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Can't deal with these feelings. Please help

(21 Posts)
queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 08:41:37

In short, I fell in love with my best friend. We got together but he ended it because he just didn't feel the right way about me.

Now he's met someone else and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't eat or sleep or concentrate on anything. I know this will pass eventually but please help me deal with this. I have tried and tried but cannot think of anything else. I need to be able to function normally and have just a little break from the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 09:29:44

Anyone? I'm really struggling this morning. The pain feels quite physical

ageingrunner Mon 06-Mar-17 09:34:12

Oh dear that sounds hard. Like you say, you know it will pass and it's just a case of getting through it and keeping on keeping on until you start to feel better, as you know you undoubtedly will. Take one day at a time, congratulate yourself when you do something that makes you feel better, like getting out and going for a walk (do you run at all? If not maybe you could start couch to 5k?). And just be kind to yourself and know you'll have ups and downs, try and keep busy, try not to think about him as much as possible, and gradually you'll realise that you don't care as much and he isn't occupying your whole mind anymore flowers

LostSight Mon 06-Mar-17 09:36:48

Is there another friend or family member you would enjoy seeing? Or is there an activity you enjoy that would distract your mind?

It is very tough to feel that way about a friend, especially if it started to go somewhere, then stopped again.

Hugs in the meantime.

GoodDayToYou Mon 06-Mar-17 09:39:05

Hi queen. So sorry you're going through this. I know it's agony. I don't think there's any way round it - you just have to feel it through. Can you take a few days to cry it out? Maybe try journalling to get it all out of you? Try to reassure yourself too. This is a rite of passage and you will get over it. Time is a great healer. flowers

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 09:44:12

Oh thank you for your replies. They have made me cry which I haven't really been able to do yet. I do like to run but I can't really do that as I'm struggling to eat so I just don't have the energy. I've lost weight too. I haven't really felt able to speak about this to anyone in real life. I do have friends around me.

troodiedoo Mon 06-Mar-17 09:45:21

Sorry for you that's a rubbish place to be in.

You need to be strict with yourself. Allow a set time every morning for moping/ wallowing in self pity then get on with other stuff. Reduce time slot as you get stronger.

If you find yourself getting upset outside of alloted time, give yourself a talking to.

Block him and her on social media if you have them on there.

troodiedoo Mon 06-Mar-17 09:47:09

Running is great. Set a target date for when you will go. Even if it's just to the end of the road and back. flowers

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 09:48:39

The problem is that he's still my best friend. I really really want to get through this without losing him. He also has a daughter who I adore and I don't think I can hurt her by just disappearing from her life.

Greaterexpectations Mon 06-Mar-17 09:55:27

If you're struggling with losing weight why not try some protein shakes or weight gainer powder? That way if you want to start running you won't need to worry about losing weight flowers

ageingrunner Mon 06-Mar-17 10:01:55

You might need to not see either him or his daughter for a while, just to protect yourself while you get stronger. Then reassess whether it's possible for you to still be friends. It sounds a very hard situation, you being friends and also exes. Just protect yourself for now and concentrate on yourself. And try and eat something small but high calorie, cream in coffee, cream in soup, full fat yoghurt, custard. Anything you fancy and think you can eat a bit of. Little and often. Don't let your physical health suffer over this.

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 10:37:12

Thank you. Realistically I know that the friendship might be too hard to keep but I do want to try

Trustyourself2 Mon 06-Mar-17 10:50:15

So sorry you're having such a difficult time. It's probably best to have some distance from him for a while and maybe you'll want to cut ties with him completely. Don't make any decisions now, just concentrate on you and take good care of yourself. Don't worry about not eating, you know your appetite will return soon. Mine took 4 months to get back to anywhere near normal. If you can, drink plenty of water, crackers, soup if you can manage it, bowls of cereal, fruit. Sadly, you know that you'll feel rotten for a while, but it will pass and you'll start to feel better. Talk to friends or family and don't bottle things up. It's an awful time, but you'll be ok.

One year later and I'm feeling much better.

cheeseandpineapple Mon 06-Mar-17 11:04:25

Sorry to hear this OP, sounds like you're in full grief mode.

He might find it difficult to maintain the friendship, particularly if his new relationship develops. His partner may not be comfortable with you if she knows the background. Be ready for that and anticipate it so it's not an additional hurt.

In some ways for the friendship to survive on both sides it might be for the best to give each other some space and distance.

In the meantime accept the pain you're in and avoid suppressing it. Letting it out is a release and will help you heal. If you haven't cried, good to have a bawl.

Let your friends know you need distracting and go out to meet them, go to the cinema/theatre and find other ways to occupy yourself.

Do you work? Try not to let this affect work, soldier on at work and let the emotion out when you're at home.

It absolutely will pass and you will be stronger for it even if it doesn't feel that way yet. Agree also with the previous posters re your appetite coming back and in meantime whatever you eat, make it count.

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 12:18:36

Thank you. I am seeing him tomorrow. I think I will tell him I'm struggling (even though I'm pretty sure he's well aware of that) and to understand if I need some space.

I do work - quite a high pressure professional job and I'm letting things slip a bit. I really need to start eating and sleeping properly again. I wish there was a magic pill I could take.

cheeseandpineapple Mon 06-Mar-17 13:01:18

How long has it been?

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 14:50:21

Its been about 2 months since we 'broke up' but have remained in close contact every day (as friends only). I felt ok about this but this other woman on the scene has really thrown me and made me realise I'm not as ok as I thought I was.

troodiedoo Mon 06-Mar-17 14:58:15

I'm concerned this close contact is hampering your healing process. It's like picking at a scab. Tempting but not helping things.

Might be worth a trip to doctors if you're really struggling to cope day to day?

Trustyourself2 Mon 06-Mar-17 15:48:27

Don't expect yourself to be at any particular stage at any one time. You will heal in your own time. Is there someone at work you'd feel comfortable speaking with about things or would you rather keep it private? Often, work can be a sanctuary from personal turmoil.

queenofawkward Mon 06-Mar-17 16:09:33

I really don't feel like talking about it in real life. It just makes it all the more real and upsetting. Its helping to talk on here a bit. I just want to skip ahead to a point where I can be happy for him and not hurt.

Work has been ok today although I haven't make much progress on the work I am supposed to be doing. I went out for lunch with some friends which forced me to eat and we've had a few laughs which has taken my mind off things somewhat but I still keep remembering and just feeling awful again.

abbsisspartacus Mon 06-Mar-17 16:42:24

I get you I'm in a similar situation it fucking hurts I try to go no contact but he has problems (which will out me if i say what they are) so I end up checking in making sure things are okay ........its easier when I don't

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