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Settling court order amicably but decree nisi required - advice welcomed

(13 Posts)
WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Fri 03-Mar-17 08:30:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fadingmemory Fri 03-Mar-17 08:41:29

Do you actually have to find unreasonable behaviour? Is irretrievable breakdown not enough? (Side issue... Think very carefully about paying school fees up front in advance - some parents at my daughter's school did so and lost huge sums when the school went bust.) Difficult time for you. Good luck.

Hermonie2016 Fri 03-Mar-17 08:47:56

The risk both of you have is that whilst married the finances cannot be dismissed.If circumstances changed either one of you would have a claim on the other.

Each house you buy will still be a martial asset so any increase/improvements could be shared when you do divorce.

You could start the process since there are delays due to courts being busy and that will allow time to adjust.
I think you have to decide if the legal certainty is a higher requirement than formally ending the marriage.If there is OW then previous goodwill may evaporate!

If the school fees are the priority perhaps you can action that first so you have safety there.

Solicitors have long argued for no fault divorces as unreasonable behaviour canot cause hostility where none previously existed.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Fri 03-Mar-17 09:35:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotJanine Fri 03-Mar-17 09:39:04

I think there is a separation order that you can have drawn up instead of a consent order, if you are not getting divorced. However, as Hermonie says above, I don't this is as final as a consent order and future claims can still be made.

Unless there is a chance you'll be getting back together, I don't see why you don't start divorce proceedings?

FYI - there is also a divorce/separation forum so you may get some more advice if you post in there smile

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Fri 03-Mar-17 09:39:54

I don't think "irretrievable breakdown" exists as grounds for divorce in the U.K. so you will need to proceed with "unreasonable behaviour". If you get your decree nisi there's no rush for decree absolute, but you may have to re-apply for nisi.

NotJanine Fri 03-Mar-17 09:46:40

Sorry didn't see your reply when I wrote mine

You don't have to complete a form E. But do need to complete D81 to accompany the consent order.

Blobby10 Fri 03-Mar-17 10:12:23

To be honest Kansas if you really aren't going to get back together (and it sounds unlikely as you have divided up all the finances and sorted separate accommodation already), why not proceed with the divorce? Its much easier to do it when there aren't others involved - plenty of people will put in their twopennorth as it is!

This is the situation my (nearly) ex and I were in when we first decided to separate - we both knew we didn't want to work hard enough to rescue the relationship so divorced sooner rather than drag it out.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Fri 03-Mar-17 16:58:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

category12 Fri 03-Mar-17 17:20:37

Yep, your choices are unreasonable behaviour, adultery, 2yrs separation with consent or 5yrs separation without consent. I think there is abandonment also, not sure.

I would go ahead with the divorce as legal separation first seems like dragging it out, to me.

I don't think him changing behaviour after you decided to split should make a difference - it's still why you split. As long as you can show you are living separate lives, and assuming he doesn't defend the divorce, it should stand, surely?

Hermonie2016 Fri 03-Mar-17 17:24:43

Emotionally ending a marriage is hard but once you start the process your heart follows your head.It also helps that the ex often acts badly at some stage so you see their true colours, quite sobering!

I am surprised about him offering adultery, that would make me suspicious, but I'm cynical after so long on MN!

Only you can know if this appears to be the end of the road, some times we do grow apart rather than together.
I deeply regret my marriage ending but I couldn't stay in it as stbxh behaviour was intolerable.The sadness will always be there but it doesn't mean it was the wrong decision.

If you agree finances you can get the consent order drafted and signed off by a court, no need for financial disclosure or form Es. (That's only for us with ex's who are totally unreasonable so court is the only way)

NotJanine Fri 03-Mar-17 17:36:30

I agree that it is emotional deciding to petition for divorce. Even when you know there's no going back, it makes it all very real when you complete the form and then start getting mail from the courts with X vs Y on it.

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore Sun 05-Mar-17 20:22:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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