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AIBU? Losing sleep !

(8 Posts)
user1488931930 Wed 08-Mar-17 00:33:33

ISituation- boyfriend is 33, his sibling is 29. Been together 2.5yrs. Their mother has said that she wants to take them on "a family holiday" in the summer.

She is a very lovely woman but I cannot help feeling she is a bit "over nurturing" given their age. Both children call her everyday. If they don't call they she gets upset, they get upset then everyone is unhappy. Same if they don't visit - she will ask why he's not come over and "summon" him to go over for a weekend. He is 33. Am I being unreasonable? I have no problem spending time with her but given that MY mum has not been at the house since last year because I'm away to do with him or his mother...

Because of the summer holiday, I will not get time off with him because the time she wants to take is in the only month I can take and he can't take another 2 weeks off work to go on holiday with me straight after being with her.

The holiday thing happened in years previously too.

I just want opinions if I am justified in my upset about her wanting to be with him or am I being unreasonable to a loving mother ?

Jellybellyqueen Wed 08-Mar-17 00:46:32

He takes 2 weeks off to spend on summer holiday with his mum and sister? Is she by herself otherwise, or have any friends she does stuff with? I can see why she might want to do this, but can't you negotiate with DP for 1 week each? YANBU if he doesn't consider you too.
As no not seeing your own mum, YABU. Just tell him it is fair to spend equal weekend time with each. Unless there are other factors involved. If he refuses, go yourself and be resigned to the fact that he's a mummy's boy and unlikely to change.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Mar-17 09:21:56

Run away.
Sorry but this is not normal.
And if you have DC together things will get far far worse.
It's not worth it for your future mental health.
If you have to then stay together but you stop spending time with them.
Let him go see his mummy and you stay and have your family over.
Why are you neglecting family to spend time with someone else's?
Seems a strange thing to do.
Invite your family over. Let him carry of pacifying mummy dearest.

Honestly, this will be your life.
Get out and get away while you still can!

HappyJanuary Wed 08-Mar-17 10:35:06

Well my mum is on her own and I call her everyday, and see her every other week (lives a few hours away), so it doesn't seem particularly odd to me.

I've been on holiday with my mum and siblings a few times too. Usually my mum says she's going on holiday to a particular place, and offers to pay for us. I think it's nice for her, and I don't mind.

But if you can only take your holiday at a certain time of year while your bf's mum could go anytime, then I do think she's being unreasonable about that. Has your bf asked her to change the dates so he can holiday with you too? Or have a week with each of you?

user1488931930 Wed 08-Mar-17 14:36:46

Thank you for the advice so far.

I have no issue with him being in regular contact, if anything i think that is very much a positive.

What I do find difficult is the attachment he is to her and her to him. I will admit that I am not particularly close to my own mother, through no "bad feeling" we have just never been close close if that makes sense.

He made comment that she feels I am taking him away from her which I think is just life? I'm not banning him, and certainly do not mind spending time with her.

However I do worry about the future in terms of will she ever let go. We have spoken about what the future may bring but I cannot help thinking that to move forward in our relationship I would need to gain her approval and in some ways I sense that I don't fit. I may be just paranoid there...

As for not seeing my own family, we are not particularly close but even then I do go with whatever he says so if we're invited to his families or out for tea I feel I have to say yes. For instance, leaving early seems to upset her sometimes even when I just feel I want to be on our own and just do nothing...

I think the main issue is his parents have always supported him and he has never been allowed to make mistakes and so doing anything without them is difficult??

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Mar-17 14:45:31

He made comment that she feels I am taking him away from her
I'll say it again..... RUN - far and fast!
Your DP is not ready to cut the apron strings.

user1488931930 Wed 08-Mar-17 17:10:57

Thank you for your concern @hellsbellsmelons but this issue aside I am in a very happy relationship. I suppose not (yet) having DC myself I do not fully understand the bond between children and parent and I do not want to cause upset between her and I or indeed DP and her or me...

I suppose I was just trying to gage how best to deal with these - what I feel are - minor issues and how to approach it?? After all my own body clock is ticking and she would be a very good grandmother. I just have never come across a mother/son bond quite so close.

Adora10 Wed 08-Mar-17 17:40:35

It's up to him OP to priorities you over his mother not the other way around.

At 33 he should be telling her you and him are his primary concern but there's room for her too, as long as it suits both him and YOU.

That simple; he does seem oddly attached to her.

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