Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The lightbulb moment where it fits together!

(6 Posts)
MyLifeInColour Sat 04-Mar-17 21:16:28

Since he discarded me in January pieces of the jigsaw have gradually fallen into place. I was bored and my hairdresser said get out there and meet guys (though I'm not ready) So out of curiosity I went onto Tinder, because that is where she met her partner and she is soon to be married. I honestly didn't like it so closed it down, but I had this lightbulb moment. It was going to search through my FB groups and look at friends, and friends of friends for matches, so there it is, I realised that is how he met the OW. I knew there was a FB link somewhere but not directly. There is no way they met through his work, I'm 100% sure of that. Approx 18 months ago he told me a story about how he knew someone who's partner was found out to be on Tinder, in fact he mentioned it again a few months later. And so it fell into place. More narcissist behaviour, projecting, wanting a reaction from me because all along that's what he was doing. So This is where he was stalking out his narcissistic supply.

This has been such a revelation, his sister basically told me his father was the same and that they now believed he would never settle down.

The hardest part of this is realising my life with him was one big lie. The OW will have no idea, he will have lied about his past to her without a doubt, he got himself transferred from one office to another 60 miles from here, a new hunting ground for him where people don't know his past nor will she. In a few months he will be looking again while she is in the dark. I'm thanking my lucky stars that he is gone for good now and I can start my life over.

jeaux90 Sat 04-Mar-17 21:34:20

Life without a narc is a blessing indeed. Sounds like you are healing well.

One thing, don't look at what he's doing and don't feel responsible for warning anyone etc

Just protect yourself and eventually you will perhaps want to date again.

I'm 6 years post narc and I still feel relieved every day x

Bones17 Sat 04-Mar-17 21:43:30

I'm going through a post narc 'being dumped'
I feel your pain.

MyLifeInColour Sat 04-Mar-17 21:53:51

jeaux90. Thank you. I definitely need to heal myself and learn to find myself again.,Fortunately I'm certain he won't return. He did before begging me to take him back etc. I'm much wiser now x

Hi Bones, read your other post. Glad u eventually found out there was an OW, hard tho it is. x

Having read about it I went no contact. Blocked FB etc. Definitely not going to warn anyone. He would only make me out to be the psycho ex!

Greaterexpectations Sat 04-Mar-17 22:36:03

Love this comment jeaux90 I'm 6 years post narc and I still feel relieved every day

I'm 2 months post narc and I wondered how long the feeling of relief would last because I'm loving it. It's helping me to make big positive changes in my life.

Good luck OP. Enjoy the freedom flowers

fivetowine Sun 05-Mar-17 11:16:49

Ah the light bulb moment, I've had more of those than bloody blackpool, still have them now occasionally a year later.
Mine was actually on tinder, whilst living with me. But it was a girl from work he ran off with.
They can't help themselves.
I tried to warn her but she's obviously deluded.
I will be warning the next one too as nobody deserved what he's done to me.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: