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Struggling-

(6 Posts)
Julia1973 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:24:51

Far from getting easier things seem to be getting harder- possibly as my Mum moved in for the first 6 weeks running up to Christmas to act as a buffer.

Since Christmas with Mum gone, stbxh is just constantly messing with my head. Saying he loves me, doesn't want the divorce,is working on sorting out issues one minute.... I take it all with a pinch of salt and have have carried on with divorce proceedings which is probably a good thing as the next minute he goes on about now being free to "shag" whoever he likes, and actually it should be me who should change to win him back....?!!!Errr, ok?!
I have reduced our contact as much as possible BUT....
1) All his bills still come out of my bank and I then have to chase him for the money.
2) When he comes to visit the kids it's round our house as his place is 30 mins away and a flatshare/lodging.

I am finding keeping my own emotions under check increasingly difficult but don't see a way round it. If I stop paying the bills he will get into further financial difficulty which will impact on maintenance etc in the long run. If I don't let him round the house he has to wander the streets with the kids. Besides, even though I'm paying the mortgage he says he still has the right to come in the house whenever as it's also in his name.

Currently holed up in my own bedroom feeling very sorry myself whilst he is downstairs with the kids.

Julia1973 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:58:24

Maybe I should have made the topic title a bit more exciting, lol. Or just get over myself smile

Hermonie2016 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:23:42

Well done on staying strong.

Keep on with the divorce.What will happen to to house?

It may be your ex's house but it's now your home so he should wait to be invited.
This stage is hard, adrenalin from initial breakup is gone and now you have to keep going despite being exhausted and drained by all the emotional ups & downs.

Just removed yourself "this will end"

Also keep a list if his behaviours and why you are leaving him.It does help to keep the focus.
Ive cried a lot since I separated but then I remember I also cried alot when I was with him as he was so abusive.There is light at the end so keep the faith.

Julia1973 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:37:49

Hey

We put the house on the market this week. Agreed to split equity 60/40 in my favour. I'll buy my own for me and the kids.

We were each other's only friend really and I don't think he wants to let go of that- buys my thoughtful little gifts {may favourite chocolate bar, or makes me my favourite dinner when he comes to visit girls) It just makes it all the bloody harder.

Hadn't seen him since last Wednesday and was feeling good. He left 2 hours ago and I'm now back to square 1.

EweAreHere Wed 01-Mar-17 21:44:11

Can you not stop paying his bills and just cancel the direct debits?

Julia1973 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:50:30

I could- but one of the reasons (and by far not the worst)reason I had enough was because he'd run up debts (in my name and his) and then hide them.
Since we split Ive worked hard at sorting my credit score out but he is pretty out of control financially - going on binge drinking sprees (£300)in one night even though he doesn't drink, getting extensive tattoo work done to cover up the my tiny name he had on his arm, designer clobber etc. I know that if I just stop the direct debit he simply won't pay the bills.

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