calling the police

[user1488373300]

Hello I am new here and used to be a frequent visitor when my wife and I were expecting for first child who is now 5. Sorry for the long post.

We have been happily married for 13 years. We have the occasional arguments about which repeat periodically every 4-5 months we scream at each other it never gets violent lasts about 5-10mins and we T out from each other. In a few hours or a day it call goes back to normal.
On this occasion the argument escalated out of the usual control words were said and to cut the long story short my wife threatened to kill our child and herself.

In hindsight I can see it was an empty threat to get a reaction out of me. She has never uttered such words before. Now in the emotional state I was in I immediately tried to calm her down but my doing so started making her angrier she ran with the child out the front door toward the road. There were no cars coming in either direction and I thought well how long will it be before one comes along. I felt I was losing control of the situation and called the police. When the police arrived she was trying to get into her car and drive away and i was preventing her by holding onto the keys in the ignition. She got arrested and now is hysterical and very bitter with me for calling the police. I am questioning myself if it was the right thing to do calling the police. I believe it was.

What are the thoughts of the forum members?

[tiredvommachine]

For what offence?

[Holly3434]

Yes because she said she was going to harm a child, she took the child only herself to blame here

[Underthemoonlight]

No woman should ever threaten to cause harm to her child. I would be removing myself and the child from the situation you cannot live like this.

[Holly3434]

I'd get social worker's involved even though police are going to do this anyways worth you phoning them up, they'll help you out

[Lf803]

If my husband threatened our child's life then tried to take them with him I would have done exactly the same!

[tribpot]

I think you did do the right thing by calling the police. She was in no fit state to drive or be in sole charge of your child.

[CleverQuacks]

You did exactly the right thing. She threatened to harm your child and then took steps to take the child on her own so that child needed protecting. Is your wife getting any help? Threatening to harm a child is not a normal reaction to conflict and may be a sign of something more complex going on.

[Bluntness100]

Yes you did the right thing, for the simple reason the child must have been terrified. However I'd like to understand more about what's causing these screaming matches and her subsequent behaviour. It doesn't sound like uou should be together for the sake of your child. They should not have to endure this. It's no environment to be brought up in.

[user1488373300]

The arrest was on suspicion of assaulting me because the police saw cuts on my hand i Got when tussling for the key. The police said the only way to remove the risk immediately was to arrest her. She was of course released with no further action, I did not give a statement.

[empirerecordsrocked]

I would have called the police too.

[Purplebluebird]

I would have called them too.

[user1488373300]

I have to say our child is very happy and is thriving we enjoy life as a family. The environment is not tense in the house. Every 4-5 months she has a go at me for not paying enough attention to her.

[Lespritdelsietanner]

Agree with others. If my DH had threatened to kill our son and himself, then fled the house with DS, I would have called the police. I totally understand why you took that course of action. I hope you and your wife can come both learn from this and build a stronger relationship.

[Lweji]

I'll put it very simply to you.
It was when my exH threatened to kill us and our boy that I left him for good. I physically left the house then and reported him to the police.
He has never had unsupervised contact with DS from then on, only last year in public, when DS was already over 10 years of age.
Of course there were other things, but I just wouldn't risk it.

Do you really trust her?
Do you want your child to be subjected to another situation like this?

Think about it.

[Owlzes]

Child was potentially at risk. What else could you have done? Def the right thing to do. I hope she is able to get help now. She sounds like she was very distressed.

[Holly3434]

Your convincing yourself your child's happy or us? Your married to a selfish woman who has no regard for your child's well-being. Let her go in hysterical state but you need to think of your child. Say if she did have the keys what would you have woken up to today? A murder and a suicide? That's what she Said and was that determined to do this she hurt you, and wouldn't stop till the police came not worth the risk anymore I'm afraid

[Underthemoonlight]

But it's not a happy environment for a child she no doubt was witness to all this it's an appaulling that it happened in front of her mn you only argue 4-5 months, once is enough. No sane woman would ever consider harming her child to cause harm to you they just wouldn't. If my dh did this I would not return whatsoever

[tribpot]

Rather than being angry at you for calling the police, she should be investigating counselling to see how she (or you both?) prevent the arguments from escalating into screaming matches. She had clearly completely lost control of herself. That shouldn't be happening.

[m0therofdragons]

I have 3 dc and love my husband but if he ever threatened them harm I would leave and he'd only have supervised visitation. Normal happy families do not say that it make empty threats. Your family life is not stable if twice a year it all explodes and you're naive to think your dc isn't affected I'm afraid. I'm stunned that given the circumstances it's she that is angry and not you with her. You're being made out by the abuser to believe you're in the wrong and she's the victim. No victim would threaten to harm their dc!

[user1488373300]

I have spoken to the safeguarding team and I am awaiting the info that tey are signposting me to. I am going to call them.

[Holly3434]

You've done the right thing as next argument she might be more sneaky not say a word take child and go. Get both yourselves outta there.

[user1488373300]

Thank you all for your comments and thoughts, I am not going to give up on her and simply call it quits. My child loves her as much as she loves me.
But I recognize there is an issue here that needs urgent looking into. And the issue may well be with me too.

[Underthemoonlight]

I think she's mentally unwell no one threatens to hasty there child but by all means sweep it under the rug 👌

[Underthemoonlight]

Hurt"

[Holly3434]

Just because you don't want to give up on her OP, i don't see why your child should be at the centre of being put at harm. How old is your child?