DH's dad sent this letter in his birthday card five months before our wedding. He had called them three months before to ask if they were coming to the wedding as I was paying the final balance and everything was non-refundable. They said yes.
For background DH's mum doesn't like me and spent the first two years of our relationship talking me down (we met through unconventional means, I'm a different race, I'm quiet, I'm significantly younger etc.). DH (then DP) did not stand up for me, he says he never noticed. It all came to a head in 2013 when I was getting ready to go with them to an event and she asked me where I was going when I responded with them she said that it was a family thing and I couldn't come. DH spoke to her about this, of course she pretended that she didn't mean to upset me.
She then called a few months later and I told DP not to speak about all the past incidents as she would find a way to turn them around. He didn't listen to me and did it anyway. I overheard this conversation and he was saying things like 'Toska thinks you've been really unkind etc', rather than 'I've noticed this. . ' He's really bad at standing up to his parents as they supported him until he was in his early 30s. I'm over 10 years younger and poor I think his parents knew that I would be too eager to make a good impression.
His mother then proceeded to talk about me to his other family members (they told me, one said that she told them I didn't like the way they looked at me!) and send nasty emails and make weekly phone calls to DP/DH about me. The letter I've attached arrive in 2014 a full year after the initial blow up. I've never spoken to them about their emails and letters and they've never apologised to me. DH maintains that after the letter from his dad he spoke to them about three months later and read them the riot act and they were sorry. If I ask when or what was said he says he can't remember (he is dyslexic). We've been arguing about his parents since 2013.
I had a miscarriage in January and I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of worrying about what rumours his parents are spreading about me, I'm tired of saying their names more than I say my own and I'm tired of being excluded. I'm undergoing assessment for Borderline Personality Disorder and have taken antidepressants for the last six years, worrying about all this crap is making me angrier, more destructive and paranoid. I have no rest, I've thought about this letter everyday since it arrived. My parents were abusive and we had social services involvement. I have my own crazy parents to deal with. All DH says is that we have to find a way through this but he doesn't know how.
What would you do?
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Relationships
Still angry about this letter almost three years later
Toska · 05/03/2017 15:29
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