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Cheated on multiple times - will the stress hurt baby?

(14 Posts)
Ara2 Mon 06-Mar-17 04:31:37

As the title says I recently found out my partner has been cheating on me (likely throughout my pregnancy).

This includes trying it on with my friends.. Using dating websites.. Having unprotected sex.. And then flat out denying it and being verbally abusive when I found out. Refusing to discuss baby since I called him out, refusing to say if he will attend birth, completely stopping any financial support and threatening to sleep with as many women I know as possible. Obviously I'm devistated.

I started having suspicions a few weeks ago, and now I'm in my third trimester so the stress and anxiety has been for a while and it isn't going anywhere - I'm trying to stay relaxed but it's hopeless at the moment as the pain is too much.

I'm really terrified that the stress I'm feeling will damage my baby sad so any views would be appreciated as I'm now stressed out over my stress. I've been crying a lot, panic attacks (infrequently) etc. And generally feeling completely shitty and miserable.

I also had a family bereavement recently which has made me feel even worse!

So any views or advice would be great as I don't have much of a support network unfortunately. sad

fuckoffdailysnail Mon 06-Mar-17 04:45:02

So sorry to read this
I'd give the midwife a call to put her in the picture and express your concerns
You said third trimester how many weeks?

Ara2 Mon 06-Mar-17 04:52:39

32 weeks - I tried CBT as I went to GP when I felt the anxiety starting, and pretty much skipped the waiting list due to pregnancy (previously had to wait 6+ months shock). But found it really unhelpful as it was about changing behaviours etc - I've still had the same routine day to day, just really unhappy in general sad

troodiedoo Mon 06-Mar-17 05:29:02

Sorry to hear that OP. Can't imagine how you must be feeling flowers

You are well rid of this rat, although might not feel like it at the moment.

I had a stressful pregnancy and was quite depressed for different reasons, but my baby and child were fine.

Stress can go hand in hand with not looking after yourself, so I think the most important thing is that you do this with proper nutrition, rest and reduce stress as much as you're able, while planning for life after baby is born.

I strongly recommend you get sti tested asap. Untreated chlamydia can be very bad for baby.

If possible I would avoid him for now, he's not going to do or say anything positive or useful. He will have to provide financial support and there is plenty of help for you to get that from him.

Do you really want him at the birth? I wouldnt. If there is no family member or friend that you might want as your birth partner, please talk to your midwife.

Deep breath, take this one day at a time. You'll get through it flowers

HolidayArmidillo Mon 06-Mar-17 05:54:14

I second an STD test as soon as you can. If he wasn't using protection then he's putting you and your unborn child in harms way too.

verywellspoken Mon 06-Mar-17 06:12:01

I had a stressful time during my first pregnancy and I was also worried about the impact on the baby. My midwife reassured me and when he arrived he was a chilled out little fellow so clearly the womb kept him safe from my stress levels! As others have said though, it is important that you look after yourself as well as you can and it might be good to put ur midwife in the picture. I hope things get better for you.

category12 Mon 06-Mar-17 06:12:14

Are you still with him?

AnyFucker Mon 06-Mar-17 06:34:07

Get an STD test, love. Certain ones can harm your baby

I really hope you have dumped this piece of shit

fuckoffdailysnail Mon 06-Mar-17 07:03:38

Agree with PP about std test, are you still working? Maybe try and start mat leave now so you can rest properly? Have you got RL support? A sister or friend or your mum you can confide in for support and then have at the birth?

Ara2 Mon 06-Mar-17 09:05:55

I just booked in for STD test.

I've told him I know, he's completely denied it and even after showing him the evidence he continued to deny it (??!!).. I am currently just ignoring him, as to be honest I'm a bit scared of what he might do when I tell him it's over. He can be really manipulative and previously when we've had issues he's switched from heartless and completely uncaring to the most sweet and considerate person in the world which is a mindfuck.

I do have a close friend who knows he's a bit of a bastard, and who would love to be there at the birth.

I'm trying to do everything I can do prepare for the baby without him - eating well and being healthy. Troodiedo & Verywellspoken: thank you for sharing!

ElspethFlashman Mon 06-Mar-17 09:10:16

Do NOT put him on the birth cert. Not even if he turns up at the ward with the biggest bunch of flowers in the world. It gives him parental responsibility which = as much right as you re medical treatment, schools, travel etc.

ElspethFlashman Mon 06-Mar-17 09:11:26

And no the stress won't hurt the baby. My Dad was dying throughout my third trimester. Baby was chilled and oblivious and is a lovely happy chap. He clearly was entirely insulated from it.

BevGoldbergsSister Mon 06-Mar-17 09:13:56

Do you live with him? Woukd it be possible for you to just block him?

I had a massively stressful pregnancy and the baby (now at school) is alovely happy cheerful child, it doesnt seem to have had any negaive impact.

Your partner has shown fuck all concern for you or the child though. He coukd have put your baby at risk of a number of STDs, but he cared more about sleeping around and then lying than the health if you and your child. He isnt bothered if the stress affects the baby, is he? Its all about him.

Id reccoment an STD test as soon as possible, dont feel embarrassed they have lots of women attend in your position.

Then arrange for you friend to hold your hand during labour.

Please just ignore this selfish bastard for a while. Concentrate on you and your baby and get as much real life support as possible, even if it means telling everyone what he has done.

Sunshinegirl82 Mon 06-Mar-17 09:21:29

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you at a time when you are vulnerable.

Try not to stress or feel bad about the stress. You can't help how you feel. Babies are born in war zones and crisis situations all the time and do fine. Your baby will be fine. Try and concentrate on what you can control. Eat as well as you can, rest, surround yourself with as much positivity as you can.

I think I would use this time to sort out as much of the practical stuff as you can. Do you live with him? Can you move? Are you working? Are you entitled to any benefits? You have 8 weeks until baby arrives which is enough time to get on top of most things if you set your mind to it. I imagine that you would feel calmer without having to deal with him day in day out so I would cut all contact other than that which is connected to the baby and I would only text or email.

With respect to the birth, perhaps you could consider a doula?

Good luck with everything. This guy is a waste of space and you and the baby will be much better off without him.

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