Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hate my life

(17 Posts)
user1488893370 Tue 07-Mar-17 13:50:06

First time poster, have no one to confide in and want to rant here goes- lost someone very close to me last year hit me really hard I'm struggling but trying to work through it. I'm married, 4 children and a full time student I've worked my butt off to get to university and i'm finally here, husband promised he would support me with house/children while studying but I still seem to be doing everything I did before as well as studying for a degree and I am really starting to resent him. I am very close to quitting my studies after repeatedly (practically) begging my husband for more help with housework, children etc but feel like its falling on deaf ears. He is not interested in anything I have to say, yawns when I try to tell him what I've been learning, does nothing with the kids and my house at the minute is a very miserable place to be. He drunkenly told me a few weeks ago that he has a crush on someone and the reason that he has never pursued it is because she is out of his league (that made me feel great!) We have tried to get passed this but I recently found that he has registered on a sex website, I confronted him about this and he claims it was a pop up from a porn site (thinks I was born yesterday). I stupidly opened up (slightly) to my mother about how I'm feeling and her reply was you CANNOT give up on your relationship think of the children. I feel so alone, sad and fed up.

Whisky2014 Tue 07-Mar-17 13:55:26

Leave him. That's one less problem. How old are the kids? Can they do some chores?

user1488893370 Tue 07-Mar-17 13:59:30

Three of them are under 10 so can do some chores and my eldest is 13 so helps with the washing up, keeping her room clean etc

Whisky2014 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:01:39

Well that will also only get better in time.
Now, why do you want to be with a man who is uninterested in you, treats you like a skivvy and signs up to sex websites? You know you deserve better than that, yes?

MyheartbelongstoG Tue 07-Mar-17 14:02:54

Leave him op.

You are working hard for your future that he will benefit from yet he won't support.

Life is too short for this shit.

user1488893370 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:11:22

If it was just me I would have walked away along time ago, I know I deserve better. However, I'm conscious of how the children will cope with a separation. I just feel so crap at the minute I've been diagnosed with anxiety which was brought on by a bereavement and I don't think he understands how hard it is, he feels like I blame him for everything and I think I am perfect which is far from the truth

Adora10 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:18:32

He is a dead weight, is not interested in you and is actively seeking out other liaisons with women; please find your self respect and get rid, the kids will cope; you need to be happy and I'm afraid if you don't do it, he will soon, he's got one leg out the door already.

Oh and I'd end it for the fact he's a lazy useless git.

HerOtherHalf Tue 07-Mar-17 14:29:37

However, I'm conscious of how the children will cope with a separation.

No worse than they'll cope spending the next 10 years feeling the friction of you suffering in a miserable, loveless relationship.

I've got a bit of a thing for analogies. Here's one that seems appropriate:

If you were on the deck of the Titanic after the iceberg struck, would you refuse to get into a lifeboat in case it sunk too?

user1479305498 Tue 07-Mar-17 15:44:13

I think your anxiety may partly be because of this useless manchild too. You may suprise yourself ! children are very resilient. My friend told her kids and half an hour later they were asking if they were still going to the cinema.It seems harsh, but sometimes children are very good at living "in the present"

Whisky2014 Tue 07-Mar-17 18:51:50

Well you say you beg him for help with housework and do you think he is a good parent?

NewYearNewLife53 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:04:31

Get your qualification and whilst doing so, make plans to leave. Put cash away; get all important documents photocopied. Plan to separate - strategically. Don't trust a word he says. Protect yourself and your children.

kittybiscuits Tue 07-Mar-17 19:06:13

I think, OP, you are way out of his league!

Whisky2014 Tue 07-Mar-17 19:13:11

I agree, kitty. The op is a lot stronger than she realises.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Tue 07-Mar-17 19:25:26

Hi OP, I'm sorry for your loss.🌺🌺🌺
But hey, well done you, for getting a place in Uni, for running a home, whilst studying, for coping through your bereavement, whilst suffering anxiety.
You know where this is going my Lovely, don't you ?
You are already sailing your own ship, lose the excess baggage, and cruise on, you don't need him.
Do not stay with him, because other people think you should.
The children can still see their Dad, they'll be fine.
Be kind to yourself OP, you so deserve it.

SewMeARiver Tue 07-Mar-17 19:33:09

Finish your studies then dump. Its incredibly stressful and frankly I suspect that you will outdo him intellectually once you graduate anyway as he can't be arsed to take an interest now. As a pp said above, you're way out of his league, and when you graduate you'll be even further away.

iremembericod Tue 07-Mar-17 19:44:41

Whatever you do, do not give up your degree

You will need that flowers

MissJC Tue 07-Mar-17 19:51:24

Omg massive respect to you OP for what you are on the cusp of achieving! And you have done all this with absolutely no support, imagine what you could do with a partner who does support you? Reach for the sky, feather your nest and when the time is right (you have a kick ass degree and a belting career) get rid of the useless twunt and meet somebody who appreciates you.

People will only treat you how you let them. Xxxx

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: