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How plausible is this explanation? Please ask your (male) dp...

130 replies

Jellybellyqueen · 08/03/2017 11:08

If this sounds vaguely familiar, it's because I have mentioned it in posts before, as it relates to other things. I'm having a hard time trying to sort stuff out in my head and would really welcome some opinions on whether this explanation is plausible, or really a load of BS and unlikely in the extreme. This is the initial incident which happened a long time ago (approx 20 years, 7 years into a LTR) but may be relevant to something I found out more recently...Not sure what may be relevant, so here's the lot:

When OH initially asked me out he was already in a relationship, I told him I'd go out with him if he was, he finished with her (which I wasn't expecting), we started going out. Lived together at Uni, then separately while he did a post grad, though still as a LTR (exclusive, I think). After a few years we lived together again while he worked and I did a post grad. He still regularly met up with a group of ppl he had studied with , one of which he developed feelings for (he says later on, but not sure if it's relevant here). I was in no way jealous/controlling and trusted him implicitly at this point, so had no problem with him going out to a show alone with this woman.
The incident: He was going on a work conference, a weekend away (can't remember where) , he and his group of friends were in the same profession, so any of this group could have been there. At this point I was not aware we were having any relationship difficulties. He left, kissing and hugging goodbye as usual. I discovered he had taken a condom with him. When he phoned on arrival, he would not give me a room number or contact number for reception/front desk. This was before mobile phones were common!

When he got back I asked him what he had done. Denied everything, finally admitted to taking a condom, but said he had not slept with anyone. However, he had not brought it back. He said he had decided not to go ahead with it and had thrown it away. In the bin in his room. Because he wasn't going to use it. Much later, he said he had probably thrown it away because he hadn't wanted me to find it in his bag.

My issues with this are: if he wasn't aware that I knew he had taken it, why would he think I would find it in his bag? Which he had packed, and would unpack himself. Why would you throw it away in the bin in your room? It's still available if you wanted it.

So my Q is this: If you had planned on shagging someone else on a work do, but maybe didn't get the opportunity, would you throw the condom away so there would be no chance of someone finding it in your bag? I would have thought it would have been better to sneak it back in the pack at home so I wouldn't know there had been one missing. ( Obviously his gaslighting skills weren't as highly developed back then.)

Would I be a total mug to believe this, as it reeks of a desperate excuse, or is this how men think?

Apparently, he'd heard these things could get pretty wild, so he must have really fancied his chances.

I think that's everything. Thanks for reading this far, would appreciate a male view on this if possible.

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NotDavidTennant · 08/03/2017 11:15

Most likely he did use the condom, but even if he didn't he went to the conference with the intention of cheating on you. He can't be trusted either way.