Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Really an AIBU but too fragile for there. Friendship and job opportunity.

(21 Posts)
Gertrudeisgerman Thu 02-Mar-17 17:48:31

I think I'm about to piss my friend off sad and our friendship is already on rocky ground tbh.

I've applied for and got an interview for a job that she told me not to apply for as she was applying for the a team role and team leader role. There were 6FT posts in different locations (3 of which are in travelling distance of home) and one team leader post.

I hate my job. And I mean HATE it. I did a years post grad study in this area and saw the job I've got now as a stepping stone. It's early starts and badly paid and my manager micro manages things like going to the toilet etc. I have to get my 3dc's up at 6am and to the childminders and I'm a LP so it's hard.

My friend hasn't got experience in the team role (mental health) so I was confused about why she was going for it anyway. I could probably have gone for the team leader role too but thought that I shouldn't as my friend has got a good chance of getting that.

So I've got an interview for the team role and our old manager has just told me my friend has an interview for the team leader role. I don't know if she's got an interview for the other.

I've sent her a message saying I'm really sorry but I had to apply and she hasn't responded.

Things have been rocky between ya anyway because I did her a massive & frankly pita favour that saved her hundreds of pounds last year and barely got a thank you and she called me miserable a few times when I was trying to work FT and get a 20,000 word dissertation done and couldn't go out or see anyone much.

My friend is a fair bit older than me, grown up DC's and a very settled life so doesn't have the (financial) pressures I do. Was AIBU to go for the same job? I knew about the job because our old manager told me about it and said I should apply.

Was trying not to drip feed! Sorry it's so long!

TheQueenSnortsAvocados Thu 02-Mar-17 17:54:07

Didn't want to read and run.

You are not unreasonable, and she is not your friend.

For context, I applied for a job working with and for my oldest friend 18 months ago, and she was nothing but supportive - as a good friend should be.

RandomMess Thu 02-Mar-17 17:56:13

Unless you knew nothing about the vacancies and she told you about them she can take a run & jump! You can't "dibs" a job vacancy...

toffeeboffin Thu 02-Mar-17 17:57:40


And she doesn't sound like a friend at all!

ImperialBlether Thu 02-Mar-17 18:05:15

I really wish you'd gone for the Team Leader role. It sounds as though you've been a really good friend to her and she's abused that. I wouldn't think of her as a friend, frankly.

Gertrudeisgerman Thu 02-Mar-17 18:06:04

Phew, thanks! I really thought I was BU and selfish. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity of a 5k pay rise and better working hours. It's mostly so the poor DC's don't have to get up and out so early.

Thanks everyone.

Gertrudeisgerman Thu 02-Mar-17 18:07:49

Our old manager is angry that I didn't go for the team leader role imperial but tbh my confidence isnt great after leaving abusive exH.

GeneralTFuckup Thu 02-Mar-17 18:08:25

YANBU. you sound like a great friend, it's a shame she's treating you so badly. These jobs are not hers to say who applies for them! If that makes sense hmmflowers

offblackeggshell Thu 02-Mar-17 18:08:26

You are not being unreasonable. I agree with pp that you ought to have gone for the leader role too if you are qualified. Your 'friend' is not being a friend if she doesn't want what's best for you!

OurBlanche Thu 02-Mar-17 18:08:57

I would have told you to go for the Team Leader role too!

Friendships should never dictate job applications - ever!

Good luck smile

PaterPower Thu 02-Mar-17 18:26:55

No way are you being unreasonable, far from it. If she were a good friend she'd be pleased for you, regardless of whether you were in competition for the role.

Hidingtonothing Thu 02-Mar-17 18:36:02

She told you not to apply?!!! What kind of 'friend' does that when, presumably, she knows it would be a good move for you personally and professionally? It seems she is receiving consideration and loyalty from you which certainly isn't reciprocated by her, I agree with pp's, she isn't your friend. Call me spiteful but I really hope you get the job and she doesn't.

tinglyfing Thu 02-Mar-17 18:36:51

She can't tell you what you can and can't apply for ffs! YANBU!

frieda909 Thu 02-Mar-17 18:38:14

She is a shitty 'friend', if you can even call her that!

I work in a very competitive industry where good, well paid jobs at the next level up are like gold dust. If I see a good opportunity then I share it with all my friends who are at the same level as me! We all just accept that we'll be going for the same jobs a lot of the time, and it's nothing personal. I'd much rather encourage and support my friends and colleagues than battle against them.

Waitingonasmile Thu 02-Mar-17 18:38:23

You are not being unfair at all. I really hope you get it. flowers

PlumsGalore Thu 02-Mar-17 18:39:31

I have money on you getting the team member role and her missing out on the team leader role so you probably wont end up working together. She isn't a friend anyway, so it will all be fine!

AllllGooone Thu 02-Mar-17 18:41:09

I really hope you get the job, she doesn't, and you cut her off.

allegretto Thu 02-Mar-17 18:43:47

YABU for not applying for the team leader role! Honestly, any real friend would not try and stop you getting a job that you want and need. You need to prioritise YOUR family over a friend that sounds a bit flaky anyway. I really hope you get the job - and that they consider you for both roles!

Ohyesiam Thu 02-Mar-17 20:01:54


BobbinThreadbare123 Thu 02-Mar-17 20:11:37

She is a frenemy at best. You go for whatever you want; nobody gets to tell you what to do. If your 'friend' whinges, tell her to shove it up her arse.

Dragongirl10 Thu 02-Mar-17 20:13:41 deserve a chance at the role just the same as anyone else...any true friend would wish you well.....l think your boundaries are not strong enough though op...she is not your friend. Good friends want the best for you and always support you.

l would let go of the friendship quietly, toughen your heart and look for people who do support you.

Lastly you should always do what is best for your DCs no matter who may get upset, never forget that...

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: