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Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

(1000 Posts)
WavingNotDrowning Sun 05-Mar-17 12:22:10

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.

WavingNotDrowning Sun 05-Mar-17 12:23:07

couldn't see that anyone else had created a new thread. So I thought I would!

Was chatting to a nice man on POF and gave him my number - he's changed into a sex pest in seconds. Hate that.

OutToGetYou Sun 05-Mar-17 12:44:17

Phew, thought I'd lost you all!

Wanted to add:

those who say they 'split their time' I just assume are married and this gives them their up front excuse.

what are some of you doing to get so many sexual messages? Maybe review your profile? But, don't put all that negative rubbish people put, does my head in when profiles go on about how awful most of the site users are, or my pet hate "prove to me there are decent women in this world", no, fuck off.

And - what do people think is the best time to go online and send a few messages? I tend to avoid Sat pm as I reckon it's the players, drunks and bored attached who look then, but maybe I am wrong? I'm not online on there much so wanted to focus.

OutToGetYou Sun 05-Mar-17 12:46:46

WavingNotDrowning at least you knew quickly! My stbx took a few years to 'come out'. Once he thought he was 'safe' he demanded sex, pressured me into it and sulked for days if he didn't get it. He is, even now, telling me how marvelous he was to me because he used to give me a lift to the station for work (once a week, as I stayed over, and I left that job over a year ago... - what a gem he was!).

Mumswallet Sun 05-Mar-17 12:54:18

It's a numbers game with a lot of faith...confused

WavingNotDrowning Sun 05-Mar-17 12:58:39

I hardly get any sex messages online. This guy seemed nice, so switched to whatsapp.

I just feel too tired today to date! I haven't heard from MrCyclist yet and won't chase him.

First thing in the morning is quite a good time I think - less drunken messaging. I like tinder but want people who live near me not just who come into London to work, so I try to aim for times they'll be in their houses.

MagnumPieEye Sun 05-Mar-17 13:15:59

I had a lovely Tinder date on Friday and he hasn't been in touch since texting me when I got home. I've been out of this lark for so long. Should I contact him? I really like him already blush

Or should I just take my mind off it with Match...

WavingNotDrowning Sun 05-Mar-17 13:27:13

what did his text say magnum?

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 13:27:37

Hello everyone can I join please.

I've just started OLD on Soulmates after my relationship breakup 2 years ago with the father of my DC who I was with for 20 years. So I'm on the older end of the spectrum in my 50's looking for guys of a similar age. Joined GSM early February and messaged a couple but couldn't meet up with anyone until after halfterm as I was away with the DC.

Anyhow felt a real connection with the second guy I met up with last weekend and we had another date yesterday for cinema plus a meal afterwards. In between the 2 dates we have had literally hundreds of texts and I think I am in grave danger of OI.

I just want to know how I can tell if he is genuinely interested in me? He's not trying to push the physical side of things along too quickly at all, we have had a couple of kisses but nothing more although I would totally have been up for it.

I can't believe that I could have met "the one" after only 2 dates!

pringlecat Sun 05-Mar-17 14:01:36

Well, I have a date lined up with Beardy McBeardface for a week's time. He's given me his number, so I need to send him a message and hope he doesn't turn into a sex pest.

I've already done a bit of online stalking to verify he is a real person, which he is. However, I have my doubts over whether he actually lives in London, which is potentially a problem for me - like WavingNotDrowning, I want to date someone who actually lives nearby.

I think he's probably less attractive IRL (he seems to have chosen photos strategically), but he seems to be a nice bloke who wouldn't be against something long term with the right girl, so I'm willing to take a punt. Oh, I just want a nice guy. The rest is negotiable.

I did have another message from a guy whose profile I had viewed before who looked normal, but by the time I logged on (an hour after he had sent the message), his account had been deleted. Weird. I kinda hope he had found someone, but that also means he was sending hopeful messages to other woman an hour before he decided he had found his one. OLD is just strange.

justmeand2DC Two dates is too soon to tell with OLD (she says from bitte experience). At that point, he could still be putting on a front. Spend more time with him, hope for the best, but do not invest until you're sure you've met the 'real' him.

OutToGetYou No sex messages, but plenty of crap messages like "hi how ru aaarrrghh y does it say i need2rit a longer msggg fgdfgfdgdfg". The longer messages requirement is to screen out those who can't write a coherent sentence. Apparently this point is lost on many.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sun 05-Mar-17 14:10:15

Hello all!

I wish pof did the short message screening. What's a good way to dismiss the 'how r u' types? Just ignore? I messaged one first and that was his reply! I want to say 'dude, put some effort in!!'

Someone just had a go at me because I was upfront in saying I wasn't looking for a ONS... nice hmm

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 14:11:06

Thanks pringle he wants to come on the anti-Brexit march with me and to bring his adult DD so we can meet do you think this is a good idea or too soon?

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 14:11:44

How will I know when I have met the real him?

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sun 05-Mar-17 14:12:38

Just I'd say too soon myself. He might be feeling very sure and wanting to move Ali g, but you have to be too

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 14:14:36

I feel like I could write a biography on his life after so many texts

Iusedtobedontcall Sun 05-Mar-17 14:15:23

Hi all. Just had someone block me for being patronising. He said 'any sexy pics?' I said no I don't send revealing pics to strangers. He then pretended he only meant a bikini shot. I said 'I'm a teacher and my rule is that I don't send pics I wouldn't want my students to see.' He said 'wow. You are patronising. Have a good day.' And blocked me!!!! The Internet is rife with weirdos.
Oncemore I'd definitely just ignore the single word message types.
Justme, there is no definitive answer. Just take it slowly and keep your eyes open.

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 14:16:09

March is in 3 weeks so we will have had more dates by then.

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 14:19:22

I thought I was keener than him and initiating all the texting but he is now starting all the text exchanges, texting first thing to check if I'm awake and again last thing after my kids are in bed to ask after my day. Why would he do that if he's not genuinely keen?

Bant Sun 05-Mar-17 14:19:40

pringle - possibly he just hid his profile? Some people do that, have it hidden to browse, unhide to send messages, hide again? Depends on the site.

justme - I agree, two dates in is too soon to know the real person. Messaging always leads to overinvestment as it's just words on a screen, and your own imagination and wishful thinking can often take over.

Hes probably very interested in you, but you can never tell. See rules 2, 3, and 6. We've all been there.

Sometimes you just know someone is genuine, and they are at the time - but relationships are tricky. Dating is hard work.

justmeand2DC Sun 05-Mar-17 14:21:29

What does rule 4 mean, until what happens?

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sun 05-Mar-17 14:23:37

Just in that case, maybe keep it open until nearer the time re meeting the daughter. Things might be really great or very different by then.

Just noticed my autocorrect changed 'along' to 'Ali g' confusedhmmblush

I have had a message from someone whose profile is jus lovely, but pictures not so much. Nothing horrendous but no initial spark for me. However, I'm learning that the majority who are really hot are actually players (not all, but those who aren't seem to be a rare breed).

I might go for it, we'll see...

HalfInLoveWithElizabeth Sun 05-Mar-17 14:24:16

I'm going on a date this afternoon! Hoping it will be fun but no particular expectations - definitely safer that way.

Just I found soulmates to be a total dud - I think you've done well to get 2 dates in a month :-) Agree that it is best not to let things run away with you. You might be right and he is the one, but there's no harm in treading carefully and possibly quite a lot in getting carried away.

pringlecat Sun 05-Mar-17 14:29:45

Bloody hell. Someone said I looked "fly". Have I travelled back through time?

HalfInLoveWithElizabeth I found that GSM had the same men from POF but with more words in their profiles!

Bant POF. I think he actually deleted his profile. Doesn't bother me, but it is weird. OLD is weird.

Iusedtobedontcall Totally agree with your rule. You can't be too careful when you have that type of job!

justmeand2DC It feels too soon, with DC involved (no matter how old they are). Keep texting him, keep having dates, but leave the DC out of it for now.

pringlecat Sun 05-Mar-17 14:30:19

PS Looking forward to the update, HalfInLoveWithElizabeth. Keeping fingers crossed for you!

WavingNotDrowning Sun 05-Mar-17 14:41:55

justmeand2dc I also think it's too early to tell. I've learnt from bitter experience that it can go all tits up even (especially)if they profess love for you early on. It may all work out, but for the time being I think you have to wait and see.

I haven't heard from MrCyclist - what time do you reckon is the latest I an give him? Apart from anything else I'm still in my pyjamas. (and don't really want to get dressed today!).

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