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someone help me see sense please

(9 Posts)
newchapterforme Tue 28-Feb-17 21:22:23

I broke up with my partner of 6 years at the beginning of the year. He was a gambler and a compulsive liar, i gave him plenty of chances and we really tried to work things out but i could no longer trust him. We tried everything possible, even had a 6 week separation last year. However that is now done and i am settling in to being on my own with our 2 year old DS.

Throughout all the tough times of the last year I have been supported by work colleagues, one work colleague in particular. We used to work together very closely and so we did confide in each other a lot. He was having lots of problems at home too. I then changed teams and we saw each other less. He broke up with his GF and he was always making the effort to come and see me and chat. Colleagues started to talk but nothing ever happened. When my partner and I split temporarily last year i think something could have definitely happened between us. He used to say things im sure were to test my reaction etc however i chose to go back to my partner and he went back to his GF.

Since then our friendship has continued and we still confide in each other but he has always told me things are much better with him and his GF - up until this week when i have told him i am definitely not getting back with my partner. Hes now saying he is having yet more problems at home and is struggling.

I can't stop thinking about him. We have a great connection but i am not going to pursue something that is going to ruin his relationship that may be able to be fixed.

I'm not sure what i am expecting replies to be i think i just needed to write it down.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Tue 28-Feb-17 21:38:48

Dangerous. He needs to decide whether he wants to be with his partner or not, first and foremost. Once he had decided that, you take it from there.

Then, if he splits with his partner, you ha r to consider the impact of dating someone you work with.

But do wait until he is free if you decide to pursue it. It will end up in a big mess otherwise flowers

SandyY2K Tue 28-Feb-17 21:43:14

Give yourself time and space alone. You dont want to be a rebound and workplace relationships can cause too much grief. Especially if it's an affair.

scoobydoo1971 Tue 28-Feb-17 21:43:36

I always think relationships at work are a huge risk, regardless of the circumstances. If you break up then you still have to see other over the coffee-machine...or in the car-park. People in work gossip as well which is added pressure.

Since he is in a relationship where he complains about his girl-friend, there is a huge red flag. She might be a huge nightmare, but it isn't showing much loyalty or discretion on his part. He may get involved with you, and then end up getting back with her in the future.

Plenty of men out there...not at work, not in a relationship, not in a relationship they are prepared to leave for you...single uncomplicated men who are happy to know you.

georgethecat Tue 28-Feb-17 23:21:37

Yup don't add to your difficulties. You are fresh out of a relationship, take time to settle.
He needs to sort his relationship out.
A work affair gone wrong is not fun to deal with

Marilynsbigsister Wed 01-Mar-17 07:32:03

I think you have been a bit naive. This man obviously fancies you and is using his girlfriend as a fallback .
He took a punt when you last left your partner but then you spoilt his chances by going back to your former boyfriend. Effectively he is saying (in actions rather than words) that he is free and will leave her the moment you show him the green light. Meanwhile he is happy to string her along. - Not very nice of him.
You need to have an honest word with him and tell him you are not going to be the OW no matter how unwittingly. Time for you to give him advice for a change. 'Leave your girlfriend if you are unhappy - not because you have someone else lined up'

As for workplace relationships, I wouldn't say don't do it. I know a lot of long and happy marriages from people who met at work. It is usually better if work is big and there are options so that you don't need to see each other all the time - or one would be happy to move.

newchapterforme Wed 01-Mar-17 21:51:55

Yes we work in different areas. Our office is quite large(400+ people) so that isn't top much of an issue. However I do think you are all right. It's a messy situation and I'm freshly out of one. Tonight he's posting pictures of him and his girlfriend so I think maybe he's trying to test my reactions but I think going near isn't really a good idea.

Now just to get him out of my mind...

noblame Wed 01-Mar-17 22:03:15

scooby could you please point me into the direction of "Plenty of men out there...not at work, not in a relationship, not in a relationship they are prepared to leave for you...single uncomplicated men who are happy to know you." Thaaaankyou! smile

OP apologies for the above, couldn't resist
You sound very sensible I'm sure you wouldnt do anything silly while your split is still fairly recent and PP all given good advice.

Have some fun with your new found freedom

FritzDonovan Wed 01-Mar-17 22:19:59

I wouldn't bother with him. He's been telling you what he thinks will sound best to you at the time re getting together with you, so at some point he's actually told you untruths (not sure I'd go as far as saying outright lies, but still not honest). Everything was great with his gf again (when you were definitely unavailable) until the very week you split with your oh? Give me a break. He's trying it on.

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