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Help me have sex with my husband!

(8 Posts)
NameChangeShame101 Tue 07-Mar-17 11:57:08

My husband and I haven't had sex for 2 YEARS! Neither of us want a sexless marriage, but due to circumstances around me working through childhood abuse with a therapist, our sexual relationship has became non existent. We have not had since since we conceived our one year old.

Help! I want to. I'm a bit scared of being vulnerable. He definitely wants to, but is so wonderful and patient. Really fucking patient.

oleoleoleole Tue 07-Mar-17 12:04:46

Maybe talk to your therapist as you've perhaps got so far and need the push to reignite things. Also couples therapy so he understands your feelings of vulnerability.

NameChangeShame101 Tue 07-Mar-17 12:11:54

Thank you for responding. I should clarify, I have recently finished therapy. I briefly spoke with my therapist towards the end of my sessions. She thinks it's just a matter of having a few wines for Dutch courage.

I'm on meds that I can't drink on now. confused

Hacpac Tue 07-Mar-17 12:56:41

Could you maybe start slowly with some touch and massage in the knowledge that it won't be leading to sex initially. It will help you to reconnect with each other. They use this strategy at sexual counselling at Relate.

Tenshidarkangel Tue 07-Mar-17 13:01:15

Agree with PP. Start slow.

A massage one night, the next some candles and him just giving you attention the next, Maybe a shower together the next with just mutual touching.
Build up to the sex. You don't need to finish the race in one night. Take it slow, that way you can adjust without the full whammy and by the end you'll be tearing each others clothes off.

noego Tue 07-Mar-17 13:07:15

Tantric methods can help.
It's about discovering intimacy without sex initially. Then leads onto sex ultimately. Re-discovering each other physically with intimacy builds that sensuous feeling towards each other.
I would suggest both of you research it together.
It is not about just getting down to it.
Spend a day building the experience. Cooking together, eating together, bathing together, sharing together, create the right ambience with music, scents etc. Don't try and DTD the first time it might take a while, don't rush it, when you are ready you will both be ready to DTD. it also builds a bond, gives confidence in both your body and his and builds the intimacy.

InTheMoodForLove Tue 07-Mar-17 13:14:08

if you both feel ready to try again it can be a very exciting time OP smile
Pretend you just met and go for a date, if you can get babysitter / childcare in place
No pressure to have PIV sex, start from scratch. Lot of teasing and flirting
Lots of snogging and naked bodies to stroke. Get some new skivvies something pretty to feel good in your skin, a good body oil. Decide your will not DTD completely, or make a date for it in a week time and build up for it. But first and foremost talk about it a lot with your DH, add texting into the mix...

Sounds like you are in a better place mentally. Good luck

NameChangeShame101 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:02:35

This is all really good advice. Thank you.

I am going to speak to him about it all tonight.

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