Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can anyone help me get over waste of money on divorce?

(19 Posts)
yadayada123 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:09:49

Just wondering if anyone has any tips on getting over the sheer waste of money that goes to solicitors in a divorce. My ExW is unwilling to negotiate on the financial side of things so it's going to a final hearing....

Total costs between us will end up in the region of £25,000.

Thats £25,000 less for either of us to spend on the kids, on our lives. Just absolutely crazy, and I'm sure it could be easily negotiated.

So frustrating.....

tomatoplantproject Wed 01-Mar-17 18:14:12

She believes that you will stitch her up if you negotiate directly and she will get a better settlement by going to court.

PippaFawcett Wed 01-Mar-17 18:17:18

I think £25k is pretty standard unfortunately.

Matilda1981 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:18:00

My exh took me to court as he wanted residency of our girls; £20k each later and he lost! It wasn't a waste of money ultimately as I have residency but bloody hell things would have been better if he could have seen that two girls under 4 really need their mum (they need their dad too I know and was willing for every other weekend and more than half the holidays as he moved 160 miles away) but anger makes people act so irrationally!

yummytummy Wed 01-Mar-17 18:18:58

Op I am in exact same position except it's exh who will not settle. We have been quoted similar. I just don't know what to do. Have you had any other advice? I have been told I can't contact him due to a history of abuse and his poor previous behaviour and bullying tendencies

Lostin3dspace Wed 01-Mar-17 18:19:11

It is frustrating, and since there is to be no negotiation, therefore unavoidable. The way to look at it is this: If you accept whatever his offer is, is the cost of the final hearing more than you could gain? If so, then accept, unless it is financial
Bullying and sets a precedent for him to dictate finances for the rest of your children's childhood.
For me, I went in knowing only half of the situation on the principle of not taking any more financial bullying, thinking the cos would be about £7k to me, and it would be a cost neutral process, but as it turned out he had lied about a lot, and I ended up approx £60k better off than had I just rolled over

Hermonie2016 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:21:52

My friend went to court as her exh's offer was not reasonable.It proved to be very sensible since she was awarded much more by a judge.

Post here or legal board what you are offering and we could put her side so you can avoid court.

She doesn't want to go to court so your offer must not be deemed reasonable.

awishes Wed 01-Mar-17 18:24:35

I was in the same position last year. Compromise to avoid 3rd Hearing, not only is it costly it is a horrible experience.
Cut your losses and move on. The emotional benefit will far outweigh the financial.
Good luck

Yeahfine Wed 01-Mar-17 18:25:04

Yes it is frustrating but if you can't agree a settlement, someone else will have to make the decisions for you.

If there's not much in the pot, sometimes it's best for one of you to walk away with less than you want but presumably, there's a lot to negotiate in which case you will have to suck it up.

yadayada123 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:30:09

awishes - in some ways I wish I could do that but the only offers to come through are such a ridiculous amount of money I'd have no money at all and I need some for the care of the kids. The pension amounts are skewing things so I'd have to cash them in.

yadayada123 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:32:03

yeahfine - yes I'm having to suck it up I guess but I get so frustrated with the waste of money. The only offers have been far too excessive otherwise yes I'd yield quite a lot

TheNaze73 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:40:17

Think you'll have to suck it OP. You sound very reasonable, just look after yourself. She'll be out to get you

WeeMcBeastie Wed 01-Mar-17 18:50:34

£25k??? 😱
Bloody hell, mine cost less than £700!

Yeahfine Wed 01-Mar-17 19:05:10

Will the children be living with your exw?

Everyone's circumstances are different but if she is the resident parent, are you sure that you are being realistic and also are you listening to the legal advice you are receiving? I ask as my exh held out for much more than he was entitled to and he was disappointed after the final hearing.

Silentplikebath Wed 01-Mar-17 19:16:32

A year after the decree absolute you will see that although divorce is expensive it's also good value to get rid of your ex!

wherearemymarbles Wed 01-Mar-17 20:04:47

A very old friend of mine is a divorce lawyer in london.
The stories ive heard over the years......!
It is a complete waste of money and isnt helped by brinkmanship. Sadly £25,000 isnt actuAlly that much.

yadayada123 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:39:10

Thanks for the supportive comments all!

I know I'm not holding out for anything too unreasonable as the judge in the first court case gave their verdict which wasn't binding but is what I am offering, but not enough for her...

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Wed 01-Mar-17 22:06:58

Could you represent yourself? If the judge is going to decide anyway then do you really need a solicitor?????

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Wed 01-Mar-17 22:07:50

Can you tell us what the first judge indicated the settlement would be?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: