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Today's the day I admit I'm in a destructive abusive relationship

(101 Posts)
OFGSIsItTheWeekendYet Thu 09-Mar-17 10:48:03

I feel like one of those people you see in films that go to AA, stand up and introduce themselves as an addict for the first time.
The realisation has dawned on me....I'm being destroyed emotionally and mentally by someone who tells me they love me.
I've finally realised that I'm not crazy, I'm not mental, I don't need help. I've actually had enough of being woken up to him moaning about the latest thing I've done wrong. I absolutely 100% know that I'm fed up of trying to explain myself only to have everything I know to be true to be twisted and turned until I feel like I want to scream.
I'm sick of feeling sick while I try to not react because when I do he says 'see I told you that you're irrational and sick'.
I'm tired of feeling tired of this cycle of 'i love you,you're beautiful ' to 'youre a sick cunt with no class'.
I'm fed up of listening to him spew his vile abuseive derogatory words at me, about me, my family, my son.
I cannot live in a home where I always say the wrong thing, act the wrong way, respond incorrectly. One where I listen to his angry POV then be told to go away, shut up or fuck off when it's my turn to talk.
I will not be told that his verbally aggressive manner is my fault because I've pissed him off, that if I was to be happy, smile more, be more reasonable that we would get on so much better.
God it's like a lightning hitting me....I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE CALLED STUPID, FUCKED UP, A SCUMBAG, A BITCH, A SLUT,A C@*@T*, CRAZY, INCAPABLE OF LOOKING AFTER MYSELF.
I'm home packing his stuff, nicely and neatly (because my mum brought me up with manners) ready for when he gets home. I was pushed this morning and my much loved pet was shuved down the stairs (it's OK.... this time).
I'm supposed to be at work but I'm sitting here full of emotions. Anger that I've allowed myself (a sane, strong, independent woman, who has raised a son by myself while studying and eventually working full time) to become a victim. I have a home, a family, friends, a career and yet I'm sitting at my table crying because I'm losing the man I thought he was, the one that's nice,loving caring but at the same time hurts me so much.

category12 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:50:21

flowers You can do this.

pog100 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:51:54

Good luck. It is as plain as day that you are doing the right thing!

MusicToMyEars800 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:53:06

flowers good for you OP, just make sure you are safe! you have friends and family that will support you and I will be here if you need extra support.. fwiw I think you have shown amazing strength, keep us posted things will be ok.

frenchfancy Thu 09-Mar-17 10:53:53

Be strong. You are worth so much more than this.

redannie118 Thu 09-Mar-17 10:54:24

So brave. Keep going 5 minutes at a time. You will NEVER regret thisflowers

xStefx Thu 09-Mar-17 10:56:15

Please do this- I know you feel weak but keep reminding yourself of the awful disgusting words he says to you.

Also, just incase it will help. I read so many woman posting about how much calmer and happier they feel now that they are not being criticized and bullied. Go and have a happy, calm wonderful life.

Cloudyapples Thu 09-Mar-17 10:59:23

You don't need us to tell you you're a brave and strong woman who is going to get though this - read back your post and you'll see it for yourself. It may not be easy, but you know you're doing the right thing. 💐

Tootsiepops Thu 09-Mar-17 11:00:34

Keep safe, and good luck op. Better days are coming flowers

Teabay Thu 09-Mar-17 11:02:59

You are AMAZING!

We are all here for you, you are doing the right thing xx

hellsbellsmelons Thu 09-Mar-17 11:03:32

Can someone be with you when he comes home to take his things?
If not then leave his stuff outside and don't let him in.
Your OP shows how strong you are.
Keep that strength and kick this abusive turd to the curb.
Well done OP!

JonesyAndTheSalad Thu 09-Mar-17 11:05:33

Put them in bloody bin bags. Don't waste your time.

Well done flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 09-Mar-17 11:05:42

That "nice caring kind man" was a mirage, an act to draw you in. It was never real; what you are seeing now is the real him.

Your son and you deserve an abuse free life; the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

I would call Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 and consider enrolling too on their Freedom Programme.

Be and keep safe and do not hesitate to call the police particularly if he does kick off.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 09-Mar-17 11:06:32

I would also leave his things outside; do not let him indoors at all particularly if you are the only adult in the house.

Isadora2007 Thu 09-Mar-17 11:08:29

The biggest loss for me was easier as I realised he actually was never the man I thought he was. That man wouldn't have hurt me in those ways... so it was the letting go of a dream or of an idea...that never really existed. It was tough but not as huge a loss as I'd imagined it would be.

The day I realised I was worth so much more was the day I never looked back.

You Can Do This. 💕

PollytheDolly Thu 09-Mar-17 11:09:07

For you flowers

What a wonderful, strong woman you are. Keep safe xx

TwitterQueen1 Thu 09-Mar-17 11:10:19

You are so brave OP. Well done - you are absolutely doing the right thing. Don't beat yourself up about what you've put up with in the past. Just focus on what you CAN and WILL do in the future.

flowers and many congratulations on the start of your brand new life.

Whirltime Thu 09-Mar-17 11:13:32

You are doing the best thing for you and your son. Your being brave and strong and it's admirable good luck.

Beelzebop Thu 09-Mar-17 11:14:10

That's a brilliant decision! Your post has made me smile. Go for it, but take care and enjoy your freedom! flowers

QuiteLikely5 Thu 09-Mar-17 11:14:16

Well done.

It is really not a wise idea to hand those belongings over in person. Can't you get someone to drop them off at his parents/friends/work?

Hi kicked your pet down the stairs? So cruel please don't take this man back. He will come begging, you do realise that?

Imagine how safe and happy your pet and son will feel if he is out of the home

debbs77 Thu 09-Mar-17 11:37:23

Well done! You are brilliant!

I also advise leaving his stuff outside. It might also be worth calling the 111 (is that right?) Not emergency number to give them a heads up and they might be able to put a flag or your number or something?

Blackbird82 Thu 09-Mar-17 11:41:07

You are SO doing the right thing. We are all rooting for you, this is no way to live. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you with respect, kindness and dignity. Your son and pet are also suffering at the hands of this arsehole.

Please, keep yourself safe but get him out of your life. I'm assuming you have no ties, not married, don't jointly own the home?

ohfourfoxache Thu 09-Mar-17 11:44:52

You are absolutely bloody amazing, do you know that?

You can do this. You deserve to be happy.

Stay strong, take one step at a time and get the fucker out thanks

BertieBotts Thu 09-Mar-17 11:50:05

I can feel the strength and anger in your words. That's a good thing. You're in the right place for this, keep going! It's so worth it and you deserve so much more.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 09-Mar-17 11:52:42

Calling 101 is a good idea.
Just get them to put priority on your line so if it does kick off they will be out straight away if you call 999.
If he's happy to hurt an animal he could also hurt you.
Protect yourself.

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