Changed since school - but schoolfriends don't seem to notice

[NessieArd]

Hi all - just wondered if anyone else feels like this?

At school, I was shy, geeky, frizzy and spotty. I had a few friends/allies but was so, so quiet and socially awkward.

Fast forward 15 years and, after lots of hard work, I'm gregarious, much MUCH sleeker and more stylish and have a close group of friends (those who I met from 18 yrs old onwards) a loving DP, a job I adore and a lovely home. I work hard at my friendships and like to think I'm a nice, warm person.

However, on the odd occasion I meet up with school friends (an increasing rarity as I do try to avoid them, it happens mostly at weddings) it feels like they don't realise I'm not the awkward, socially inept 15 year old I used to be. They all yammer on about themselves, fail to make any real effort to find out what I'm up to though occasionally they will say "oh, but you're so PRETTY! How did that HAPPEN?" and similar in a slightly patronising way.

I'm aware that what they think shouldn't matter, this is a ridiculously small issue and I'm seeing them less as they don't make me feel good about myself but does anyone else feel/get seen as the person they used to be and not the person they are now? It is just frustrating - I try to stop it irritating me but relatively little success so far.

[ElspethFlashman]

Yeah I get that a bit. "Look at YOU! OH MY GOD!"

I mean I know I was mousey and drab in school but I didn't have a bloody face transplant. It's only a bit of blonde dye and some lippie. I feel like retorting "I wasn't the only one with greasy hair dear, and we both know it"

[TheZeppo]

Honestly, I think you're overthinking this (and I say this as a fellow ugly duckling).

What's that saying? "If we knew how little people think of us, we'd stop worrying what they think of us". Or something.

They'll prob think oh Nessie has changed a bit. Then they'll see a shiny penny and. E distracted.

I think this says a lot more about how you viewed your younger self to be honest.

[NessieArd]

Oh I can see that - am aware that my hectic social life and interest in clothes is an attempt to gain some distance from my 15 year old self 😊 it is my armour not so much against other people but against reverting to the past me.

[BerylStreep]

Just pull them up on it. 'What do you mean?'

'What are you trying to say?'

And if they come out with a line about you being geeky at school, simply say that thank goodness you have grown up.. Suggest they try it too.

[blowmybarnacles]

Ha, yes, I was the one who was bottom of the confidence /looks / success pile, particularly relationships and least likely to meet anybody and have a family, I was destined to listen to be everybody else's agony aunt and when I'd say 'well I'm single too'would get the 'but you're used to it' response back. (Not joking )

Now out of my original group of frifnds, I'm the one with a family and they are all still looking. They still like to patronise me and show no real interest so I'm slowly sliding out of their lives and not missing them.