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Like someone after leaving an abusive relationship

(9 Posts)
Iamback234 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:21:41

Had to NC.

So, it's been 10 months since I left my abusive relationship (I can't believe I left after 9 years !!). I've been looking after myself, completed the freedom programme, started running, enjoying my 6 year old DD and finally looking out of the window, which looked quite bleak and finally I think to myself " I can control my life". I do get some sadness about the relationship I had with DDs dad and question how am I gonna support DD, guide her without her dad in the picture. But I guess this is natural.

Currently, I'm doing some part time work (not a long term thing just need it as experience for the career I want to go into). So my coworkers seem ok, I'm loving the job, everything is ok. Though ! 2 months ago, a coworker who works in our building but in a different department ( I think he was covering for someone) came into ours and when we first saw each other we just locked eyes. It was like love at first sight grin (it wasn't I bet but that's how I felt).

So I developed a crush, I was shocked, I mean how can I have a crush ?!! I was with my ex for 9 years and no way did I have any sort of crush towards another man, I didn't even look at men ! I was also a bit sad as if I was forgetting my ex ( I know, I know. But anyway, he was only in our department for an hour and I did notice him looking at me, turning away when I looked etc. But then he went and I as I work part time, by then I finished and went home.

After that I didn't see him in our department again as like I said, he was covering for someone and after New Years I totally forgot about him. Till when I showed up at work in the New year and he was there, someone told me that they moved him into this department. I dunno, every time his near me he gets uncomfortable, I haven't shown him that I liked him. I'm really professional and besides he can have a girlfriend for all I know. There was a time we were alone in the office and he didn't say anything to me so I figured that I'm being deluded into me thinking that he may like me so I let go...also I then switched to another department so I didn't see him after that.

So last week ! He was doing something in my department, which I now was working in and he finally spoke to me ! smile He wanted to me to help with something and he was asking related things like how I got into the job, what interested and we started conversing. The whole time though, he was acting nervous, he was accidentally dropping things on the floor, he made a few mistakes.

Though to be honest Mumsnetters, I'm not sure if I'm over thinking this ? Maybe it's my imagination ? I'm thinking of letting go of this crush as I don't want to go down the same route as what I did with my ex abusive partner. I was thinking of asking him out...or waiting a little bit longer for him to hint something as I don't want to embarrass myself in this newish job. Though I'm thinking maybe it's better to just concentrate on DD now and start dating later ? It's been 10 months since my last relationship and I don't know if I'm fully "healed" yet from my past abuse or maybe I'm holding onto this crush because I want to forget the pain of my ex ?

I dunno. What do you mum netters think ?

Oh I'm 24 by the way smile

Bluefluff Wed 01-Mar-17 20:27:49

Firstly well done on fleeing the abuse! You clearly have great strength.

I too am a fellow survivor and my view is that our exs have taken up enough of our time, and this is OUR time to do as we please now.

I'd go for it. But remember what you learnt in the freedom programme, so your armed to spot a bad un if one ever comes by again!

Take it slow and see how it goes... X

Iamback234 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:30:48

Thank you blue but I don't know if he likes me. I just don't want to embarrass myself at this new place.

Bluefluff Wed 01-Mar-17 20:32:50

I'd see how he is with you over the next few weeks, see if he drops any hints! but definitely don't let your past stop you from enjoying your future. smile

JK1773 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:51:25

I agree with Blue. Wait a bit and see what happens if anything. Always a bit awkward at work but don't stop living your life. This is your time now and if you do end up going on a date just take it easy, enjoy it and don't rush headlong into anything serious. It's exciting to have a crush and start moving on.

Teabay Wed 01-Mar-17 20:59:26

Just this!!

but definitely don't let your past stop you from enjoying your future. smile

Iamback234 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:07:51

Is it normal for me to be sad about moving on from my ex ?

Bluefluff Wed 01-Mar-17 21:22:01

Yes, in that way it's no different from other breakups. Just because they were abusive doesn't mean we aren't allowed to grieve for the relationship, and be sad that it didn't work out.

JK1773 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:38:07

And that's why you must take your time if you start dating again. Don't use a new date to mask sadness and get over your ex. If you want to date, do it because it would truly be fun and you can enjoy it for exactly what it is, time for you

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