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Nothing like a good kicking while you're down

(46 Posts)
MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 10:30:56

I need to just get this out there.

My baby is nearly 8 months old.

Huge hyperemesis pregnancy followed by section, steroid withdrawal, 4lb baby with undiagnosed tongue tie for 16 weeks and breastfeeding hourly day and night, followed by a house move then back to work, then off again with severe anxiety and depression.

DP gets up this morning, after I've been very ill again for a week and matter of factly says... You could do with going to the gym.

Wanted to scream at him. I have had your child in the hardest circumstances you prick and have no family here and never get a break and I'm tired ill and stressed.

What the fuck is wrong with blokes that they just aim a punch at you while you're already down!!

OneWithTheForce Wed 01-Mar-17 10:32:57

sad that really fucking cruel. Is he generally so insensitive?

Semaphorically Wed 01-Mar-17 10:35:38

What?? As in "you're not in the physical shape I expect"? Tell him that he never gets to critique your body, it doesn't belong to him and he has no rights over it.

You have done an amazing thing, making a new person and sustaining that new person in incredibly difficult circumstances. It is very very hurtful of him to expect you to be decorative for him as a priority!!

SandyY2K Wed 01-Mar-17 10:36:31

I take it tact and diplomacy aren't the reasons you married him.

Happybunny19 Wed 01-Mar-17 10:38:12

Wow, is he always so insensitive or is he just stuck with his foot firmly lodged in his mouth?

highinthesky Wed 01-Mar-17 10:38:45

DP probably doesn't realise the impact his "wisdom" has had on you. I have no doubt that he thinks he is being helpful in his own fuckwitted masculine way.

Tell him that when you want his advice, you'll ask for it.

MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 10:48:33

We are not married and I have already called off the engagement several weeks ago.

I can't believe I am being made to feel this way after what I have been through to get that baby here and alive.


OneWithTheForce Wed 01-Mar-17 10:49:54

Ok so this isn't a one off? This is just him?

MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 11:01:48

No, he keeps being an arsehole.

His mother is the same. Blunt as fuck.

Had her here making comments about my weight when baby was only four months old!

These people do not realise how lucky I am to still be standing and given them a child /grandchild.

I'm not even massive, just overweight on my middle and still too weak and sore to exercise.


Suspendersformybelief Wed 01-Mar-17 11:44:35

I can really see why you are so angry, that was so insensitive

Just playing devils advocate...just there anyway he might have meant to get to the gym to exercise for health and well-being reasons?

My DP made a similar comment to me recently and it was made because I have been stressed recently and he knows when I used to go to the gym, I generally felt better with health issues I have and more motivation.

It sounds like you really need support that you are not getting there off those idiots. You've called off the engagement, are you thinking of ending the relationship entirely? Is there anyway of going to stay with family for a bit to get help?

Winniethepooer Wed 01-Mar-17 11:50:45

If baby is 8 months old, you really should be physically able to go to the gym.

I would say 'Thanks insensitive arse hole dp, I'm off to tbe gym twice aweek. Make sure your home to look after the baby... Byyyyeeeeee!

Make recovery, healing & building yourself up, your top priority.

VimFuego101 Wed 01-Mar-17 11:55:18

I dont throw LTB around lightly, but you really should. Other than this one stupid comment, is he generally helpful and supportive? I'm guessing not if you called off the engagement.

Bluntness100 Wed 01-Mar-17 11:55:51

It was hugely insensitive I agree and clearly something wrong if you've called off the engagement, and you've a lot on your plate if off with anxiety and depression.

Physical exercise, getting out and doing something does help with anxiety and depression yes, but if that is what he meant then clearly he could have explained it better.

What is your medical paractioner saying, still weak and sore after eight months is very concerning, what are they doing to help you?

MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 12:05:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Handsoffmysweets Wed 01-Mar-17 12:09:51

Music that was a bit harsh on Winnie. She told you to concentrate on yourself and recovery, I just think maybe the first bit came out wrong!

What a pig saying that to you, his mother sounds just as bad.

OneWithTheForce Wed 01-Mar-17 12:11:24

What is he insecure about? Turn the tables. Just randomly while he is getting changed suggest he look into getting a dick enlarger and then walk off.

Chops2016 Wed 01-Mar-17 12:16:15

Winnie maybe you were all healed up after 8 months... congratulations! Not everyone is. It's ignorant of you to assume OPs state of health, especially since she has already explained her pregnancy and delivery was traumatic.

This would really make me disconnect from my partner. Does he seriously think after you've had a baby your body just pops back to how it was before? What a prize dickhead.

I take it he himself is a perfectly chiselled adonis?

MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 12:22:11

He's now blaming me for my reaction!!!

OnTheRise Wed 01-Mar-17 12:23:48

I wasn't fit enough to go to the gym until my babies were a few years old because of complications I suffered during delivery. My youngest is in his teens now and I still have problems. So the advice that the OP should be fit enough to go to the gym now her baby is eight months old is ridiculous.

Music, you're a marvel. You've had a baby under really difficult circumstances, you're fighting to keep him or her well and happy and warm, and you're doing all this while being treated with a horrible amount of disrespect. Do some sit ups if you want to, or eat a biscuit. Either way you are a warrior woman, and I celebrate you.

Underthemoonlight Wed 01-Mar-17 12:26:21

Your post rings true to me because I was you please get out my ex and his mother were EA. After just 3 weeks giving birth I had digs about my stretch marks and weight I was young at the time and I had returned to my previous weight but it wasn't good enough. It only got worse until he made me believe no one would want me and I did believe that. I wish I left but the best thing was he cheated on me and left me I now have a loving husband and another two DC. I'm away from him and his hateful mother there's no drama whatsoever in my live.

KittyWindbag Wed 01-Mar-17 12:30:13

Fucking arsehole. I never understand these men who come out with this shit. You've physically seen the extreme toll pregnancy and childbirth have taken on your partner - where's the sympathy and compassion?

Don't let him make you feel even a bit bad about yourself OP. You're a total warrior. Well done.

Happybunny19 Wed 01-Mar-17 12:43:23

That was completely unnecessary to winniethepooer. I don't think she was out of order and was showing you sympathy op.

Greenfingeredfun Wed 01-Mar-17 12:47:14

Winnie, ignore op flowers
Op, ignore 'd'p flowers

MusicIsMedicine Wed 01-Mar-17 12:47:25

Thanks for the kind words from those who have been there!!

He is doing a number on me. Making out he's the big patient hero putt up with my struggling. While he has still got all His own life, the gym, friends, work, social, health. He cannot see how good he has it and that he can do all that because I'm here. Arsehole.

How do I get my confidence back.

kittybiscuits Wed 01-Mar-17 12:50:57

Lose the deadweight. It will boost your confidence no end when you are not being treated like crap.

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