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If it's just sex for one of the pair but is more for the other...

(13 Posts)
MangosAndPapayas Sun 05-Mar-17 22:05:28

can it ever change for the 'just sex' person?

What makes it change?

I've fallen hugely in love with a man who is just in it for sex. He's seeing other women too. He likes me and we get on but he doesn't care about me. The sex is brilliant - at least for me -seems to be for him too.

I know if I told him I'd met someone/it was over for me/couldn't see him he'd move right along without a backwards glance.

Can I do anything to make it change? Does it ever change? Or if I carry on seeing him am a doomed to just being used for sex until he gets bored with me?

SandyY2K Sun 05-Mar-17 22:12:20

He doesn't see you in the same way as you do him and if it wouldn't phase him if you had another guy, that says it all.

Either stop seeing him or try to detach emotionally.

Kikikaakaa Sun 05-Mar-17 22:16:17

No you can't change someone into liking you more than sexual I don't think, it sounds very clear cut. I don't think there is anything you can do or say apart from be honest. And I really think you need to cut ties before you get really badly hurt, it is not good for anyone to do this one sided feelings with sex involved.
I just dumped/blocked/walked away from one of these situations and it was a really good thing for me. He just wasn't right for me that's all. There must be more than great sex

MangosAndPapayas Sun 05-Mar-17 22:19:08

Yeah I know.

I'm completely in the middle of that film He's Just Not That Into You. That whole thing about " the exception". If you haven't seen it, the point of it is that women hang on "hoping" for guys they adore because someone they knew once met a guy via a one night stand and it turned into true love.

I do know a few couples like this to be fair - FWB that turned into more/philanderers who began relationship still as philanders but then relised woman was for him.

If this does happen, what makes it happen? It cant be ultra ultra rare otherwise no one would know anyone like this. Is always just accidental pot luck?

MangosAndPapayas Sun 05-Mar-17 22:20:50

It just seems so odd that I'd feel so strongly for someone who doesn't feel anything at all. I've never had this before ever. I've only even fallen in love in reciprocal relationships. I don't get it.

Kikikaakaa Sun 05-Mar-17 22:25:13

I've seen that film and felt embarrassed for myself in many ways because I had hung on.

I do know a few people who had a ONS and found love with them but it was a set of circumstances and the right attraction at the right time. Also FWB, people who are friends can fall in love, in most of these situations both parties are open to the possibility of 'more'.

What you describe here is neither of those more likely scenarios, friends who fancy each other, have sex and fall for each other or a ONS with someone you connect with. He likes having sex or dating multiple women and is clearly enjoying single life, possibly not looking to settle down and is careful not to get attached. He isn't looking for the 'more'

Kikikaakaa Sun 05-Mar-17 22:26:30

When I met my boyfriend both of us told each other we were open to the More thing.
But someone who makes it really clear they aren't, don't usually fall for people by accident as they are careful not to iyswim

Ohyesiam Sun 05-Mar-17 22:42:47

I think if you were going to be the exception, you would know by now. Try to walk away op, before you get hurt too badly.

SandyY2K Sun 05-Mar-17 22:49:37

Not everyone is into monogamy. This guy sounds like he enjoys a few women at a time.

Save yourself the heartache and walk away from it.

Toocleverformyowngood Sun 05-Mar-17 23:02:14

As someone who fell in love with someone in it just for the sex, my advice to you would be the following:

Run, run as fast as you possibly can!

Don't pass go & don't collect £200 (it's a scam hmm)

Even if you managed to change his mind about you, the relationship just wouldn't work long term.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 05-Mar-17 23:08:59

I had a fwb. He fell in love with me very quickly but it was just sex for me. We did form a proper relationship and I did return his feelings but the respect that should have been there just wasn't. We even married but it didn't last. He lied and deceived me (not cheated) and I couldn't forgive him as I just didn't have enough respect for our relationship and it wasnt worth as much as it should have been.

Toocleverformyowngood Sun 05-Mar-17 23:25:44

Wishiwas, completely agree with you on that.

After a couple of months into my relationship with my ex (pregnant with his child), I discovered my ex had absolutely no respect for me & assumed I was some sort of sl'g because we started out as FWB's!

noego Sun 05-Mar-17 23:26:10

I am non monogamous, poly and open. I make sure that the people I have relations with enter into the relationship with open eyes.
Are they friends? yes. Are they lovers? yes. Do we share our lives? yes. Are we all single, independent, free and into this kind of lifestyle? Absolutely. Will they want to move on, end our arrangement when they find the one? Yes. Is it okay for them to do that? Absolutely.
If this kind of lifestyle is not for you and you are hanging on to the belief that he will change then I am afraid you are deluding yourself.

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