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I wish I could tell you

(49 Posts)
Outedlasttimenamechangeagain Wed 01-Mar-17 18:07:39

How it feels to cry at night because you don't love me
That love shouldn't ever make you feel the way your love feels
That I wish you would chase me rather than let me go
That every day I'm without you it hurts more and I feel like I'm broken
That nights are the worst because you're not here
That you've hurt me so much I don't know how to heal
That I've had to pull over in a lay by and cry like I have never cried before twice in the last week
That I have never heard me scream or sob the way I did when I had to pull over
That losing you is the hardest thing I've ever done
That walking away is also the most important thing I've ever done
That the way you would rather go chasing after another girl and not me has almost killed me
That I love you so deeply it hurts
That when you blank me my heart breaks all over again
How no contact gets harder every day but I won't break
How I don't understand that no contact makes me feel like I'm winning
How I wish you were here to tell this to

UpYerGansey Wed 01-Mar-17 18:11:06

Hang in there <unmumsnetty hug>

HoneyBeeMum1 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:18:58

I am so sorry to hear of your pain Outed.

It doesn't feel like it now, but the pain will fade and you will heal.

flowers cake

user1479305498 Wed 01-Mar-17 18:22:04

That made me cry-- I am going to write one myself I think seeing as my DH of 21 years managed to write a ton of song lyrics/poems to someone he had a huge" thing " about 11 years ago that I found by chance 3 months ago (and has totally devastated me) I think I might manage one myself and leave it there with the letter if/when I decide to go. Big hug to you

LesisMiserable Wed 01-Mar-17 18:25:20

All good stuff. At times like this, the more dramatic and intense you feel the better.

Nomoreworkathome Wed 01-Mar-17 18:31:54

You WILL get there. I promise you flowers

Outedlasttimenamechangeagain Wed 01-Mar-17 18:53:19

I want to get there. It hurts it's been a week and all I can think of is him.

LokisLover Wed 01-Mar-17 19:02:30

It's so bloody hard and you may not understand how no contact makes you feel like you're winning but you are winning, you really are.

I know I have to go through all this soon, I don't want to but there is no other way.

We can do this.

CantstandmLMs Wed 01-Mar-17 19:10:18

I'm in no contact to. Totally relate.

Outedlasttimenamechangeagain Wed 01-Mar-17 19:48:00

I think no contact would be easier if he would contact me in some way, I know that's also the thing that could make it fail.

No contact is hard.

theansweris42 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:30:51

I'm doing no contact too. White knuckles. Keep strong. Keep strong.

JK1773 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:32:41

You are doing well OP (and others). Stay strong flowers

Bones17 Wed 01-Mar-17 22:47:04

Hugs lovely. You're strength will come. I know your pain. X

Outedlasttimenamechangeagain Thu 02-Mar-17 18:18:44

I spoke to him tonight, it was all about him.

I wish I could tell him to go jump off a cliff.

CantstandmLMs Fri 03-Mar-17 21:14:41

Did he initiate contact?

I'm struggling tonight but trying to remain strong. Not quite 2 weeks of NC for me yet.

theansweris42 Fri 03-Mar-17 21:22:10

Me too. Only day 5 here.
Stay strong x

CrossCountryRunner Fri 03-Mar-17 21:59:47

Oh love

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you.


Kirk123 Fri 03-Mar-17 22:59:32

Great words I am 3 weeks no contact after 2 years of trying to fix him , I really am winning it's healing honestly please stay 💪

Outedlasttimenamechangeagain Sat 04-Mar-17 08:16:03

He initiated contact and as soon as the conversation was over I blocked his number.

I've been awake most of the night I realised he will never choose me. It hurts that he will never choose me, but it also gives me strength. How long does it take for this to get easier?

Kirk123 Sat 04-Mar-17 10:10:39

It will take as long as it takes , no time or date on this , you will get stronger and you want him to choose you , all you have to do today is breathe and not overthink , please keep his number blocked and don't be tempted for any little crumb from him.

HerOtherHalf Sat 04-Mar-17 10:14:45

I know it's hard but our emotions are ours to own, we just need to decide how we are going to feel. Choosing to smile is a good first step. Smile for yourself, smile at people around you, sing a little song as you go about your day. He is not making you sad, you are making yourself sad. Make yourself happy instead.

CantstandmLMs Sat 04-Mar-17 10:16:01

I'm sorry to hear that Outed. My situation is I had an argument with my ex (before he was my ex) and he believes he cannot give me the 110% of his attention I needed (his view but I've worked on some stuff during this period!) thing is he was utterly besotted with me, puersued me and I came to expect a certain level of attention! He claims no one with compare to me, he doesn't want anyone else but he can't do it anymore!
It kills me!!

So am 3 weeks into our split but 12 days of actual no contact after he was repeating the same things over and over.

Deleted me on fb after seeing pictures of me trying to have a good time envy

Kirk, my question is what are your plans for initiating contact after no contact or are you not going to? Have been reading about it and just weary of starting again after 30 days or so...I do know not what to say or do this time!

Kirk123 Sat 04-Mar-17 17:26:45

To answer your question I have no plans to initiate contact , he has broken me and I am in a recovery phase , his contact serves no
Purpose in my recovery , contact from him with his cruel mind games doesn't allow me to heal , I am done with him !

Tryingfailingagain Mon 06-Mar-17 21:35:17

Being no contact is so hard, I've done nearly all of the 30 days once. And I failed. Nothing much to add, but I feel your pain.
I'm back at day 1. How we get through this I don't know. But all I know is that I can't face waking up in 5 years and still feeling like this. Love I think isn't love unless it's happy and mutual. Love has to be mutual.
I went to a wedding at the weekend and realised that their love is mutual. It's happy and loving and we all deserve that. Everyone deserves that. That is what you have to hold onto. You deserve proper love. Not a half love

Tryingfailingagain Mon 06-Mar-17 21:36:52

I've blocked and unblocked more times than I can remember! Maybe we can try and be strong together!

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