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Fed up

(14 Posts)
Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 11:00:59

DP and I have been together over 20 years. We haven't had sex in months - down to me as I just don't feel like it. We don't talk about it - he doesn't do talking.
We fell out last night over a misunderstanding about holidays (he claims he told me he couldn't do a certain week, but he didnt).We didn't talk this morning.

I'm fed up with this, fed up with having no emotional connection with him.

Usual story of me having no family nearby, few friends, not being able to cope financially alone.

The thought of separating breaks my heart, but the thought of carrying on like this fills me with sadness.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 07-Mar-17 11:02:56

Do you work?
Do you have DC?
Could you move closer to your family?
It may seem impossible but it's not.

Adora10 Tue 07-Mar-17 11:03:37

Do your research and see what you would be entitled to if living as a single person; breaking up a couple does mean surviving on your own but it's doable; women on here with kids are doing it all the time; what about a room in a shared flat?

Or, is it possible you two could go for counselling, see if you can get the romance back? Sometimes things come to a natural end but it takes a while to realise this but remember, life is short.

Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 11:04:30

I work pt, 2 dc, couldn't move nearer family as I wouldn't want to take my dc away from family here.

Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 11:06:02

There is no way I would consider moving to shared accommodation -that would be worse than this.

Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 11:07:28

Counselling of some sort might be an option - can't see dp agreeing to it though.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 07-Mar-17 11:11:29

Get onto CAB and find out what you would be entitiled to.
How old are the DC?
If young then DP would need to pay maintenance.
Is the house owned?
By both of you?

Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 11:23:26

I don't WANT to split up with him. We've been together through all our adult life. Our kids would be devastated - WE'D be devastated. Apart fron his refusal to speak about things he's wonderful. He's kind, and funny, and beautiful and clever. He's the other half of me.

Jellybellyqueen Tue 07-Mar-17 11:35:46

What DO you want to do then, OP? What would you want to change, how can you see it happening?

user1479305498 Tue 07-Mar-17 12:15:37

someone can be kind and funny, beautiful and clever and it still not be working. Believe me I know.

Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 13:01:39

But surEly relationships can't be all passion and lust for ever? Maybe this is just a blip? I want to know that he cares about us, that he values us. I want to be in love with him again.

GurneyGob Tue 07-Mar-17 13:05:20

If you want to stay with your DH then you BOTH need to want to work towards re establishing that emotional connection. He may not like "talking" but he is going to have to. Lay it on the line for him - it may jump start him. Go to counselling and explore why the emotional connection severed and work on ways to reconnect. If he refuses to seek help and work on things then you have your answer.

If you let things fester you will start feeling resentful and there will be a lot more" falling out" and misery all round.

Ginmakesitallok Tue 07-Mar-17 13:13:27

I'm scared to "lay it on the line", what if he does think we should separate?? I know. That's stupid.

TheNaze73 Tue 07-Mar-17 14:17:38

I think you're on a downwood spiral & one or you needs to break it. You've withdrawn sex, he's withdrawn any affection. Something needs to give or your relationship will be done

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