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Husband tells me I'm fat and have to lose weight

(68 Posts)
Fedupd0tcom Wed 08-Mar-17 23:17:00

So my dh and I have just had a massive row.

We were talking about how I was messed around when I was pregnant by Drs being rude to me in their tone. He said 'oh they were probably off with you because of your weight'. FFS! I started crying.

I know I'm fat. I'm a size 18 on a good day. I also have pcos and despite many attempts I have always been this size thanks to bloody pcos. I was this size when he married me. He knows this. He's seen me try umpteen diets. He goes baking bloody apple crumble all the time I say I'm on a diet. Supportive much? And gets in a strop if I want to have a salad etc for dinner even if I've made him something substantial.

When I got angry he reiterated that he fancied me although actions speak louder than words and there has been very little action in that department of late. Need I say more. He's never been very romantic. I also know men and society in general don't like me because I don't fit into the be a Size 12 and under or else category.

I'm just so hurt though. I thought he loved me and accepted me as I am. When he lectured me and I stood up for myself he launched at me with do you want to get diabetes then? Why don't you try to lose weight? Do you want to continue having a bad back?

I've tried to lose weight. The diets didn't work and I can't exercise due to slipped disc.

Thanks dh for making me feel like shit.

And to make it worse he knows that tomorrow it's 2 years since my Dad died and my Mum is v ill. Like I have time to think of myself, being a Mum and trying to work and be there for my Mum. Unsympathetic git! I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do. Just hurt by his insensitivity I guess. I know I'm fat and have to something about it. I don't need him breathing down my neck about it as well. sad He just doesn't get how hard it is for me. He has a fab job. His parents are fit and well. And he's so slim and fit. I'm the odd one out. The fat one. Thanks for knocking me over the head with that fact dh.

DJBaggySmalls Wed 08-Mar-17 23:19:35

He strops when you eat salad and strops when you dont? That doesnt sound good flowers

Astro55 Wed 08-Mar-17 23:20:19

Well tell him you know exactly how to lose 14 stone in 5 minutes!!

Wolfiefan Wed 08-Mar-17 23:23:44

Diets don't work. Changing your diet will. I have three slipped discs and lost weight.
He sounds horrid though.

HelenaDove Thu 09-Mar-17 00:00:08

YY Baggy Its almost as though he wants her to be in the wrong isnt it?

Im thinking OW.

Fedupd0tcom Thu 09-Mar-17 00:05:11

I think there is a ow too sad. I've suspected it for a year or so. Who can blame him, I suppose? I've confronted him about it. He vociferously denies it. I'm not convinced.

HelenaDove Thu 09-Mar-17 00:21:19

Fed Up, OW or not he is treating you appallingly. He is gaslighting you.

And its nothing to do with how you look. Cheryl Cole was cheated on.

Hes a knob

scoobydoo1971 Thu 09-Mar-17 00:57:28

The weight issue and your DH attitude are separate. He should be supportive, but some men are not designed for empathy sadly. I replied to your message because we have much in common. PCOS, herniated disc (plus 13 other medical conditions in my case), my Dad died and I am carer to my mother who had cancer, on top of running my business and raising two children, and feeling poorly. Life is tough and there was a time when I was 14 stone 7lbs thanks to insulin resistant pcos. Metformin works for some women with this condition and it certainly helped me (I am now 9 stone 8lbs and need to gain weight if anything). I have Ehlers Danlos, anaemia, interstitial cystitis, underactive thyroid as well as pcos, which all make you feel exhausted and in pain. I would never make it to the gym or the pool so I exercise by walking. It deals with stress and if you do that for 20-30 mins a few times a week then you may start feeling better and more confident about yourself. It may make you feel more resilient with regards to your other-half. Diets don't work, we all fall off them sooner or later, but there are treatments available for pcos so maybe ask your GP to see an endocrine consultant?

HelenaDove Thu 09-Mar-17 02:35:49

scooby is right They are two separate issues. Ive gone from a 28 down to a 14 You have to have confidence and faith in yourself but i dont think your H wants you to have any confidence which is why hes emotionally abusing you in the way that he is.

whattodowiththepoo Thu 09-Mar-17 04:59:45

I remember your other threads, you need to end the relationship.

ChishandFips33 Thu 09-Mar-17 05:06:53

Lose him (instant weight loss) grin

Seriously though you need to consider your relationship before you can begin to feel better about yourself - he is emotionally controlling/manipulating you and stripping you of your self worth and self esteem

If he's always known you at this size it's his issue - not yours!

Whatever you do, do it for you - don't rely on him to give you your confidence back tosser

PollytheDolly Thu 09-Mar-17 05:20:47

Well he sounds adorable hmm

You don't need him in your life. He's keeping you suppressed with low self esteem. Things will change for you once you get rid of him.

Bottom line is you can lose weight and you will feel great but he will always be an ugly person on the inside.

Shayelle Thu 09-Mar-17 05:24:40

You sound lovely. He sounds like a fcking knob. flowers

Thefitfatty Thu 09-Mar-17 05:49:15

He's a dick. End of. Whether you want to lose weight for you is an entirely different matter, he's just using something that he knows hurts your feelings to hurt you.

Bluntness100 Thu 09-Mar-17 05:57:37

I agree two seperate issues here.

Firstly the relationship with your husband, it doesn't sound like either of you are happy, he may be cheating, and he's clearly being insensitive to you and using your weight as a sick to beat you with. You need to deal with this you both do. Why do you think he is cheating?

The second issue is your weight and how you feel about it. If you're happy there is no issue but it seems you are not. If not then see a doctor for your medical conditions, ask for their advice on losing weight, and start to make slow but steady lifestyle changes.

Both issues are seperate so you need to deal with them separately.

picklemepopcorn Thu 09-Mar-17 06:04:02

He was really unkind. And often is by the sound of it.

PhoenixJasmine Thu 09-Mar-17 06:04:23

My word, what an idiot. Dump him, he doesn't respect you. It sounds like he thinks you should be grateful that he still fancies you even though you're SO FAT! shock How magnanimous of him hmm. Stropping like a child is all to try and control your behaviour.

You can lose weight - it's likely he'll always be a dick, sadly.

PhoenixJasmine Thu 09-Mar-17 06:06:35

Just in case it wasn't clear, that was sarcasm. Whether you're overweight/obese or not is a separate issue from both 1. Whether someone who really loves the you inside fancies you and 2. The fact that it sounds like the relationship is dead in the water.

I'm sorry flowers

Idrinkandiknowstuff Thu 09-Mar-17 06:07:52

I too think you need to lose weight OP. About 14 stone, the sooner the better.

Miserylovescompany2 Thu 09-Mar-17 06:40:53

He sounds delightful. Thing is OP, you can lose the weight when you are ready...he's going to be stuck with his ugly attitude for life.

If this shite he's spewing isn't normally what he's like? Then I bet he's being a complete cunt for a reason. I bet that's to make you look like the bad one. He'll have an make you end the relationship.

He's already pulled away physically, now he's pulling away emotionally.

You haven't changed OP. He has.

My advice. Don't bite the bait. Let him show himself up for who he really is.

Get your ducks in a row...

PhoenixJasmine Thu 09-Mar-17 06:44:38

What do you mean by that misery, that OP should remain in this situation (essentially suffering emotional abuse, from the sound of things) until her husband is either caught out or decides he's had enough?

SituationNormalAllFuctup Thu 09-Mar-17 06:44:44

Yeah lose 80 kilos of ugly fat as long as his mouth goes with him eh !

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Thu 09-Mar-17 06:50:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Miserylovescompany2 Thu 09-Mar-17 06:52:37

I mean until she has sorted out finances etc...hence the gets your ducks in a row.

He wants her to bite. He is systematically pressing her buttons to make her bite. That's why I suggested doing the opposite.

He's upping his game.

Once ducks are in a row. Tell him to leave. If he hasn't already.

FrenchLavender Thu 09-Mar-17 06:56:05

Diets don't work. Changing your diet will

Oh for crying out loud, I hate it when people trot that phrase out. You realise that 'dieting' and 'changing your diet' are exactly the same thing, don't you?

When people say they are on a diet they just mean they are watching what they eat and doing something proactive in a way that will hopefully cause them to lose weight. If you are fat then the only cast iron way to reverse that (to some degree) is to eat differently. not necessarily less, but differently. Exercise will help a bit but it won't work on its own.

Your 'diet' or the 'changes to your diet' whatever you want to call it, It may or may not work, depending on what you do and how well you do it, but either way they are the same blooming thing.

OP have to tried to stick to a low carb high fat diet? Or 'way of eating' as people prefer to call it, because of the stigma surrounding the D word?

It's been a revelation for lots of women with PCOS but you do have to really commit to it and no yo-yo back and forth in shirt time frames or you can end up bigger.

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