paid for / splitting bills etc. and they don't agree with you - then you're probably not going to get on. And as for the 'poor men can't win' comment - what are they trying to 'win'? People should be themselves and wear their values and attitudes on their sleeves to see if they're compatible with each other.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: