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Husband's reaction re cheating

(110 Posts)
eclipse16 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:15:51

Hi everyone, just after some advice from you lovely ladies who have sadly experienced infidelity.
I am happily married, however have reason to believe my husband may have been unfaithful last night. I'd rather not go into specifics, paranoid about the Daily Fail! I approached him with my concerns this morning after finding evidence (it's doesn't 100% mean he cheated however it seems likely and is evidential enough for me to think such a thing and bring it up in the first place), and he lost his rag and seemed genuinely hurt that I would think such a thing. He's made me feel like I'm the one in the wrong, which I could well be true I guess.

My question to you, is how did your partner react when you first confronted him about cheating? His reaction has thrown me as he seemed so genuinely angry and upset and now I don't know if I'm being played for a fool or not! It's so hard to know whether I should be apologising or leaving him!

I will never be able to find out more than what I already know about last night so it's impossible to do further digging.

highinthesky Sat 04-Mar-17 14:17:41

Did he actually deny it or just get irate as in "how dare you ask me such a thing"?

eclipse16 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:21:53

Both really. When I first mentioned it he just laughed it off, then I thought more about it for a few mins and said I wanted to discuss it further as it didn't seem right. Then he lost his rag a bit and threw a cushion across the room. Then he said he would never cheat and he couldn't be married to someone that would think that of him. Then he stormed off and now a few hours later he's okay again but being really distant

Thattimeofyearagain Sat 04-Mar-17 14:22:35

He is following the script?

CalmItKermitt Sat 04-Mar-17 14:24:00

Yep. Sounds like the script 🙄

Bluntness100 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:24:40

Seems the old saying " me thinks he doth protest too much" is valid here. When people protest too much then the opposite is likely true.

What's made you think he cheated, you're going to have to give some more context for useful answers.

Kikikaakaa Sat 04-Mar-17 14:24:56

the defensive reaction always worries me. I would be upset if I was innocent but you describe a toddler tantrum reaction. That makes me wonder if it's to get you to leave the subject alone.
Unless you are always accusing him of this and he's very stressed by it, but I don't get that feeling from your post either.

I would expect a reasonable conversation about this if someone was innocent and explanation. Not anger and distraction and sulking

Bluntness100 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:26:09

I'm guessing you're not saying it sounds like he's following the script, as in the band? 😂😂😂

Hermonie2016 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:26:57

Massive over reaction, especially the "couldn't be married to anyone who thought that"

Think about how you might react if he asked you? I would be reassuring not defensive.Defensive suggests he is keen not to be found out.

BagelDog Sat 04-Mar-17 14:30:23

His first response was to get angry that I was suggesting such a thing, then a big strop and sulk that lasted days, then very distant for a few days.... then he did the crying and not eating and wailing thing once I explained that I now knew...

eclipse16 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:34:48

Thanks ladies, I thought as much really. Just needed to hear it.
I'm not sure what to do now as I will never know the truth and he's never going to admit it is he! What did you do when you had evidence but he denied and he had no definite proof? Feel so lost as to what to do next
(If it happened it was with a stripper/prostitute so I can't imagine there will be anything on his phone as proof)

loveyoutothemoon Sat 04-Mar-17 14:40:24

In your gut, is your proof enough to believe he has cheated. His reaction is suspicious but us posters don't know based on just this info. Could there be a reasonable explanation to what you've found? It's hard for us to help you.

HmmOkay Sat 04-Mar-17 14:40:29

Follow the money.

Strippers/prostitutes don't work for free.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 04-Mar-17 14:42:15

Sounds like you've found receipts or texts?

loveyoutothemoon Sat 04-Mar-17 14:44:58

Has he been searching your local area for a prostitute? If so, looks very suspicious but no not 100 % proof.

Keep vigilant, can you regularly check his phone? Keep asking him until he owns up.

Chaotica Sat 04-Mar-17 14:48:25

Follow the money. No-one uses cash these days except for sex or drugs (or, perhaps, affairs).

HerRoyalNotness Sat 04-Mar-17 14:48:43

Him searching is enough. You don't need further proof. What kind of husband searches for sex with prostitutes?

BubblingUp Sat 04-Mar-17 14:49:51

Well, if he says he can't be married to someone who thinks he's cheated, then it's over anyway, right?

user1488636205 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:51:27

Horrible place your in right now.
Mine flat out denied it. Said I was wrong. Got the wrong end of the stick.
But eventually he admitted it. I kept on & on at him. I just knew in the pit of my stomach he was cheating.
Good luck. Hope it's not true

eclipse16 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:54:44

Hmmokay - That's a really good point! I wouldn't even know how much they charge but can't imagine he would have had that much cash in his pocket so he would have had to have drawn more cash out

I know he went to a strip bar last night, that doesn't bother me at all really, it's very rare for him to do that and I totally get it's a weird men's bonding thing they do. This morning I went down on him (Rare occurrence for the morning grin but we are TTC and I ovulated yesterday) His penis tasted exactly of condoms, there was no getting away from it. We don't use them so haven't smelt one in years but it's very distinctive. He said he had used a wet wipe after weeing when he woke up and it must have been that (which he has done before so not totally unusual) but I'm so certain it was condom, it had that weird powdery texture.
Now after his reaction I am questioning myself and maybe it was just the wet wipes. I have wiped the wet wipe on my arm and tasted it but it doesn't seem to taste the same but then maybe it does! Argh so confused!
Thanks for all your advice flowers

eclipse16 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:57:38

No he hasn't been searching for them. We share the same laptop and there's nothing on there.
If it did happen then I believe it would have been a spontaneous decision, not something he had premeditated or planned

BagelDog Sat 04-Mar-17 15:00:13

Tbh latex is a really distinctive smell. Babywipes are utterly different. Difficult to see how you could have got them confused...

Chaotica Sat 04-Mar-17 15:03:48

That sounds like pretty strong evidence to me (especially if you've tasted the wet wipe).

You're probably looking at a cash withdrawal of between £60-120, depending upon what happened. Less that 60 would be cheap (but possible). It probably depends where you are in the country though.

(I wish I didn't know such things.)

eclipse16 Sat 04-Mar-17 15:06:52

Bageldog - Yeah you are right. I just really want it to have been the babywipes!
He is a lovely husband (up until this point) and makes me so happy.
I have been known to have an over active imagination (with all things in life, not specific to husband cheating) so there will always be a part of me that will think did I just make this up in my head because I knew he had been to a strip bar. I'm sure I didn't but as it was just a taste and smell it's not anything physical that is definite proof.
I checked his shirt with a fine tooth comb and there was nothing on there.
I can't really look at him at the moment, feel sick

RockyBird Sat 04-Mar-17 15:10:11

Smell his face if you can.

Certain smells don't wash away that readily.

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