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How to help my son

(5 Posts)
Whattodo123456 Sun 05-Mar-17 11:00:49

Over the weekend DP had a drunken rage and left. Luckily ds was in bed asleep.

By rage I don't mean shouting, more being very resentful and saying spiteful things to me. He was trying to start an argument and when I didn't react, he just got worse with what he is saying to try and get a reaction. When it didn't work he packed his bags and left.

Anyhow I told my ds today, that DP and I are separating. He is really upset and wants to know if he can still DP. I would to say he can to make him feel better.

However:-

DP is not his biological father and I don't know that DP would want to continue a relationship with him.

DP has a drink problem, nice as pie when sober, when he drinks he turns into a dick, well a dick towards me, no one else.

What would do in this situation? How do I help my ds?

SookiesSocks Sun 05-Mar-17 11:04:42

Be honest and age appropriate.
If he is old enough to understand about the drink problem and abusive vehaviour then tell him. Otherwise he will have a false impression of this man and wont understand why it has ended.

If he is quite young still be honest but just say he was not very nice to you and made you sad and its important that mummy is happy.

Ellisandra Sun 05-Mar-17 11:06:11

You haven't said how old he is, or how long your ex has known him.

Your ex sounds like an arse, so I wouldn't encourage further involvement if your child is young. Chances are it won't last, especially with him being an alcoholic.

Better to deal with upset now, than months of crap and let down. Once your ex gets a new girlfriend, will he want any time with your son at all?

I'd wait til your son asks again, and tell him - you know what, that isn't what happens really - fresh starts all round.

Difficult to say though as you give no detail of his relationship.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 05-Mar-17 11:06:35

Sometimes people aren't who we think they are. I went nc with my dm and explained it like this to my dc. They accepted it without any question tbh.

Whattodo123456 Sun 05-Mar-17 11:18:38

Sorry I didn't want to make my opening post too long.

My son is 13. He has SN's, can understand perfectly however emotionally very immature.

DP and I were together for 5 years. My ds calls him dad and regards him as such. They did have a very good relationship.

IF DP did have or even want contact, I don't think he would be very reliable.

DP doesn't drink all the time, just when he does he drinks far too much and gets verbally spiteful to me.

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