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Ridiculous, inappropriate, intense crush on man 20 years my junior

(51 Posts)
standingroomonly Mon 06-Mar-17 17:35:16

Namechanged for this because it's so pathetic but I just need to vent it somewhere. I have developed the most insane, intense and stupid crush on a man I met a few months ago, and it's just getting worse and worse the more time I spend with him. I just can't stop thinking about him and I feel sick every time he's anywhere around.

All this would be ok if I wasn't a) in a long-term relationship and b) old enough to be his mother (he's early 20s)

I have to see him frequently and can't get out of those meetings. For reasons that would be identifying I'm having to spend a lot of time with him over the next few weeks and part of me can't wait and part of me just wants to run away. I feel a bit obsessed; last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get him out of my head. We have to be physically close at times and it's driving me mad.

I feel like a horrible lecherous old woman, and bad for dp because this man is on my mind all the bloody time. I need to find a way to switch these madly inappropriate feelings off but don't know how. He would be horrified if he knew how I feel and I'd be humiliated. My relationship with dp is good and im not going to jeopardise that ( not that this man would be attracted to me anyway!) but I feel like I've been knocked for 6. Has anyone got any advice, even if it's just get a grip, woman!?

wherearemymarbles Mon 06-Mar-17 18:00:42

Get a grip woman!!!! smile

Put it down to mother nature telling you you need to breed with a young, virile man with impeccable genes before menopause hits.

Obviously saying no to Mother Nature is easier said than dome smile

Does bromide work for women i wonder?

standingroomonly Mon 06-Mar-17 18:04:17

God I wish it did!

Mother Nature is making me bloody miserable, the cow. I'm half-thinking of giving up the activity I love just so I don't have to see him, but that's bonkers isn't it?

Is this the menopause hitting? I've genuinely not felt like this about anyone since I was 16...

Arealhumanbeing Mon 06-Mar-17 18:24:26

What do you mean by physically close?!

And how do you know he would be horrified? smile

BeerMuggles Mon 06-Mar-17 18:29:45

well men don't feel ridiculous when they get crushes on women twenty years younger.

ThisIsTheRightTime Mon 06-Mar-17 19:02:30

I hope this reassures you standingroomonly! The same thing happened to me last year. In March, my 27 year old car mechanic bumbled into the office where I was standing and looked into my eyes for a few very long seconds and my knees buckled under me wink For months I was obsessed and he was pretty much all I talked about; I am so grateful to my closest friends ! Truthfully, I think he felt something too because when we did see each other he would blush, lower his gaze, etc. But I just didn't feel right about going forwards with this as he is twenty years younger and I'm a customer of his.

A few months along and we get on fine, he kisses me on the cheek (I live in France) and we send each other the odd message. But nothing actually happened between us.

This too shall pass, although I'm certain the way you feel right now you can't imagine that every being the case. Am I right? smile

standingroomonly Mon 06-Mar-17 19:56:57

Yeah you are right! I just feel embarrassed, like what the hell is the matter with me? It feels really wrong, but I don't know how to get past it. I definitely can't imagine it just fading the way I feel right now.

standingroomonly Mon 06-Mar-17 20:04:55

Areal, we met through a shared interest, part of which sometimes necessitates close physical contact. It sounds dodgier than it is grin

So for a few weeks I didn't really notice him and then recently we've been 'thrown together' and bang, all of a sudden I'm in at the deep end and lying awake at night.

I need tips on how to get past this because I'm on the verge of humiliating myself I think.

Aquasport Mon 06-Mar-17 20:07:16

Are you single?

Aquasport Mon 06-Mar-17 20:08:02

Sorry just re read and you are in a long term relationship - are you happy in that relationship?

Laska5772 Mon 06-Mar-17 20:10:23

Does he remind youof anyone.. perhaps a bf you had when you were younger..I had a terrible crush on my 20 something sailing instructor for a while ( what a cliche!).
it was really, i realised , because he looked so much like one of my first (long lost) loves..
. I kissed him on the cheek (French style) once on greeting him,, his embarrassment was palpable..(good grief , a late 40s woman doing that) !! That cured me.. but I still think of him sometimes, he was so perfect (my DH DS and DD would have laughed at me so much, as they did when i fell for a handsome baker at the farmers market !!)

DevelopingDetritus Mon 06-Mar-17 20:16:02

Have you tried having lots of sex with your partner, hopefully get it out of your system.

Laska5772 Mon 06-Mar-17 20:17:30

Thank god you are alive and human!! i think the way to get through it is a bit of humour , a bit of forgiveness ( to your own self) and a bit of wry reflection.. DONT tell him (or anyone else) .. enjoy the feeling.. but recognise it for what it is .. a crush!

ThisIsTheRightTime Mon 06-Mar-17 20:19:01

Laska5772, having droned on and on to a few male friends of mine last year about my very young car mechanic obsession, it would appear that a lot of young men really hanker after older women! Hell, a 27 year old barman (what is it with 27 year old men? smile ), who I knew superficially for a few months came onto me, all serious and nervous a few months ago; again I didn't have the courage to take that any further either.

standingroomonly, the amount of broken nights' sleep I had over this guy! I found it almost physically painful being that attracted to him. Things weren't made any easier by the fact that both he and I were recovering from longterm relationships breaking up. Never did I imagine feeling so peaceful about this attraction as I do nowadays. Many of my friends tried to encourage me to take things further. I just couldn't. But that's just me. I'm glad he and I are on good terms now.

Wingsofdesire Mon 06-Mar-17 20:21:29

Enjoy it while it's there. It's a great feeling. But do absolutely nothing.

And I would put money on it that he knows. ...

Laska5772 Mon 06-Mar-17 20:22:32

and ooh that handsome baker.. I didnt realise i had 'fallen' for him until one day I was talking to him at the farmers market and turned around to find my lot ( DH dd and DS - all of them- laughing at me! in a good natured way of course) . The ely lovbaker stoped coming to the farmers market and t e family joke now is that DH buried him under a motorway !..

Its no biggie, Just relax and enjoy the fact that you can still appreciate a lovely 'YoungMan'!! ( oooer )

Laska5772 Mon 06-Mar-17 20:33:17

thisis my DH saysjust the same .. I am older than him (but only 3 years so it doesnt count!) Im in my late 50s now, so no way ..

I could imagine the shudder at anyone much younger than me seeing my postmenopause bod even if i was to throw it around !!
that doesnt stop me wearing a bikini on a Greek beach though!

standingroomonly Mon 06-Mar-17 20:36:28

My relationship with my partner isn't the issue. Our sex life is just fine, thanks! Dp is better looking and much more my 'type' than this guy, and we have a very tactile and loving relationship - I could understand this if I was feeling a bit lonely or affection-starved but nothing could be further from the truth.

I just feel like I'm on fire when this man is anywhere near me.

Yeah I suppose I should just enjoy it for what it is but I do feel so guilty about Dp.

Am utterly cringing at the idea that he (the Young Man) might know. God, the horror!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Mon 06-Mar-17 20:40:05

Try to imagine (or even better, witness) him doing something a daft 20-something would do. Puking on a night out, playing Xbox with his mates, being cooked for by his mum when he wakes up at home with a hangover and dirty clothes all over his floor, being stupid with money... whatever it is. That will put a stop to it!

Disclaimer: I know lots of 20-somethings are very capable etc etc. smile

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Mon 06-Mar-17 20:41:15

Obviously don't attempt to witness his morning hangover in his parents' house... you know what I mean, I hope!

ThisIsTheRightTime Mon 06-Mar-17 20:45:48

I like your style Laska5772! smile

Laska5772 Mon 06-Mar-17 20:52:07

Well Thisis at my age there is nothing else for it .. You just gotta Keep on Keeping on , .. gingrinwine

TabbyKitten Mon 06-Mar-17 21:57:00

Is the shared interest archery, per chance?

standingroomonly Mon 06-Mar-17 22:08:47

Haha, no it's not tabby

MagnumPieEye Mon 06-Mar-17 22:35:39

I'm just over a similar madly intense crush on a man 13 years younger. I thought I was going insane. It lasted about five months and then suddenly went away. I'm afraid it might come back though.

Is this seriously a symptom of menopause? Because it was physically painful and I was in tears a lot. It wasn't fun at all.

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