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How often do u& yr partner get away together or just spend time together alone as a couple?

(11 Posts)
babayjane67 Fri 03-Mar-17 08:57:16

Hi
Just that really!
Me&dp NEVER do!think the last time we went out just the 2 of us was to our local as there was a quiz going on.that was last yr!
I said to him last night do u fancy going away somewhere just the 2 of us?
The look on his face said it all!he was like
We've never done that before so why would we wanna do it now?
He will do things as a family.we have an 8 yr old dd.swimming, day trips,holidays etc but when it comes to doing something just the 2 of us he never seems interested.
Once dd has gone to bed at night we dp&I barely spk!he's on one sofa usually on the laptop&I'm on the other watching tv or on my phone.every now&again i'll ask if he's OK he says yea that's it!
Or he will ask if I want a cuppa make one that's it!
Anyone else like us?is this unusual or am I just seeing too much into it?

InTheRedTent Fri 03-Mar-17 10:29:22

We probably only go away for a night or two once or twice a year, but we will usually have lunch while the kids are at school (I'm self employed so I go over and we meet near his work), or dinner while they stay at grandma's house etc once or twice a month. We do spend almost every evening together though which seems much more unusual to me, not going out I think a lot of people can take it or leave it

SandyY2K Fri 03-Mar-17 10:44:59

We usually go away on a weekend or week once a year or but we do date nights more frequently.

Our DC are teenagers thought so can be left alone for a night out. Not for a whole week though.

If you never spend time as a couple, it's very easy to loose the emotional connection between you and once your DC leave home, you find you have nothing keeping you together and that's often the end of the marriage.

I also think it's important that your DC see their parents in a loving relationship and have an example for themselves.

Gaaaah Fri 03-Mar-17 10:51:15

We want to but don't really get the chance. Ever. We have a large family and it's hard to find childcare even for one night. We do get a babysitter every now and then so we can go and eat together or see a film but it's not often.

babayjane67 Fri 03-Mar-17 12:06:35

He's not really interested in a date night either!though I spose I haven't asked him for a while.
Sandy that's what I'm afraid of! Once our dd has flown the nest what are we gonna do?
He's never been a great talker or very demonstrative in the 10 yrs we've been together.everything is initiated by me 9 times out of 10.it was just the look of sheer horror on his face when I suggested it last night!like why the f##k would we do that??

Joysmum Fri 03-Mar-17 12:15:55

We've always prioritised being a couple. Now our DD is older and can be left (and more the point, doesn't want to come out with use do much) we get one day if the weekend and numerous evenings where we'll go out for a meal/cinema or she's locked away in her pit bedroom.

The downside is that our sex life has suffered though as we are both very self conscious that she's awake and with know what's going on if there's any noise sad

Blobby10 Fri 03-Mar-17 14:02:13

OP this was my ex and I , partly due to him working shifts, partly due to exhaustion as our three children never slept properly. Just after our 10th wedding anniversary I said "If we dont start working at our relationship we wont be together for our 20th anniversary". We split up 6 months before our 20th diversionary and are now almost divorced. I kind of gave up trying about 5 years previous to the separationg when it seemed to me that he put no effort at all into organising time for us to be together and we grew further and further apart to the point where neither of us wanted to spend time with the other. We decided to split up sooner rather than later when we ran the risk of other people being involved and it all getting messy.
Sorry - this isn't very helpful is it?!!

SenseiWoo Fri 03-Mar-17 17:27:38

DH and I try to have coffee together once a week-I go in to work later. We are often in different rooms for part of the evening but 'visit' each other (usually for stupid jokes, offering to make tea or demanding tea) and spend time together clearing up. We do relatively little watching telly together on the sofa these days but enjoy the odd film (after bickering for half an hour about what to watch).

There's more, but I am in no hurry to discuss my intimate relationship with DH on MN.

We need it. The closeness doesn't just magically stay, it needs to be nurtured.

SandyY2K Fri 03-Mar-17 18:22:35

Sandy that's what I'm afraid of! Once our dd has flown the nest what are we gonna do?

It happens so often in relationships. What did you used to do together before marriage?

There must be some common ground to build on.

Doesn't he see the importance of couples time?

I hear quite a few men either in affairs or not, saying their marriage is boring and their just waiting for the last child to go off to college, then they'll be following them, but you are the one trying to do things together.

Why don't you make babysitting plans one evening and get him to save the date, because you've got some plans.

Does he like certain films or a certain type of music? A sport perhaps?

My DH and I take it in turns to organise a date night every month and we decide on the weekend or week away together, but we never did that when our DC were younger.

If I knew back then, what I know now about relationships, I'd have made sure we did a lot more as a couple, because we very nearly lost the emotional connection. I honestly didn't think we'd still be together now.

Huskylover1 Fri 03-Mar-17 19:24:51

Sounds like maybe you have got into a bit of a rut? In your shoes, I think I'd just book something, arrange a sitter and present it to him as a surprise. I've certainly done that. A couple of years ago, I booked a week in Tenerife without DH knowing, and gave it to him as one of his birthday pressies. Have a look on Groupon/Wowcher for some great deals.

To answer your original question, DH and I spend our evenings together, from 6.30/7pm onwards.....have a nice meal, watch TV (often pausing to chat etc), spend time in the Hot Tub....but we are mid 40's and our 2 "children" are actually adults and have left home, so it's pretty stress free!

babayjane67 Fri 03-Mar-17 20:19:46

We're not married Sandy.we used to go out for a meal occasionally or cinema. To parties when they came up.
He loves football&rugby.we do watch that together I spose.
I know we haven't always got the money to go out&what we do have goes on stuff to do as a family.couple stuff is never thought about really.
Couldn't afford to just book a surprise wk away Husky.plus I'd need to tell him so he'd be able to get the time off.just wouldn't work. He doesn't really like surprises either to be honest.his family arranged a big family mean for his 40th before I met him as a surprise.he wasn't overly impressed but went anyway.then hated it when the waiters came to his table&sang happy Birthday!
He's 52&I'm 50.

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