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I hit OH this morning. ASHAMED

(139 Posts)
stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:36:56

Dd woke up this morning at 5am. She usually sleeps through until around 7 but last few days she's been up early and really demanding all day it's tough.. she only ever wants me as well which makes it even tougher as it's like nobody can help me out. I am run ragged and exhausted.

Me and OH and a little squabble this morning it got more heated very quickly and OH called me a cunt. Said I was Lazy because I don't work all I do is swan around with the baby (not true) I do everything in this house.

OH barged passed me and knocked into me it wasn't too hard but it defiantly was the straw that broke the camels back I reached out and I hit him then burst into tears because I was so angry.

I have never hit anyone ever! He has gone off to work now and rightfully so isn't speaking to me.. I know if he hit me I would of packed his stuff there and then. It's my house and
I don't know what to do. I feel terrible about it.

We usually have a good relationship we have disagreements but they are usually resolved quickly and things have never for physical before. He did not hit me back this morning and he has never laid a finger on me he calmly walked away.

EssieTregowan Thu 02-Mar-17 08:39:44

So he called you a lazy count and barged into you? That is abuse. Hitting back isn't great but he started it, and I highly doubt you hurt him.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Mar-17 08:46:53

This is very hard.
If it's usually good then I would say it's exhaustion.
But.... He called you lazy and a cunt!
If anyone called me a cunt they would be out the door.
Has he called you names before?
What do you want to happen next?

QuiteLikely5 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:51:48

You were bang out of order! How would you like taking a punch or whatever it was?

You were physically abusive he was verbally abusive- dreadful combination.

Children who live in homes were abuse is present - their brains are wired differently from those who do not grow up with abuse.

Sort your self out

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:53:21

We are very casual cunters to be fair it's a term of endearment obviously never in front of our child and not in front of company but it's something we usually have a joke with I know some people would say that's a awful thing to do and yes I know but it's just our sense of humour. This morning wasn't a joke though I've just received an email from him
Apologising profusely for what he said and how he respects what I do as a mother and I'm a good mum always putting everyone else first.

I feel terrible for hitting him.. he works hard to provide for this family and regardless of what he said he didn't deserve to be hit. I don't know if he barged or walked into me our kitchen is tiny so it was as he was going past.

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:55:03

My child does not grow up I'm a house of abuse it happened in a separate room and as I said it hasn't happened before.

In terms of bickering that's over silly stuff what couple doesn't bicker from time to time?

Astro55 Thu 02-Mar-17 08:56:32

Take a breath and get over it - it's a natural reaction and you reacted -

He's obviously taken some of the blame for his actions

Email back and say sorry - I think we need to talk later

BIWI Thu 02-Mar-17 08:58:32

This is your cue to talk to your husband. Talk about how exhausted you are. Talk to him about why he felt it was justified to call you lazy.

And then you need to get him to help you more. You're looking after a baby, you're not the hired help.

troodiedoo Thu 02-Mar-17 08:58:54

Neither of you were at your best. That's a good sign that he sent you the email. I'd reply saying you love him, you are sorry and ashamed of your actions and will discuss properly tonight.

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:01:12

I have emailed him back and said I am really sorry aswell but I'd prefer not to discuss it over his works email.

We were both in abusive relationships before my ex used to hit me a lot and his ex used to attack him on a regular basis she would bite him, claw at his face and punch him. I in no way think this is acceptable at all

MSisNasty Thu 02-Mar-17 09:02:27

OP I can understand where you're coming from as I did the same a few weeks ago. I was mortified as I have never done this before and as a mid-40's woman should know better.

He has driven the car and stopped at red lights, and asked me to sort out our toddlers seat belt as it had been accidentally disconnected by the child. It pisses me off he always expects me to leap out of the car, especially as I have MS which causes all manner of physical problems. Despite this, I leapt out as fast as I could, but apparently that was the wrong thing, DH only wanted me to leap in the back of the vehicle and sort it like that.

There was no car behind us so I just went as fast as I could, with DH shrieking at me to get back in, so I finally went to my car door and he drove off before i was in the car. It scared the life out of me, especially as I am disabled so don't have usual function. So I punched him once just above the elbow and told him never to do that again!

I felt terrible and he's told his Mum and sibling that I punched him, so I'm not feeling like a husband beater. Not good.

MSisNasty Thu 02-Mar-17 09:04:39

*now feeling like, not "not feeling like"

novemberontrumpwatch Thu 02-Mar-17 09:06:26

Sounds like you need to talk with him and find some way to get more sleep - deprivation can make you act very strangely. How old is the baby?

DearMrDilkington Thu 02-Mar-17 09:07:02

How old is your dd?

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:12:03

Dd is 9 months old she's teething real bad at the mo and we are going through a bit of a health scare with her as well. Waiting for a hospital appointment.

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:12:39

MS that sounds horrible. How are you and DH now? X

SandyY2K Thu 02-Mar-17 09:13:46

I would not be in a relationship where I was called a c**t. I absolutely hate that word.

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:14:54

Sandy, I know it's a big no no for a lot of people but we do use it quite loosely i think it's our age and our sense of humour. Casual cunting is not for everyone x

MuseumOfCurry Thu 02-Mar-17 09:15:13

Do you have just the baby, or other children?

Would you say you're struggling with the baby?

By the way, we're casual 'cunt' people too (thanks MN!).

I think the way you've handled it in the aftermath is a good sign.

laureywilliams Thu 02-Mar-17 09:16:27

I'm glad he apologised perhaps you can have a long chat later.

He pushed past/barged into you? That's not nice and I'm not surprised you hit him (though not saying its ok).

I don't think you deserve to feel terrible for it! And it sounds like you're trying to excuse the barging by making out it was an accident. Does he usually barge into you accidentally?

neonrainbow Thu 02-Mar-17 09:17:29

He got physical first so hes not whiter than white. But it sounds like you both recognise things escalated. Time for you both to have a calm discussion face to face to ensure this doesn't happen again.

laureywilliams Thu 02-Mar-17 09:18:25

I wouldn't be in a relationship where I was called a cunt. Or in a relationship with someone who couldn't type cunt and had to put 'c**t'.

But that's ok isn't it we're all different!!

stupididiot26 Thu 02-Mar-17 09:19:28

No he has never barged me before unless we are messing around being playful. We are only in our twenties so we quite often play fight. I wouldn't say struggling as such defiantly could use more sleep and a few more decent meals by the time I've sorted her out of an evening and he works lates half the week I just end up chucking whatever in the oven I think the lack of sleep and nutrition is defiantly taking its toll

FilledSoda Thu 02-Mar-17 09:19:34

Sandy I do too.
It's a disgusting way to speak to anyone

dailybabystuff Thu 02-Mar-17 09:20:17

OP. You are both stressed and very short of sleep. His "barging" was obviously meant to be aggressive and unpleasant, but probably in the "pent-up fury trying not to actually hit you" sort of aggressive territory.

To the poster who called the "barging" "abuse". This is a tired couple with a small baby having a bad morning. For all you know they love each other. They love their baby. Don't try to break up other people's relationships with your poison.

I have been married for nearly 30 years and after 4 kids, money worries, resentments about who's doing what, redundancies, hangovers, stressful car journeys etc there were quite a few times that one or other of us lashed out at the other and it wasn't pretty. We both hated it, felt like shit, I would rather we'd been less volatile, but we always talked about it and acknowledged our faults, OH probably more often than me. Now we are a very strong team. I am glad we forgave when it was needed.

Real abuse is something else. Granted, someone who gets cross and "accidentally" pushes his partner aside could BECOME an abuser, but labelling him as such rather than letting him talk about his feelings (clearly a lot going on there) won't help at all.

I am totally sick of how many people on this forum seem to think men must be completely perfect or else taken out and shot.

The OP and her OH need to talk about what happened this morning, acknowledge their lack of sleep, and apologise then talk about how they are working together without scoring points and also try to recognise that a relationship involving a child is a long haul with a long term outcome.

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