What do I do? I feel lost

[Lovelilies]

Massively long story but I think I know the answer you'll all say.
If I'd known what it would be like, I'd never have got together with DP and had kids, but I did, so now I need to get on with it.

I'm 36 and have 3 DC. 2 youngest with DP. Eldest is 11, home educated and undergoing assessment for ASD. As much as I love her, she's hard work!
DP and I have been together 4.5 years, presently not living together as we last split when I was pg with DC3 who's now 8m.
DP is from an Indian family and all along there have been cultural differences.
He's been abusive in the past mainly due to drink and his own as yet unresolved issues to do with the past.
We've spent a lot of time together even though living separately. I enjoy spending time with him on the whole; we have fun, like to do the same things, visiting new places, chatting, and obviously bringing up the DC together.

Now I have to decide whether or not to 'get back together' properly and move forwards, or to split permanently. If we did split, he would move away about 1.5hrs as he says he doesn't have any friends here and job prospects aren't good enough.

I honestly don't know what to do.
I don't fully trust that he won't drink too much again, I can't stand his family, I'm no longer attracted to him. DD1 doesn't want to move back in as a family. But, the younger DC are so much happier when we're all together.

[category12]

Your younger dc will adapt to the change. All the rest far outweighs the good.

[seventhgonickname]

Yes,you know the answer.If you'd known what he was like you would never have got together with him.Well now you do know and are contemplating just that.
Your children's happiness and being brought up in a non abusive environment and with you being happy.
Good luck.

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

As much as putting dc first is important so is your mh. . If living apart is best for you then it is also best for your dc. .
You need to be strong, stable and happy to be the best dm to them. .