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Quick question for ladies

(16 Posts)
Bob19701 Sat 04-Mar-17 12:28:34

I have been seeing my partner / gf for 2/3 years , it's always been very intense with lots of highs but lots of lows with no middle ground if that makes sense. Anyway we went away a few weeks ago and again we had a fall out over nothing as usual resulting in me 'smoothing' things over to get the break back on track.

We have come back and I have instigated a bit of time apart (we don't live together) to decide if we want to carry on , she has said she wants to try again but happy to give some space but I am more than 50/50 thinking the time is right to move on (at the minute) .
Now my question next Wednesday during our agreed time apart with NC it is her birthday I obviously have a card and have tickets for a joint day out in a couple of weeks ....what do I do , give her the cards and present or just not acknowledge her birthday ?
How would you feel in that situation ?
Thanks

kaitlinktm Sat 04-Mar-17 13:01:51

I think I would be inclined to post a card saying that you know you are having time apart but you didn't want to let her day pass by unacknowledged. Try and make it clear that you don't expect any communication from her though.

Unless you have finally decided by then that it's over that is.

Fruitcocktail6 Sat 04-Mar-17 13:04:26

I would acknowledge her birthday and give her the card.

MatildaTheCat Sat 04-Mar-17 13:09:29

I personally would do the right thing and rip off the plaster quickly and stop prolonging the agony. Unless you want a future of highs and lows with little middle ground then you know this relationship is fundamentally wrong for you both.

See her asap and tell her it's over and wish her well for her future. Unless it's a big birthday with a huge party planned don't use it as a reason to delay further. Give her the tickets to use with a friend.

Notreadytomakenice Sat 04-Mar-17 13:16:26

I've had a similar situation. If you know you don't want to get back together perhaps post the card (not the tickets) to show you care, but keep it closed 'I hope you have a wonderful birthday' and NO I love you's!
If there is a chance to go forwards as a couple, send the tickets, take her out and put all your effort behind it, it takes a long time to meet someone worth fighting to keep.

Bob19701 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:35:24

Thanks for the replies, it is not a big birthday and nothing planned for the day ...as for ripping the plaster off that's the advise I would give but being honest I am not 100% that's why I need some space. We have been in a similar situations before and just got on with it this next day .

I need to know I have made the correct decision and not regret it later ...

Bob19701 Sat 04-Mar-17 14:36:12

Oops ...I will post the card but not the tickets then I don't give the wrong impression..

Bob19701 Sat 04-Mar-17 22:17:39

Ok I have done as recommended I had family cards to drop off so I also sent the card I had bought..it's going to be tough splitting when not feeling it's 100% right 🙄

Bob19701 Fri 17-Mar-17 23:16:20

So an update we went on the planned birthday day out and had a really good time ..but in the cold light of day I still think I want out , when we are apart I can see things so clear and fell like splitting is best for both of us, then we spend time together and I think I could be making a big mistake by ending something that 'could ' be great if we sort our shit ...help heart and head 😳

Aquamarine1029 Sat 18-Mar-17 02:55:46

Good grief. Just and this charade. The relationship is over and you know it. You're not suited for each other.

EmeraldScorn Sat 18-Mar-17 06:40:20

You asked her for space/time apart and then you went on a day out with her - Hmmm it's wrong to keep her hanging on and you know it.

I think you're just afraid that you won't find anyone else quick enough and you want to keep your options open but you don't want to commit to her; Do the decent thing and end it permanently!

Bob19701 Sat 18-Mar-17 08:25:47

I am not really wanting to look for anyone else , We are meeting up and I will end it this weekend tough as it will be I think the time is right to both move on ...

Bob19701 Sun 19-Mar-17 20:44:26

Well another update I have finally made the decision and finished the relationship I am feeling pretty bad at the minute she didn't want it to end but respected my decision . I am now trying to convince myself I have done the right thing ..sure I have ...

Wingsofdesire Sun 19-Mar-17 21:30:10

You couldn't have told her it was over, as she implored you not to, if you weren't somewhere sure that was what you wanted.

You did what you wanted.

Bob19701 Sun 19-Mar-17 21:32:38

You maybe right she has messaged me to say 'goodnight and you know where I am if you change your mind ' I need to block her but feel guilty ..

Notreadytomakenice Sun 26-Mar-17 12:37:30

How did this go, did you block her?

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