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Lonely

(18 Posts)
JJRJ1002 Mon 06-Mar-17 14:13:11

I feel really lonely.
So many of my friends have shit on me over the years so now I'm left with no friends. It has knocked my confidence in friendship a lot because these were people that I thought I'd be friends for life with.
How do u make new friends at an older age? I have met a number of people through baby groups but I don't just want to talk about babies and all that comes with that, I want to meet new life long friends (like I thought I had) friends you can go out with, go cinema with, go shopping with and have a good chat with.
I have my wonderful children and partner and family but sometimes I feel sad and empty that I don't have friends that I can meet up with and have wine and gossip with. I feel jealous of people who have that.

Beelzebop Mon 06-Mar-17 17:59:32

Hello OP, sounds odd but you're not alone in your loneliness. Me too. I can't offer much help but wanted to say hello. I find social things fairly terrifying so can't do group things easily, do you find that? Xx

highinthesky Mon 06-Mar-17 18:00:34

Start a Meetup group in your area. It can be anything you want it to be!

You sound just like me OP, I'm really lonely and at 42 I'm struggling to meet friends who don't already have a busy social group. I'm a fair bit older than most of the school run mums (Ds is 4) and whilst I do talk to them haven't found any common ground.

I saw an ad on FB for a new WI group starting near me looking to attract a 30-50 age group, with a bit of a more current feel so I'm going to give that a go - is that something you could look into?

JJRJ1002 Mon 06-Mar-17 18:50:16

Hello thank you for your replies.

Beelzebop I'm sorry u find social things terrifying - have u always felt like that? I am actually really friendly and confident around others, but it's just so hard to meet people with the same likes,interests etc and who want or need a 'proper' friend to add to their collection.

And like u englishgirlaproximately I chat to people at the school or at a baby group but it's hard to make small chit chat into actual friendship or you find u have no common ground with them.
I'm not on Facebook so I don't know where else to look for things like that?

I feel great embarrassment that I have no friends so I find it awkward to talk to others when their talking about their friends and going out etc because I have no stories like that of my own and I think if i do get to know that person more they will find out that I have no other friends and that would really mortify me.

I suppose just googling local groups? I'm not sure, I'm not a natural socialiser in large groups and it's really out of my comfort zone to go to something like this. I'm so fed up of having no life though I'm going to make myself do it

alltheworld Mon 06-Mar-17 20:29:34

Used to have loads of kids pre dc but I was a joiner and initiator. Now my free time and money is limited I have lost touch with friends. Most people seem taken up with their own families. So feel lonely too. At best I have acquaintances.

JJRJ1002 Mon 06-Mar-17 21:07:32

Well done englishgirlapproximately it's really good that you're going to push yourself to do it!
I wouldn't know what groups to search tbh.

Alltheworld it's horrible feeling so lonely isn't it. It would be nice to have my own social life. Obviously once you have kids like you say time is limited but it would still be nice to have some social outlet sometimes

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Mon 06-Mar-17 21:19:49

Me too. I'm a bit older than you lot-my DC are grown up, I've drifted from friends, I've got workmates, but they are just that. I tried wi, wasnt for me. There's just me and dh (he has a hobby that he does while I'm at work). I want someone to go shopping or the cinema with too. (My local group is quite a way from us) Small town, so few opportunities.

BorisJohnsonsHair Mon 06-Mar-17 21:28:57

Just wanted to say that I made friends with someone from a baby group and we have nothing in common! We meet for coffee and chat but are absolutely poles apart in every way. But somehow we just "get on". So it might be worth trying to get to know some of the parents because you don't have to talk about DCs all the time.

Thanks jj, it's a few weeks until the first meeting so I've got plenty of time to prepare myself! I've looked at MN meet ups but they're few and far between near me, and every one so far has fallen on a day I can't make. I've looked at the meet up website too but it's all in the city 40 mins away, and what I'd like is a localish mate to meet for a coffee or glass of wine.

I have a couple of work colleagues that I see occasionally for lunch or coffee, but the talk is all work. As much as I like them, apart from work there's not a lot of common ground there either.

Honeyandfizz Mon 06-Mar-17 21:36:33

I'm the same only have one true friend. I do find it lonely at times (luckily I love my own company too), having separated from h last year I decided to try and get out more. I've joined a local running club (it's a collective of all ages, abilities, shapes and sizes) and also just last week a local Pilates class. It's hard going by yourself I've found but I have to push through the nerves and find people are mainly welcoming and friendly.

OhBlissOhJoy Mon 06-Mar-17 21:39:21

I'm lonely too JJ. In fact, I'm having a bit of a cry about it now!
I've posted this many times before but my parents are dead, NC with my only sibling and by default her DCs, no DCs of my own so therefore no "school" way to meet people, a few friends but no-one I would call close. Split up with STBXH 6 months ago.
I've been to a few Meetups but I've lost my confidence over the course of my marriage and find small talk difficult.
I wish I had someone close to that I could have a glass of wine and a giggle with. I'm feeling very sorry for myself this evening and the irony is that I just want to pick up the phone and call someone who would be there for me!!

outabout Mon 06-Mar-17 21:42:05

If there are no 'groups' try making a group? Put a card in newsagent for something you like doing like sewing, hang gliding, walking or anything and see if anyone turns up.
Be a helper at Beavers/Scouts/whichever, they are not entirely for the kids and you can put as much effort in as you like and can support you into doing things you may not have thought of.
Good luck

JJRJ1002 Tue 07-Mar-17 16:03:46

Honeyandfizz well done for signing up for these things. It's good that u r pushing yourself.

Ohblissohjoy I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in the same position that I'm in. That's how I feel I just want someone to have a laugh with and be able to talk to.

Outabout I have spent today looking for groups in my area which u would think would be easy because I live in a big area but there's nothing much for adults but I will keep looking

Delphi2022 Wed 08-Mar-17 00:01:49

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to hear about those so called friends! I would recommend you join a Meetup group. I've joined a few thatvrenarevti my hobbies and meeting some lovely people. The meetup groups are all over the UK. Address: www.meetup.com. Good luck

Howlongtilldinner Wed 08-Mar-17 05:47:22

I think you need to look for 'nice' hobbies/interests as they seem to attract genuine folk. Some years ago I joined a Buddhist group, a very sincere bunch. Walking groups tend to be good for making friends too, these days they're full of all different ages.

I do have friends, not many though, and I am lonely. My friends all have their own lives and families, so I always feel on the periphery.

That's why I hate FB, watching my friends enjoying their lives, makes me feel wholly inadequate. I don't begrudge them at all, I'd just like a piece for me..

outabout Wed 08-Mar-17 08:05:01

Ditch FB and talk to real people. There are a many 'good ones' out there!
@JJR, how old are your children?

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