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Ex and contact

(8 Posts)
ConcernedBanana Tue 07-Mar-17 07:44:15

I'm at a loss with what to do and I really need some practical advice.

My Ex has never had our ds(4) without me supervising contact. He left when ds was days old due to lots of reasons.
- He held a knife to me.
- He emptied out my bank account.
- He stabbed himself in the arm with a kitchen knife and pretended he had been mugged of the money from my account.
- He spent every penny in the casino trying to chase his big win to replace the flat deposit money he'd also stolen.
- He'd started using drugs.
- He'd turned into a full blown functioning alcoholic who lied about going to work and faked his own payslips.
- Told me he was paying the rent when he hadn't for months and had changed my number with the letting agency so I wasn't aware.
- Stole and sold most of my electronics that we had put into storage while preparing to move.

When he left he had nowhere to go so started living on the streets, this meant more alcohol and more drugs. I was stupid and wanted to do the right thing so I continued to take ds as a baby to coffee shops where he could see him. Nothing was reported to the police as he'd used my Card and Pin - not that I'd given it, he'd copied it where I hadn't covered the pin pad I imagine.

He got picked up by local housing services and stuck into drug rehab, serviced accommodation etc etc. He's now doing well, had a live in job. But still drinks, it's a problem he will always have. I don't know about drug use, but I can always tell with his drinking.

I have moved on with my life, got married and am currently expecting another child. I have recently told ex this as I'm starting to show, and any contact with ds is still with me also.

Understandably he wants contact with ds without me, but I'm not comfortable letting Ds just go off with him. He's too unreliable and I do not trust him or his judgement. He regularly doesn't turn up for contact as he has 'overslept' and is hungover or smells like he's only just stopped drinking.

I have suggested paying for a contact centre, not 1 on 1 supervision, but with trained people in a safe environment. He doesn't want this, and has demanded that I find an alternative.

Where do I go from here? I have no proof of anything, it was all 4 years ago.

ConcernedBanana Tue 07-Mar-17 07:44:58

Sorry, that was ridiculously long, I even shortened everything.

HeddaGarbled Tue 07-Mar-17 09:21:35

I think your idea of a contact centre is the right one. You've made the suggestion, he's refused. I don't think you need to do anything else at all now.

ConcernedBanana Tue 07-Mar-17 09:42:25

I am hoping you're right, I have my offer and his refusal in writing as I try to keep all contact through messages.

Bluebell9 Tue 07-Mar-17 10:47:54

I would leave it up to him to find an alternative that you are both happy with. He's rejected your suggestion, so now its up to him.

category12 Tue 07-Mar-17 10:55:40

It's not up to you to find an alternative, it's on him.

What you're suggesting is totally reasonable and realistic. Stick to your guns. A contact centre is the best way forward, you have done enough to facilitate.

SandyY2K Wed 08-Mar-17 01:02:52

He did all that and you never reported it? Why on earth not?

In the interests of protecting your son you should have done.

I would say contact centre or nothing. If he tries to kick off, you need to seek legal advice on your next steps, as you need to protect yourselves.

PussInCoutts Wed 08-Mar-17 05:51:28

Absolutely contact centre or nothing. if he really wants to see DS he'll take that option.

Threatening his own DCs DM with a knife FFS. He shouldn't expect you to just say off you go to DS and leave him alone with this dangerous man sperm donor or not

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