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Just need to talk

(2 Posts)
Cloud9889 Sun 05-Mar-17 21:14:40

I feel quite isolated. I am in an area where I did not grow up. My parents moved away from where I grew up when I was pregnant with my first child and I decided to move closer to my husbands family as mine were all over the place. My husband often snaps at me, if I try to discuss how it makes me feel its like he holds up a mirror and often just states what I have said back at me. He says I am horrible sometimes. I know I am not an angel but I try to do things and organise nice things for us. He has never been an emotional person but I am finding his lack of enthusiasm sometimes trying. I have asked if he is depressed, he says not. I feel sometimes like so 'out there'. I try so hard to make friends in a city which is a long way from where I called home. I wanted to move closer to home but he didn't really want to hence one of the reasons we are here. I enjoy working but sometimes I feel like I have to make such an effort with people to make friends etc as I do not have any childhood friends here like my husband does. I am jealous, I feel he is so lucky to have friends nearby who he grew up with. He makes little effort to see them wheras I have tried to keep in contact with my 200 mile away friends where possible and I know if I lived nearer I would see them more. I guess what I am trying to say is, although I know its not, I feel sometimes like it is a smack on the mouth when he makes little effort with his friends and I can't see mine as easily as they are so far away but would like to.

Will things ever get easier for me in this new area. I grew up fairly far away from any close family and I feel that living where we do is good for the kids as they have supportive extended family, however I am struggling to be happy as I feel that my home is elsewhere.

Some of the things my husband says to me make me feel too like I am a horrible person. I try to be engaging, to be a good wife, but sometimes it is hard when I feel often undermined. He says I undermine him and I am so confused. Do I undermine him?? I am not sure, I probably do sometimes I guess but I am just not sure.

I sometimes wish I had someone from 'home' to turn to. My parents live close now but my Mum is so busy and has often been a 'good time mum' as in she doesn't have much time for my feelings.

I am sorry to ramble I am just needing to express how I feel somehow as I am really struggling.

The DR has prescribed me sertraline which I am taking and that seems to have helped me feel a little more able to cope.

I just feel like sometimes my relationship should be more happy and joyful than it is. I don't want to leave but I am also not sure how to continue as I feel I have tried to change for him and be a good wife so much and I am not sure what else I can do.

Trustyourself2 Tue 07-Mar-17 23:27:20

Sorry that you're going through such a hard time, it must be very disheartening for you.

I think that your DH owes it to you to work through your problems as a couple, not to blame you for the problems. Would you consider counselling for both of you? If your DH won't go, would you go for yourself? It can be useful even without a DP attending. Why does he tell you that you're horrible?

Having friends so far away is really hard to cope with. Have you looked at support groups on www.meetup.com/cities/gb/ ? If they were near me, I'd go along to something, but unfortunately I can't find one close to where I live.

Have you explained to your parents how isolated you feel and how you'd like to spend more time with them? They might surprise you and become more engaged.

If it was me, I'd be telling my DP, if he's not totally supportive, I'd be reconsidering they relationship.

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