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Who else is GLAD a relationship/marriage has ended? Celebration thread

(32 Posts)
despicableshe Sun 05-Mar-17 11:36:04

Hello all, haven't been on MN for a long time now. Firstly, I want to thank those who contributed to my earlier threads and gave me pertinent advice and though he's still a PITA (we have kids so still have to communicate), I have day-to-day peace without walking on eggshells.

So I'd like to hear from others on here who have divorced/left relationships and are now thriving as a result. I'd like to give hope to others that you don't have to remain in miserable shituations and that if things don't work out in the relationship, it really is okay smile

Helpmeltb Sun 05-Mar-17 11:45:03

Me. Am mid-divorce, stuck living with the useless twat until it's fully sorted but I am happier than ever. My anxiety is much better. I have more friends than I've had in the last 14 years, I've tried loads more stuff, I've got new hobbies but most importantly I like myself more and have more confidence. And I say all that having had a really shitty, challenging morning.

JK1773 Sun 05-Mar-17 11:51:53

Ive been free nearly 2 years now! My social life is great, I've lost 3 stone and am now fitter and healthier than ever and I've been seeing a kind caring man about 4 months. It was shitty leaving and really hard but I've never ever looked back and I never will smile

WeeMcBeastie Sun 05-Mar-17 12:58:00

Me! The divorce came through last June, I have never felt anything other than relief but to be fair, the marriage was pretty much over for a year before he finally moved out. It's great not having to deal with his moods, his annoying habit of mispronouncing words, thinking he knows everything (when he really doesn't) and especially not his dodgy personal hygiene!
It was hard at the time and I was very upset when I found out he'd cheated (again) in 2013 but I made the decision to lose weight, see more of my friends and develop my own interests away from him. This really helped me cope and I would recommend doing these things to anyone trapped in an unhappy marriage.

OutToGetYou Sun 05-Mar-17 13:13:25

Yup. Still living in house with him while my new house purchase goes through - I am moving away from the area so no point making friends here. Never wanted to live in this area anyway but moved as he had to be close to his son (who has since moved in with us, without any discussion with me).

Had a snotty email exchange with him last night, he still thinks he is fantastic and I am horrible. He twists everything to suit his own beliefs (I expect he would say the same about me) but the only thing he could think to use as an example of how fantastic he is was that he used to take me to the station for work - once a week as I stayed over in that job, and I stopped staying over in Jan last year, so it's been over a year since he did. That and 'I brought you tea in bed' (note, I worked away during the week so this was never daily anyway) - I used to tell him 'kind things don't count if you're using them to keep score' - and anyway, you'd make a cup of tea for a flippin' stranger - the big stuff he never did.

I keep having to remind myself of my nice new little house and what it will be like to make decisions without some fuckwit constantly disagreeing with everything I suggest - and I can just buy new sofas, without a four year discussion (yes, really, we've lived together 4 years and still sit on his ex wife's rejected sofas).

noego Sun 05-Mar-17 13:15:16

Me!! I love being single.
Have friends and lovers and a new circle of friends.
New house, new car, financially independent.
Psychologically and physically free.
One of the most satisfying things about my split is the fact that my relationships with my DD's and GK's is better than ever.
Been NC with ex for 4+ years. (bar once)
The only way to describe it is "LIBERATING"

BertieBotts Sun 05-Mar-17 13:16:20

Me! Seven years free from the arse ex. Five years with lovely DH (three married)

DS is thriving and lovely. I'm much more in control of my life. We moved and ended up in a brilliant situation/adventure I never would have dreamed of before.

OutToGetYou Sun 05-Mar-17 13:17:11

WeeMcBeastie - same re knowing everything and personal hygiene. Refused to wash his hands after going to the loo (then made food or thought he was going to have sex with me), cut his toenails in bed so they flicked all round the room, pissed on the floor round the loo but claimed it wasn't him (well, it bloody well wasn't me!), left poo smudges in the loo, got into bed with his dirty outdoor clothes on, wiped his oily hands on the teatowels, and once left an actual skid mark on his side of the bed where he clearly hadn't wiped his arse properly and had sat on the edge of the bed.

Why did it take me four years of living together (7 year relationship) to bail?

PussInCoutts Sun 05-Mar-17 13:47:43

Yes!!! YY!!! brew cake

Over 2 years now, free from the constant control and criticism.

It feels amazing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it wasn't bloody hard to begin with, to adjust to, especially with DCs and the way ex had gaslighted me into thinking nobody else would love me ever.

Thankfully he was wrong on that count and now I have a fantastic relationship with DP. I still out of habit sometimes feel guilt-tripped by something he says, or expect him to be upset over X, Y and Z, but then we talk about it and I realise he's not my ex.

I do get moments of sadness and broken heartedness over my ex, still. After all, he is the father of my DC, whom I love more than anything in the world, and he's generally pretty damn good at that when he isn't abusing their mother

My ex has so many positive qualities, I really feel sorry for him being single as I know how much he loves company. On the other hand he's still doing plots to try to make my life difficult so... I will go and see a therapist about it soon. Mixed feelings.

But all in all, it feels amazing to not be constantly under the threat of an attack of criticism. Where's an emoji for fireworks?? smile

PussInCoutts Sun 05-Mar-17 13:53:04

Oh and if I hadn't left ex when he abused me one last time (well one last time within the relationship, IYSWIM) I would never have learned that I deserve better and that there are wonderful men out there, and I would have never gotten together with DP who is the light of my life (along with DCs)

Everyone in a shitty marriage/relationship, please do consider leaving. Or just leave. It was one of the hardest decisions for me to make - took about 5 years - but... I feel free. Free to breathe, free to be me.

HalfInLoveWithElizabeth Sun 05-Mar-17 14:06:03

I'd have to say I think that both me and STBXH are happier! Although we split fairly amicably, it's been really shitty, but overall it has been the right thing for both of us. I don't know why we couldn't be happy together, but some things just don't work (and we gave it a pretty good shot - 16 years!).

BertieBotts Sun 05-Mar-17 14:26:01

πŸŽ‡ πŸŽ† πŸŽ‡ πŸŽ† πŸŽ‡ πŸŽ† πŸŽ‡ πŸŽ†

BertieBotts Sun 05-Mar-17 14:28:04

🎊 πŸŽ‰ 🍾πŸ₯‚

despicableshe Sun 05-Mar-17 16:12:21

This is great! Keep it coming smile

It sounds so trivial, but I can watch what I want on TV without his judgement, it's great. I can talk on the phone with friends (I always paid the bill, but he'd moan if I spent more than few minutes, yet he'd watch telly without engaging in conversation with me. Scintillating!)

I honestly haven't missed him, probably because I realised that I'd given him way too many chances re his emotional abuse of me.

OutToGetYou and WeeMcBeastie were we with the same guy re lack of personal hygiene? grin Yuck!

Awoof Sun 05-Mar-17 16:24:35

Me! Coming up to a year now smile
I was on the origanol 'marriages who aren't awful' thread and honestly it opened my eyes.
I was kidding myself that it wasn't awful. It was. Constant moods and money problems and horrible unwanted sexual touching. No respect for me whatsoever.

It hasn't been easy but soooo soooooo worth it. I love watching what I want for tea, and not having to cook fucking chips every night and having all my money for me and dd. We have fun and take holidays and enjoy days off together.
I wouldn't go back for anything at all!

Awoof Sun 05-Mar-17 16:25:32

And yy to the personal hygiene. He would only brush his teeth at night if he wanted to have sex with me envy yuck

TreeTop7 Sun 05-Mar-17 16:49:47

We separated at Christmas and I was very nervous about the future but I felt instinctively that divorcing was right. I still have fears. But I have no doubts whatsoever. I like my husband but I don't love him or fancy him and haven't for ages (if I ever did, really). Getting into bed at night without being pestered for sex is soooo nice. I also enjoy not having the tv on constantly (I like tv but not as background noise).

AndShesGone Sun 05-Mar-17 16:52:41

Me! 14 years since my first marriage ended and I've been married for 12 years to the best bloke in the world

If I ever have a nightmare about my ex (I used to dream I was still married to him and couldn't get away) I wake up so happy to find I'm not.

Notapodling Sun 05-Mar-17 17:05:15

Me! I'm so much happier and relaxed. It's great having my own home and not having to constantly second guess myself or walk on tip toes. I came to the realisation yesterday that I want to stay this way. Being single is incredibly freeing. We were together for 20 years but I haven't once had even the slightest regret about ending it.

daddyorscience Sun 05-Mar-17 17:59:56

Me. We still have to communicate, for the kids sakes, but now I can ignore the snide remarks, putdowns, constant criticism, trying to tell me what to do, how to parent, who to see, and run my life.

It took me one night to see the light.. The first night of the split when I went to the shop post leaving, to stock up on food.. Bought the usual (she dictated), got to the till, looked down and said "I just realised, I don't like 90% of this.. Sorry..".

Since the split I've been lambasted, stories about me abound, "friends" have stonewalled me, she even told the kids I had to leave because I did something wrong.

I corrected that by explaining this if I hadn't gone, she was threatening to make sure I never saw them. Yes, I know.. In retrospect, stupid of me. But I wasn't thinking straight.

I was merely a childcare/housekeeper solution, and her step on the housing ladder, at least it feels that way.

I don't miss the rigidly planned weeks, the questions should I be 10 minutes late, the accusations of cheating, which I never did or could have done, the constant belittling and babying, nagging, dismissal of my likes, plans etc, or her staggering home drunk at 3am, and spending the next day in bed telling me to take the kids out because she feels ill. I pointed out they wanted her, I got "we can't fucking have what we want all the time"

Since the split she fluctuates between fine, downright unpleasant, and rage... And comes out with utter rubbish where, if I call her out, she can't back it up so resorts to abuse.

I see it as a bullet well dodged..I just feel sorry for our kids..

OutToGetYou Sun 05-Mar-17 18:17:24

daddyorscience - yes, I also feel I was the ex's step back onto the housing ladder - he could never have bought such a nice house on his own at the time. I also supported him (not financially) through a redundancy, a new job he hated and into what is now a very good job where he can afford to buy me out and has Β£30k of share options built up. While value in the house languished from using my funds to buy in such a crap area, and now I am behind the curve and could not rebuy the house I sold if I wanted to sad

noego Sun 05-Mar-17 18:21:07

Just sat here catching up on this thread. Been in jammies all day, pottering, just having a prawn pasta and a glass of vino. Bed not made, bit of washing done, called a few GF's.
Would never have been heard of in a previous life smile

daddyorscience Sun 05-Mar-17 18:51:27

OTGY- yes, she had to buy me out, as I put down the deposit. So I now have money in the bank. Which annoys her.

I pay my maintenance, I buy clothes etc, I have them at least 3 nights a week, see them 4. In the school break, I have the gem all week, she has them weekends.. Works well for all, but I find keeping contact low key and refusing to rise to the abuse and rage works even better.

I keep my voice recorder on if we're together, as she's come out with things before then flat out denied it. Also, all calls are recorded.

Not taking any more chances...I don't know or understand her any more.

Noego, your up on me..I have some sort of confounded nasty bug.. So I've fallen asleep drinking tea with whisky, sat in the kitchen, lying on the living room floor, in the shower, and I've just spent the last 6 hours asleep in bed! πŸ˜‚ Luckily the kids understand, and fetched nanny and some blankets from the living room to "check I'm not dead"..πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

TopOfTheCliff Sun 05-Mar-17 19:02:51

6 years since I left an abusive relationship of 27 years and 5 years since I met the lovely man I married 9 weeks ago. I am calmer, happier and healthier even if I am poorer! My DC took a year or so to stop being angry with me (being fed a pack of lies by manipulative Ex). All is now civilised and I have as little to do with him as possible. We co-parent in a civilised manner and I am never alone with him.

Hermonie2016 Sun 05-Mar-17 19:21:22

Daddyorscience, what voice recorder do you use?

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