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'If you weren't pregnant I'd drag you out'

(8 Posts)
Sadadder Tue 07-Mar-17 21:54:04

DH and I had a row about not a lot. Ikea flat pack started it. I was a twat, more than he was. He wanted me out the living room, I refused, he said the above. I'm a bit shocked. I tried to leave but he blocked the front door and begged me not to. DS is asleep so I didn't want to anyway. Now crying in bed with DS. He's said he'll stay on the sofa and texted to apologise. I don't know what to do.

Sadadder Tue 07-Mar-17 22:05:38

I love him so much but I think sometimes we bring out the worst in each other. I don't want DC to grow up with this. I know I'm a lot of the problems, but literally every time I try to explain how his behaviour affects me it gets turned round to 'but you do x'. I KNOW I do things too but he seems totally unwilling to address his own behaviour.

scottishdiem Tue 07-Mar-17 22:05:44

Has this been said or done before? Were you both above and beyond any row than you have had before?

Its a very unpleasant thing to say. How quickly did he realise what he said? What was his immediate reaction?

You have to be safe but has there ever been a hint of this before?

scottishdiem Tue 07-Mar-17 22:06:45

If you both wind each other up and you both want to highlight problems in the others behaviour then you need counselling. Both of you and separately.

Sadadder Tue 07-Mar-17 22:13:46

He just thinks it's all me. He tells me I have anxiety (I don't). It wasn't the worst row we've ever had but it was the worst thing ever said. He gets very angry but has never been violent or threatened it. What seemed to tip him over the edge is the last few rows we've had I've tried to stay calm so I can think clearly, not to get too emotional. I think he thinks it means I don't care and it makes everything worse. But I don't want to get in a state and say things I don't mean.

scottishdiem Tue 07-Mar-17 22:18:03

Yeah he has problems about arguments and anger management. He needs help with that before it gets worse. Tell him to go to the doctor to get a referral or pay for it if you can. Also a book on the issue.

He is starting something serious (emotional abuse / gaslighting) by blaming your non existant anxiety and placing blame on you and it will drag you down. It needs stopped now.

If he isnt good with face-to-face chats about behaviour do a letter explaining how you feel. He needs to know.

And you need to know now how he is going to treat you in future.

Hermonie2016 Wed 08-Mar-17 00:09:46

Are you ever able to talk? Do you feel issues get resolved?

I think being calm is actually sensible and I suspect he's escalating as a way to push your buttons.

Every couple needs to find a way to handle differences, frustrations or conflicts.
Can you talk to him about ways to handle conflict, suggest a process that works for you both.
It could be that when it gets heated you agree a time out but promise to talk again in a few hours.When you talk, each of you have a period of time uninterrupted to hear each other.
I hope you can sort it out.I found I could never resolve anything with stbxh, nothing was his fault and he always blamed me.
It's draining to live like this so hope your situation is better.

Klaphat Wed 08-Mar-17 01:53:36

What seemed to tip him over the edge is the last few rows we've had I've tried to stay calm so I can think clearly, not to get too emotional. I think he thinks it means I don't care and it makes everything worse.

Are you sure it doesn't just mean he can't 'win' the argument by accusing you of having 'emotional issues', which frustrates him? Either way this is a pile of shit. You need to find a solution or leave. I'm not sure why you're in bed crying with DS tbh - don't use your kids as an outlet.

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