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Is it finally over

(8 Posts)
Rosywood Thu 09-Mar-17 07:29:42

Been with dh 15 years married 5. We have 5children. He has lied about things, some small and some bigger things, in the past. We have split up twice before. Things still aren't great but just ok, day to day we are getting on OK. But he is still keeping things from me, money things, and other things, not huge things, but things that because he has previously lied a lot, they all amount into bigger things, iykswim!! Daily I am feeling anxious about whether or not I did the right thing taking him back, but I do really love him, but no matter how hard I try I know il never trust him. If there's no trust there's nothing right?? Irrelevant if I love him. Can you really live with someone you don't trust?? Please give your experiences /opinions, I am genuinely torn, and my children will be devastated if we split up again, they really have been through a lot. But is it better to end it all once and for all and move on??

Userone1 Thu 09-Mar-17 07:36:15

Unfortunately in my experience love doesn't conquer all. You need trust and respect among other things.

Trust and respect are earned. Not being honest with you is earning nothing.

IF you cannot talk, be open and honest and work things out, then splitting up is for the best.

Splitting up is hard on the children. In and out, back and forth in a relationship is equally, if not more as damaging.

category12 Thu 09-Mar-17 07:45:52

No, you can't, I am afraid. You will gradually lose more and more respect for him. You will never feel emotionally safe with the person you're supposed to be closest to.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 09-Mar-17 11:32:42

As they say - No trust = No relationship
I loved my very recent Ex but he had done too much for me to 'get over' them.
But I don't have 5 kids with him.
Can you take control of all money so at least he can't lie to you about that?
Could you go to counselling together to try to overcome the issues?

Justmuddlingalong Thu 09-Mar-17 11:36:25

My only advice would be, if it's over, it's it's over. Getting back together a 3rd time would be more confusing and unsettling for your kids than a clean break. Good luck with your decision, whatever you do.

Rosywood Thu 09-Mar-17 12:33:06

Thank you ladies, I will not go to counseling with him for the simple reason I'd be to scared what I found out, I just don't trust this man that is ment to b my husband, I will not even go on to Facebook or anything like that for the same reason. I know if we split it will b for good, there will be no going back x

sofability Thu 09-Mar-17 15:34:21

Rosy wood
You stated you don't trust him.. sort out everything else and move on
From bitter experience trust cannot be rebuilt .. sad and debilitating as it is .. it's time to plan for something better for you hugs x

Rosywood Thu 09-Mar-17 16:13:13

You are right sofability, I am finding this out now after taking him back twice already. He is now pretending we are okay and nothing has happened, he always does this, and I end up giving in but I know I need to be stronger. Thanks x

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