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I'm upset and hurt and a bit angry

(13 Posts)
CatsGoPurrrr Mon 06-Mar-17 12:20:43

I had a call from my Mum at the weekend. Usual sort of call, I asked her how she was and was told that she was 'worried' about me. I asked why? Because I've 'let myself go'

She doesn't mean that I've let myself go. She means that I've put on weight. And I have, I'm a 14 was a 10.

I'm so bloody hurt. I knew when I saw her last week that she was unhappy with this; she looked me up and down and didn't say a word.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. This started when I was very young and has come from DM and DGM. My sister has disordered eating too. I can easily lose weight: I can cut calories to around 700/day. But it's not healthy or sustainable.

When I'm thin, DM will happily offer compliments etc. When I'm bigger, she won't even look at me.

I've not spoken to her since Saturday, even though she's tried to call and has sent messsages telling me she loves me. Clearly though, she only loves me if I'm thin.

I'm 45 ffs.

Thefitfatty Mon 06-Mar-17 12:23:36

My DM was like this. I had to tell her to stop commenting on my weight. It caused a huge rift for awhile, but she's stopped now. I'm sorry you have to go through this OP.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 06-Mar-17 12:27:46

It definitely sounds as though your DM is the one with the issue, not you.

What would happen if you said something like "for heavens' sake mother, I'm a size 14 and perfectly happy thank you."? Would that shut her up on the subject?

I understand why you feel upset by her comments though.

KoalaDownUnder Mon 06-Mar-17 12:32:23

I abhor this kind of shit.

My parents are like this. First to let you know if you're not looking slim and fit. I'm also around your age.

Rise above, OP, rise above. flowers

CatsGoPurrrr Mon 06-Mar-17 12:33:17

It wouldn't stop her. She is very, very focused on appearances. I tried very hard to be perfect growing up and failed dismally.

If she didn't mention it, she wouldn't look at me. And I mean not look: her eyes sort of slide past and she won't look at my body. It's hard to explain and horrible to be on the receiving end of.

She also wouldn't believe that any one can be fat and happy. She thinks she's helping by pointing this out to me. Dm doesn't care what is have to do to lose weight. How little I'd have to eat. The end justifies the means.

It is really obvious to me now, when it wasn't before because I have a pre teen DD. And the last thing I'd do is test her like DM treats me.

KoalaDownUnder Mon 06-Mar-17 12:33:30

Oh and yeah, give her the cold shoulder for a while if you want to. She deserves it.

user1479305498 Mon 06-Mar-17 12:35:12

A size 14 is hardly "massive" Im a 16/ 18 and feel I look perfectly ok . My mother was like this too but as I havent spoke to her for 14 years its not an issue. If your mum wants to go down that route, shes going about it the right way

AlmaMartyr Mon 06-Mar-17 12:35:27

My parents can be like this, it is devastating. It's never helped either, it just means I have a terrible relationship with my body.

KoalaDownUnder Mon 06-Mar-17 12:38:41

. It's never helped either, it just means I have a terrible relationship with my body.

100% this.

Bunniesncats Mon 06-Mar-17 12:50:43

I had this from my father yesterday. Went visiting with the bf and dad said "you're putting on weight you need to go on a diet you have 3 chins" I said thanks dad and left not long after. Yes I'm overweight I know this but he didn't say anything when he said me a fortnight ago. It made me want to bury myself in chocolate.
Parents can be so mean.

No1maso Mon 06-Mar-17 13:18:11

I've had this too. My Dad even offered me £100 if I got to 10stone because that's what his wife was so that's what I should be...

Thefitfatty Mon 06-Mar-17 16:20:02

I should clarify OP that I had to threaten my DM that I would go NC. I laid out the horrible eating issues my DB and I have because of her focus on appearance. I told her she wouldn't do it to her DGC. I now deal with looks and silence but I'a teaching myself body positivity. It's hard but can be done.

Imi22sleeping Mon 06-Mar-17 16:50:20

Are you me? My mum does this. Sadly ita takig my husband to develop quite a serious eating disorder to shut her up as i cannot bring a diet into our house! Im not goig to twll you to tell her to ahut up or raise above it as ita awful.but i hope your happy in yourself x

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