Hi
Not really sure if this is the right section to put this in.
My older brother is autistic and has had anxieties around his gender for about 5 years now. He self diagnoses off the Internet, and will only hear what he wants to hear to make it fit with a diagnosis he's decided he has. He doesn't take on board reassurances or anything to help him reduce his anxiety, and every now and then he comes up with a grand plan to prove whether or not he has something. The latest is he is determined to have an MRI done privately (nhs have said no) to prove he is intersex.
He flits from being his female persona and his male persona, but he insists that he wants to become a woman. We were all calling him by his feminine name and he was about to change it by deed poll, but around Christmas he decided that he was going to stay male and stopped it all. But now he insists that he wants to be female, and talks about having operations such as gender reassignment his Adam's apple being removed. (The inconsistency is why I am referring to the masculine domain rather than feminine). He is massively underweight, and he doesn't eat enough to maintain a healthy body weight, but he doesn't seem to be bothered to do anything about it.
Anyway, I'm heavily pregnant now and birth is imminent. I talked to him today and told him I want him to think of a gender neutral name for his relationship to baby, as I don't want her to be confused. I gave examples and suggested things like 'noo noo' or 'meemaw'. He didn't like these names and said he wants to be auntie name he has given himself
I've explained his inconsistency is confusing for us at the best of times, let alone for a baby or small child who doesn't understand the concept of gender. She will probably decide what to call him anyway.
My partner said that our priority is baby, and this might mean that she will call my brother something that he doesn't like.
I don't know how to address this, as he's adamant that he wants to be referred to as auntie, but he's not consistent with it. I'm scared this will just confuse her.
What can I do? I think I've taken a reasonable step by suggesting gender neutral names but this doesn't seem to be enough for him.
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Relationships
How can I prevent gender confusion for baby about my brother/sister
Clumsymumsy22 · 01/03/2017 20:18
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