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Jealous of my mother in law

(17 Posts)
missionmumlondon Wed 08-Mar-17 03:37:16

I'm a new Mum if a 4 week old baby, had really bad baby blues in the first 2-3 weeks and now feel better.

My husband has always been a mummy's boy and I've always admired that. However, this has become a problem since I've given birth. He priorities his mum over me sometimes. For example, the day after I've given birth, he invited his mum over to stay. The first thing he did when he woke up was to spend time with his mum and not me and the baby. I have never really quite gotten over it and I'm still really sad thinking about it.

Mother's Day is coming up. He yet again wants to spend time with his mum but I just want a quiet one, just the three of us. Is it selfish of me? It's my first Mother's Day...

HicDraconis Wed 08-Mar-17 04:15:58

The day after birth thing - yes, that's ridiculous. Fine to be excited and want his mother involved with her new grandchild but totally not fine to invite her over to stay the day after you've given birth (a visit maybe, but staying no unless you get on with her really really well); even more not fine to prioritise time with her over time with you and a brand new baby.

Mother's Day - is a little selfish of you, yes. She didn't stop being his mother when you gave birth to his child and it is understandable he would still want to spend some time with her on Mother's Day. It would be unreasonable of him to want to spend the whole day with her, but a couple of hours for a visit / afternoon tea etc I wouldn't mind. I would be very sad not to see my sons for an hour or two on Mother's Day once they had grown up.

captgill Wed 08-Mar-17 04:16:07

About to go to bed but just wanted to say that you are not being unreasonable or selfish. The problem is with your husband. Try to set the boundaries now because otherwise a pattern will be established.
You have only just given birth and it sounds like things haven't been easy. Take care of yourself and be clear to your husband what you need. Hopefully he will get it.
Big hugs - hoping it gets easier.

highinthesky Wed 08-Mar-17 04:35:29

YANBU.

Is it the push (him) or the pull (her)? Give this some thought before you tackle it. Most men understand that once they have their own wife and family, they come first. It looks like you might have to spell it out to him.

RNBrie Wed 08-Mar-17 05:38:25

Have you tried mixing it in a bottle rather than using syringes?

Holly3434 Wed 08-Mar-17 06:01:29

I'd play it quietly as his mum could take offence this can cause a rift and feel like you don't want her involved.I'd tell him straight tho, baby comes first you come second his mother now comes third time to grow up

RNBrie Wed 08-Mar-17 06:12:10

Sorry! Wrong thread blush

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 08-Mar-17 06:20:54

With a new baby, your first Mother's Day is really special and he should respect that. The baby will sleep at some stage. He can perhaps pop over then if local and you can get a bit of shut eye yourself.

missionmumlondon Wed 08-Mar-17 07:54:30

Thank you all for your replies. I would have my mother in law over for a bit or we would pop over to hers for a bit if she lived closer. We live in London and she's about 3 hours drive away. So whenever she visits, it's either a long day visit or overnights.

I have spoken to my husband and he's very understanding and simply said 'ok, no problem.' And then he smiled at me. I'm so relieved. Thank you all again.

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 08-Mar-17 08:02:25

Glad he understands smile I agree the first Mothers Day is really special, sharing future ones is lovely but the first one it's allowed to be yours IMO, particularly since you've got a newborn!

Joysmum Wed 08-Mar-17 08:29:45

Do what we do and don't go by the calendar on when you celebrate Mother's Day. We have separate days on which we celebrate my motherhood, and my mothers motherhood. Works for us and places are less busy.

confusionoftheillusion Wed 08-Mar-17 14:44:11

Hang about.... just because you are now a mum your DPs mum now gets sidelined. Ouch.
Could you meet half way and have lunch together or something? You and baby could sleep in car! smile

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 08-Mar-17 17:22:09

Oh FFS there is always one! A card, a phone call and a bunch of flowers are enough, you're showing you're thinking of your mum, you don't need to spend the day with them every single year, that isn't the point of it, the point is to show gratitude. Oh and this year we're spending it with my MIL as her DM has just died so I thought she'd need some support on her FIRST Mothering Sunday without her. Firsts are important, happy and sad ones.

Joysmum Wed 08-Mar-17 17:41:13

Of course you don't need to spend the day with your mum, but I do and my DH used to like to when she was alive. We aren't follows people so that'd be a thoughtless gift for us and a waste, we much prefer to make memories.

That's why having 2 different days is good.

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 08-Mar-17 18:02:59

Sorry joy that wasn't at you, your idea is very sensible!

Joysmum Wed 08-Mar-17 18:32:57

That's the first time anything to do with me has been called sensible. I'll cherish that comment Dartmoor grin

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 08-Mar-17 18:35:27

grin

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