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What do you do when you think you want to leave but can't afford to?

(4 Posts)
olddogsnewtricks Sat 04-Mar-17 11:58:30

I feel a bit bad posting this as I am not in a really bad situation like some people on here. There is no violence, no bullying. I just really don't want to be married anymore. There is not teamwork in this marriage. DH doesn't listen to me, doesn't show me affection and doesn't understand me. I feel so lonely and I would rather feel lonely and be alone than feel lonely in a marriage iyswim. I can't see how I could ever afford to leave though. I work part-time and all my wages go on bills and food. I have no savings whatsoever as we recently bought a house and my savings went towards that. I have tried to get DH to go to counseling over the years but he is not interested. He is also not interested in getting a divorce. He just wants things to continue as they are whereas I can't stand the thought of just existing like this for the rest of my life. We live abroad (in DH's hometown). I would not be entitled to any state help if I left. I couldn't come back to the UK as I wouldn't be allowed to take my children out of the country. When we met I thought we were on equal footing but over the years DH has prioritised his career (while mine has stalled) and I just feel like I don't really exist any more. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you deal with it?

Kikikaakaa Sat 04-Mar-17 12:16:20

I left I had nothing, no home and no money, I had family and friends to help me.

You have to see this in terms of no one can leave and expect to maintain the lifestyle they have now; the sacrifice will be having little money.

But your situation seems different in that you seem legally trapped? Can you get some advice on moving back to the UK with the children, I think you need to do this. It might not be impossible.

You can still divorce him even if he doesn't agree, although it will be harder.

Please get legal advice

jeaux90 Sat 04-Mar-17 12:23:27

I was trapped abroad too. But I went back to work when my dd was 4 months old and saved the money to move out and rent. Could you do that? Is it possible?

You don't need his permission to divorce. You can just tell him it's over.

Get legal advice.

I did come back to the UK about a year after I left, I managed to get his permission in the end. (Took ages though he is an abusive narc)

HappyJanuary Sat 04-Mar-17 12:34:41

Work out how much you would need to live on, and increase your hours to full time.

Get legal advice to confirm what you would be entitled to (child maintenance and so on), where you stand on taking the children out of the country, and how to instigate divorce proceedings.

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