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New man in my life but concerned he's gay?

(14 Posts)
positivo Mon 06-Mar-17 13:46:34

OK. I've met someone bloody wonderful after separating 15 months ago. We'd chatted online for a few months and we really clicked. When we met it was clear that there is amazing chemistry between us. When he kisses me - it's amazing. He is single. Never been married. Has no kids and only a smattering of long term-ish relationships...we're both in our 40's. I have a high sex drive, am a confident out going woman...men have told me I'm.intimidating in the past (wimps!) Which leads me to my concerns.
We've slept together but I'm instigating the progression from just kissing to getting naked....the sex..what little there is...is fab BUT it takes a while for him to get erect and it doesn't last long, nor has he reached a 'conclusion'. I'm fairly sure it's not me...I'm slim, a long distance runner with curves. I think I'm attractive (!) ...but I find that when we're naked in bed together I'm.surprised by his lack of excitement. He seems really attracted to me and tells me so and from what I can tell is complete genuine
He is adorable.

He works in the fashion industry, is knowledgeable and enjoys clothes. He shows no outward signs, I've teased him gently to see if there's any clue and he quite often comes out with "I'm most definitely a straight man"
Oral sex with me hasn't happened either which is also unusual....
His last relationship was over a year ago and I think he's quite shy in the bedroom but equally quite sensual. sigh he could just be really shy, overwhelmed. I'm.not even sure why I am even thinking this...but I wondered if anyone has had experience of this situation and how they handled it.

I've had a number of dates in the last 15 months and so I know this one is different....

For the record...I'm.not lumping him.in the 'he can't get it up therfore he MUST be gay' category. It's just we really like each other and I could quite easily fall for him...maybe I'm just looking for fault...I don't know! Help!

sweetchilli77 Mon 06-Mar-17 13:49:36

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GuinessPunch Mon 06-Mar-17 13:51:00

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ChicRock Mon 06-Mar-17 13:51:15

Maybe he's a porn hound.

Adora10 Mon 06-Mar-17 13:53:53

There's confidence and then there's arrogance, you're not actually sounding very approachable OP, in fact, you seem to be pretty domineering, perhaps it's you that is putting him off, not sure.

Either way, instead of being so obsessed with sex, try getting to know each other better, form a deeper bond and then the sex should follow; I think you are pushing for something far too early.

teenybean Mon 06-Mar-17 13:54:28

Maybe it's your attitude that's putting him off!

ProseccoBitch Mon 06-Mar-17 13:54:45

If my boyfriend kept insinuating that he thought I was gay I doubt I'd get particularly turned on either. Maybe you should get over your high opinion of yourself and see if that improves things.

DonaldStott Mon 06-Mar-17 13:56:48

If he can't get it up for a self proclaimed attractive, sli. long distance runner, with CURVES I might add!!! Then he is Mos Def as gay as Christmas!!!

Dayna1 Mon 06-Mar-17 13:58:13

Well, I think if you allow him a little more say on the matter what, where and when (not saying you are not doing this, but in case...), then maybe he will perform better?

Suspendersformybelief Mon 06-Mar-17 14:01:14

I don't think you've come across as that OP.
I think you were just trying to demonstrate that you are confident there is/or would usually be a physical attraction there.

And I don't think it sounds like you are obsessed with sex either. In a new relationship, you'd expect him to be keen.

You need to ask him about it though. There are plenty of reasons a man in his forties might not be able to keep an erection, ED, psychological or physical, cocaine use, nerves.

If it was me, I would assume a gorgeous man in his forties, working in the fashion industry would have realised if he was gay by now so it wouldn't be my first conclusion.

Beachedwh4le Mon 06-Mar-17 14:05:22

I had a similar experience with my now DH, I think it was just a stage fright thing with him. Take it slow and maybe just focus on the foreplay a bit more so he's more confident with your body.

TheNaze73 Mon 06-Mar-17 15:01:37

I don't think he's really into you. All that describe, doesn't mean he's gay though

Funnyonion17 Mon 06-Mar-17 15:06:04

He doesn't sound gay. He probably lacks confidence. I doubt very much he would be with you if he wasn't interested in you. Anxiety and low self esteem can give a person 'stage fright' as somebody else put it. Hard to enjoy anything when your anxious!

pocketsaviour Mon 06-Mar-17 15:14:26

How long have you been seeing him? How many times have you had sex? Had you spoken about your sexual tastes before you first went to bed? Did you ask him to go down on you?

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