Mum becoming cantankerous & negative

[pumpkinsweetie]

Where do i start, well for some time now my mum has been waiting on a diagnosis for what essentially are tumours on her spine & sacrom. Currently these are being called Talov cysts which are rare, and meningihomas which doctors are saying are probably non-cancerous but she is yet to have had a proper diagnosis as these haven't been given a biopsy. Coupled with level 4 arthritus and needing a knee replacement.

I have been very much there for my mother since all her medical problems came about over 9 months ago. I have been to doctors appointments with her and continually asked her round for dinner and spent time with her. Helped her fill in forms and generally been her rock.

But her behaviour of late is really off, she is rude, she tells me to shut up, embarrasses me in public places and insults her best friend on an almost daily basis to me.
She is negative about everything and whenever i mention us doing something nice together she shouts me down and puts a negative spin on it.

For example, her friend is obese and struggles with her weight (always has done) and my mum will talk about this almost every time i see her and slate her friend saying why does she get more financial help from government whereas hers is less when she has bought her medical condition on herself. She also thinks her friend is going to break her toilet basin and her stair hand rails. She talks about how she thinks her toilet is going to be smashed by the sheer weight of her friend. I have said that its a ridiculious thought and its almost severley unlikely to happen. She also goes on and on about PIP & how other people are at fault that shes on lower payments. In the same convo she will bring up how i'm supposedly raking it in with all my kids and how its unfair i get money for my asd daughter. Tells me the government throw money at me etc

We went for an appointment last week with a neurosurgian, who said the tumours weren't on her brain. But instead of being relieved like i was she got aggrivated and protested to argue with me about why i was so happy she then phoned her brother and said that i'm stupid and don't understand why she is so angry.

She is sheduled to go on holiday soon, a holiday she doesn't want to go on as it's in the middle of no where (her best friend booked it). So when she came round yesterday moaning of this holiday for the millionenth time my partner snapped and told her not to go then. Well this resulted in her walking out of my house and then sending me a catologue of nasty messages about how she feels unwelcome in my home and how the world and his wife are horrible to her when she is in pain etc.

I am finding her outbursts and behaviour very challenging but at the same time due to her medical condition i don't want to severe any ties. How do i deal with her rants?
I think she is suffering from some form of extreme anxiety.

[greenthings]

Its impossible to know. She could be very ill, this can cause personality changes.

[pumpkinsweetie]

I worry about that too, it doesn't help that her doctor seems unhelpful thus far.
He just keeps throwing painkillers at her rather than getting anywhere towards a proper diagnosis.

[TheOnlyColditz]

Pain can ramp people's anxiety up to a permanent nine, with ten being boom. Hence tiny things that didn't used to bother her are now A Big Deal.

[pumpkinsweetie]

I guess you are right, i'm quite worried about her going on this holiday. It is a long train journey, roughly 4-5 hours and lots of walking too. She isn't speaking to me at the moment as she is so angry at my partner.