Came out of a longterm relationship 6 years ago. Met a guy, X, through mutual friends. He asked me out and we went on about four dates. I was not ready for anything new at all, so was taking things very slowly. He eventually called me to "dump" me and told me it was obvious that I didn't fancy him because I'd refused his advances (not true, I just didn't want to be intimate with anyone at all.) I said fair enough, he obviously wanted things to go a lot faster than I did. Around that time I also started dating my DH, he let me take things slowly and a couple of years later we were married.
No contact with X until last year, I saw him at a few events of our same mutual friends, we reconnected as friends.. He met DH and the DC too and all seemed to be fine. He eventually asked me if I would introduce him to any of my single friends. My best friend had asked me only the day before, if I knew any single bachelors she could meet, so it seemed appropriate.
I arranged to meet them both for a drink with a plan to leave them together if they got on well. We all met, and things were going well until my best friend (who I had told about X and my's previous dates 5 years ago,) suddenly said, lightheartedly, thanks for introducing us, it's s funny that you guys have been on a date and now you are introducing him to me!
Well, he went from happy smiling to a face like thunder and he stopped speaking to me. It became awkward very quickly. Eventually my best friend asked him what was wrong and he said "your friend, who cannot keep her mouth shut." I sad Excuse me? He said "you just couldn't resist telling her about our dates, could you? Well I'll have her know that I dumped YOU." I said listen, she only knows because she has been my best friend for years and knew about my life back then. He said "Oh you were interviewing lots of men at the time, does she know about all of them? I saw Paul (a mutual friend of X and I) the other day. He said you were "Interviewing" him too, and leading him on." I was completely baffled and taken aback. I had never dated Paul or even indicated I was interested. He then launched a tirade at me in front of my best friend that I was a gossip and couldn't resist telling people all the juicy details about everything and one day it will come back to haunt me - like now. That in fact, he was doing everybody a favour and telling me once and for all to stop gossiping. Then various other little misogynistic comments like "I'm sure your DH would like to know how many men you were leading on at the time that you started dating him..."
It was all a bit nasty and filled with insecurity on his part. I excused myself and went to the ladies loos and cried. When I came back he was very apologetic, but I ended up leaving early and leaving them to it.
Anyway, next day had a text conversation with best friend who was in shock that he took her comment so badly but had agreed to a second date because she and he got on (!????).I apologised for introducing them and said it probably wasn't a good idea they saw each other again, but up to her. She said "he told me you'd say that." !!!
Second date was today - I was aiming to stay as far out of it as possible, but he called me from a number I didn't recognise. "What do you know about today?" he asked." I said "nothing. I just knew that you were meeting again. I hope it went well and you both had a nice time."
Then he says "you keep tabs on me 24/7 don't you?" I said "no. It's normal that my best friend would tell me she was going on a date with you." He said "no, you have an abnormal interest from you in my love life. More opportunities for you to gossip I expect?" I said "absolutely not. You are defensive and insecure." and put the phone down.
Best friend is now not replying to my messages. What is going on?
Obviously I get that he is monstrously insecure and it was a real mistake to reconnect with him and/or introduce him to my best friend, but what am I supposed to do now?
DH is mad at him for making me upset and wants to "have a word" but I am playing it down, because I feel that what he said about telling my DH about me leading others on when DH and I first started dating might rock the boat.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I have let an utterly insecure arsehole infiltrate my life
85 replies
Garfunkeaunders · 28/02/2017 21:46
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
0dfod ·
01/03/2017 02:09
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.