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Was this sexual assault?

(11 Posts)
sharksscareme Mon 06-Mar-17 07:44:46

Firstly, this was ages ago and all that and it really hasn't upset me particularly but yesterday I so happened to be going to a tourist attraction near this place and got a sense of deja vu. I've been thinking about it quite a bit.

When I was a lot younger I applied for a job, and since I've namechanged I'll be honest and say it was in a "gentlemans club" hmm I rang up about it, and the man (the owner) I spoke to on the phone asked if I could come in for a job interview and I said I could but I couldn't get over there now as I had no car. Anyway, we arranged to meet near the train station and he'd drive me in. So far so good.

He was telling me on the journey about what the job involved and I can't remember all the details (at least a decade ago) but he was saying a lot of girls said they'd be fine with this and that but then weren't or ran out crying. So he pulled into a country lane (it was end of May, I do remember that and still light) and took his trousers down. He said 'ok, suck it.' I did, I remember laughing nervously and saying 'erm am I definitely going to get the job if I do' blush and he said I would. Then he wanted to put his penis in me. I was REALLY worried as obviously there wasn't a condom. I said this and he said it's okay, I'll come out, I'm just going to put it in you. And then his face was all screwed up and I was saying please, don't come inside me, it's not safe (!) all I could think of was pregnancy!

To be fair he did withdraw but only just before ejaculation.

I suppose I don't think it was sexual assault as it was a very very feeble no and also I wasn't exactly Snow White going for that sort of job. But maybe it was.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme Mon 06-Mar-17 07:59:18

What an absolute disgusting man! It doesn't matter that you were going for a job in that industry he should not have done that to you.
Did you say No? I think if you didn't say no and went with him of your own free will then I don't think it is assault but if you were saying no and then it is. Either way what he did was disgusting! Did you get the job?

PollyPerky Mon 06-Mar-17 08:34:21

Good grief of course it was! He made you suck his cock and then raped you.
Pretty much anyway. Why did you allow this?
I feel sorry for you but can't believe you allowed this to get a job.
To be blunt you were being interviewed for a job as a prostitute and he wanted you to show what you could do.
Did you get the job and was his behaviour repeated? I suppose it's too late now to press charges and he'd say it was consensual. But you were very silly.

Underthemoonlight Mon 06-Mar-17 08:46:56

It's a difficult one he cocered you into doing something you didn't want to do. How old were you? I should NC but I won't when I was 19 at university I was struggling finiacially and working at the local shop near where I lived when a bussiness man gave me a card after serving him. It was for an escort agency but under a different name made it sound like you just went out with them but not have sex. I met him for a drink for and he told me about clients who just wanted to go go out on a date nothing more, for some reason he needed to pop to his flat and stupidly I went with him. He offered me 2grand and he even showed me the cash for me to sleep with him. I quickly excused myself to the toilet and when he wasn't looking I unlocked the door thankfully the keys were in the door and ran home lucky not that far away but far enough. I felt like an idiot because I put myself in a very stupid situation and left myself very vulnerable.

sharksscareme Mon 06-Mar-17 15:43:15

Desperate, rather than silly.

It doesn't bother me.

Just wondering what happened really.

pocketsaviour Mon 06-Mar-17 15:55:24

I think given your description of what was said, your consent was coerced (you thought getting the job was dependent on agreeing to sex.) However it's unlikely such a scenario would be prosecuted.

I have been in similar situations when younger and in my head I have framed them as "a horrible cynical older man manipulated me into having sex that I wouldn't have had if I'd known the full story. It doesn't make me a victim, but I have learned from this to only have sex on my terms and to retain a healthy skepticism about what someone may say to get me into bed."

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Mon 06-Mar-17 15:57:32

He was exercising his power over you, but your response - " Am I definitely going to get the job if I do?" - makes it sound as if you were negotiating the terms of your consent rather than being forced into something you actively didn't want.

It sounds exploitative, he was abusing his power, and you were clearly uncomfortable and taken advantage of - but it doesn't sound as if you said No.

sharksscareme Mon 06-Mar-17 16:04:36

Yeah ... I didn't really feel I could, I suppose. But I didn't consent to sex without a condom but was emotionally rather than physically forced into it, if that makes sense.

FreeNiki Mon 06-Mar-17 16:07:54

There's apparently a whole porn genre about fake agents when no job exists.

Id see if you've wound up online anywhere.

sharksscareme Mon 06-Mar-17 16:47:22

Doubt it, plus the job did exist.

Dadaist Wed 08-Mar-17 00:13:09

I think you were sexually exploited and abused! What a total sleaze bag!,

As for your question, 'Assault' (sexual or other wise) does not have to mean being actually harmed or even physically touched - it means to be put someone in genuine fear of bodily harm. So for example - it was originally defined as 'to draw your sword' and the obvious fear that would give to the person on the end of it that they may suffer harm. Pointing a gun, or brandishing a weapon is also still classed as assault if directed at someone.
Health warning - I'm not a lawyer - (maybe someone can help?) -
But I'd say that if you felt too frightened not to comply and felt in physical danger - then you were assaulted and violated. But without a weapon, raised fists or physical intimidation it's not clear (at least from what you have said) but you will know whether you felt physically threatened.

But regardless of assault, emotional or other pressure can be equally coercive - and equally or even more harmful. But any element of coercion removes consent - and without consent it is rape! To 'consent' under duress is not consent.

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