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Please help am I going crazy

(23 Posts)
Aries83 Sun 05-Mar-17 17:59:32

I think I'm going crazy, I've been with the father of my children for seventeen years, I have two children aged 9 and 14, I work as administrator in a hospital, I'm 34yrs old. I cook, clean, do the homework with the kids take the youngest to ballet, my son son to football, I take pride in my appearance and attend the gym. I do love doing all these things because my family means everything to me.

But my problem is at home with him, he says I thick, scatty if I forget things like putting mince in the freezer because I decided to cook something else and left it in the fridge. He says Im thick, scatty, pathetic, always trying compete with him. I don't know how to act as woman almost every other day. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells I just never feel good enough, he finds fault in everything I do. He never listens to me, always cuts me up in conversations and arguments until I even forget what point I was trying to make. I'm starting to second guess my own opinions and mind. I just never feel good enough,
Intcouse is hard because, he says I should get a breast lift because mine are saggy.
I've left him in the past because of this behaviour and always he crystal to my family and me. That he wants his family back.he buys the kids and me expensive gifts and and is the perfect father and partner again. Then rinse and repeat. I'm i the one who's crazy am I being a drama queen. Should I never have an opinion and be greaftull that he provides.

TurnipCake Sun 05-Mar-17 18:01:10

No you are not being a drama queen and you're not going crazy. Your partner is abusive.

MrsMozart Sun 05-Mar-17 18:02:00

Sorry but he sounds like an arse.

And you sound very unhappy. Not crazy.

I'd suggest get out and stay out. Learn to be happy and comfortable again.

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Mar-17 18:03:53

He's awful!

It would help if you wrote his script down and ticked things off as he says them, from "You're thick" to "You won't manage without me" to "You're the only person I really love." Tick, tick, tick and dump.

RandomMess Sun 05-Mar-17 18:03:58

Yeah he's an arse!!!

What do you want to do?

AnyFucker Sun 05-Mar-17 18:05:19

Stop rinsing and repeating then

You know he isn't going to change. You can't change him. If you want something better you will have to sort it yourself...this is your reality.

Aries83 Sun 05-Mar-17 18:07:02

I know I should leave, in so scared I'll loose my home and he'll make my life hell if he doesn't get his own way, do u think counselling would help him

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 05-Mar-17 18:08:15

He sounds an utter delight, I'd fuck him off-you & your children deserve better than this. Stop the 'rinse & repeat'

RandomMess Sun 05-Mar-17 18:14:29

Erm no counselling will just enable him to abuse you in front of someone else...

TurnipCake Sun 05-Mar-17 18:15:15

Your life is hell already.

Counselling isn't going to change someone who is abusive.

Aries83 Sun 05-Mar-17 18:17:24

I know all of u are right I just feel, like I can't control my situation at all I'm stuck and I feel like moving away is my on solution. He contact my family goes to thier houses says in the one who's unresoble. And most time they side with him especially the older generations, I've been taught that submitting is what u do

GoodDayToYou Sun 05-Mar-17 18:19:39

Aries, take a step at a time, that will help it all feel more manageable. Discretely, quietly, get yourself to Citizens Advice and Women's Aid and start gathering info. There are many people who can help you. You've started by posting here. Good luck! flowers

SusieOwl4 Sun 05-Mar-17 18:20:39

How would you feel if someone was saying those things to your children? Perhaps your answer should clarify what is the best environment for them to be raised in? would it be better for them to live with a happy and independent mother or in a stressful family situation. I think only you know the answer.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 05-Mar-17 18:26:50

You have been worn down and crushed by his continual abuse of you over many years. This man hates women, all of them. He is a dangerous individual who could well put you in the morgue in the end.

Those damaging lessons on relationships you have picked up along the way i.e. submitting has led you straight into this position now. You met this person when you were 17 and had no real life experience behind you; you were targeted by this man and actively so. What else did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

What do you think your children are learning here about relationships; would you want this life for them as well?. Currently you are also showing them a shedload of damaging lessons for them to potentially repeat as adults.

Counselling with an abuser is a waste of time; no amount of counselling will help him. Counselling for you and you only would be helpful. You need Womens Aid urgently; 0808 2000 247 is the number you need to call.

What is the situation re the property; whose house is it?.

AnyFucker Sun 05-Mar-17 18:41:22

Please ring Women's Aid and get yourself some support

Aries83 Sun 05-Mar-17 21:04:45

Thank you I will call women's aid, just reading the things all of you are saying, makes me cry, I do feel very worn down your right. And my relationship has nothing positive to teach me children.

This relationship as destructive as it is, is all I've ever known. Both our names are on the mortgage, but he pays for it.
Counceling would have been my last attempt to make him understand how much he hurts me, but again your right and he probably would never agree to it anyway.

Aries83 Sun 05-Mar-17 21:07:02

Thank you so very much, for listening and for all your advise.

You don't know how much it means to me just by being herd

KatharinaRosalie Sun 05-Mar-17 21:09:00

to make him understand how much he hurts me
Oh, he knows. He knows very well. You don't call your partner thick and pathetic by accident.

theansweris42 Sun 05-Mar-17 21:12:51

HOORAY FOR YOU!!
you recognise you've been taught to submit, you have posted.
Your thinking will become clearer now.
It's hard, but you can break free.
And (this is the crucial bit) leaving amd living with your DC will not be as hard as it is living with H.
flowers for you

theansweris42 Sun 05-Mar-17 21:13:25

Keep posting OP x

Yamadori Sun 05-Mar-17 21:14:54

He knows he hurts you. He is an abuser. He likes hurting you - he enjoys it, and he isn't going to change his behaviour.

Please take the very good advice from the other posters on here.

RandomMess Sun 05-Mar-17 21:20:57

Doesn't matter that he pays the mortgage!!! It's a joint asset...

Please prioritise speaking to WA you and the DC deserve so much more.

Secretlife0fbees Sun 05-Mar-17 21:31:23

Aries listen you've started the process now and that's a brilliant first step. Your situation is so so similar to loads of us on here, all of whom are in various stages of leaving.. I have finally made the break and I wouldn't have done it without the tremendous support from people on here. First thing- ring women's aid. They will validate you and tell you what you can do.
Read the Lundy Bancroft book 'why does he do that' I read it several times before I mustered up the courage.
Write things down with DATES, start a diary and in it you can scribble everything; all the names he called you, whether the kids were there, how it made you feel (I started mine about last October), not only will it be evidence if you ever need it but it will help you to re read it when you are feeling all confused about why you're feeling how you are. I had the same thing where I would forget things and get myself tied up in knots and not know who said what in the end, because what they do is... after a series of horrible insults and you react finally and stuick up for yourself he will say that you are the abusive one and you'll start to feel like it's your fault.
We're here for you love. Keep talking to us flowers

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