I'm in such a mess. I really need some handholding on how to get through this, because I don't know how to.
I've been separated from DS father for almost a year. 6 months ago I met a wonderful, loving, caring man. He's younger than me (10 years+) and we're at very different life stages, me with a child, him still deciding what he wants to do with his life, but we have an amazing connection that I haven't felt with anyone else. His passion is travelling and from the outset he has been honest about wanting to keep doing that, so rationally I knew that being with him couldn't be a long term thing, that I shouldn't let myself get emotionally involved ... so of course here I am 6 months later, in love, and he's leaving for the other side of the world in 2 months. I knew it was coming, but he's just confirmed the date and I'm devastated.
He tells me he loves me and that he wants us to be together but, like me, recognises that we're at very different stages in our lives and that I can't just up sticks and move to a different country. On a rational level I completely get that he needs to live his life and do the things that he needs to do. I would never tell him not to go as I know this is his dream, but the thought of him leaving, of never seeing him again, is breaking my heart. I know I was an idiot for ever getting involved with him and that I have to let him go, but I don't know how I'm going to get through it.
He keeps telling me that he loves me, that this is breaking his heart too, that he never meant to get this involved, but ultimately I know he is choosing to leave me and that hurts. We both went into this relationship knowing it would end this way, but he's leaving for a life of excitement and new possibilities and I'll go back to my old life which is going to feel so empty without him.
He tells me how wonderful I am, that I deserve to be happy, that I'll have men queueing up to date me, but that misses the bloody point. I love him and I want him. I wasn't looking to get into a relationship when I met him, I'm with him because of him. The thought that I could meet someone else in the future doesn't in any way help me with getting over the heartbreak of losing him now, or the frustration of knowing that if our life situations were different we could make this work.
Emotionally I'm all over the place. I go from being angry, to accepting of the situation, to feeling this terrible sadness. On the one hand I feel like I wouldn't exchange the happiness he's brought me for anything, other times I just wish I'd never met him so I wouldn't be feeling like this.
He wants us to keep seeing each other between now and when he leaves and he wants to keep in touch when he's gone. I want those things too, because the alternative makes me feel ill, but I don't know if I should. I just know I'm an idiot for getting involved with him and that I've caused myself this hurt.
If anyone has any wise words for getting through this I'd appreciate it, because right now I feel so weak and low.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
He says he loves me but he's leaving
sorensencarlisle · 08/03/2017 10:01
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