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having a second child

(16 Posts)
agnes158 Tue 28-Feb-17 21:00:59

how did having a second child affect your relationship? honest opinions pls

cafenoirbiscuit Tue 28-Feb-17 23:06:12

One DC to handle each when we went anywhere. We were transfixed about how they related to each other. It was good.

NoShitShylock Wed 01-Mar-17 10:44:51

Watching with interest

GnomeDePlume Wed 01-Mar-17 10:55:40

A bit like cafenoirbiscuit we were taken aback by their relationship. DD1 was 3 years old when DS was born. By that point our family relationship had changed. 'Us' had become DH, DD1 and me. When DS was born for a while we became 'us plus the baby'.

For us DD1 was the big change. Going from one child to two didnt make anything like as much change.

My DCs are now 17, 18 and 21 so 'us' is now changing back to DH and me.

agnes158 Wed 01-Mar-17 13:33:09

that's good to know. i've read things that say it's more like a family unit. but i worry that with the added stress of an extra child my oh and i will be pushed apart (and it's hard enough having time together with just one child)

GnomeDePlume Wed 01-Mar-17 19:20:19

Is number 2 already on the way or are you thinking about ttc?

agnes158 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:31:38

thinking about ttc but very nervously!

Deadsouls Wed 01-Mar-17 19:33:51

Our relationship broke down and we got divorced but that was due to problems in the relationship between us that already existed, not because of having a second child.
Of course we both bought our own issues to the relationship too.

Cinnamon2013 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:39:30

It's funny, I was just thinking about and reflecting on this. Dc2 has just turned one. You will almost certainly love it and won't look back. I listened to them making each other laugh just now and - it is the most amazing thing in the world.

Then DH came home, and I handed over and felt resentful because today has been hard work and I thought - I miss my husband. I really do. We've been extremely tired for a long year. We've had sex less than a handful of times. There's barely any romance, just logistics and hand overs.

I'm sure it'll get better. But to answer your question - it's hard sometimes

NataliaOsipova Wed 01-Mar-17 19:41:35

Agree with the "more like a family unit", I think, probably because, as they get older, the DCs can play together and it's lovely to watch their relationship with each other. I won't lie - it's harder with two and I'm the early days you get less time with your DH because it does tend to be "one child each". When they get a bit older, though (obviously, depending on the age gap) they will (hopefully) play together, which means you get a bit more time together as they amuse each other!

ThermoScan Wed 01-Mar-17 19:42:18

Yes,it does,the more children you have the harder it is to focus on the family you already have whether that means partner or existing children.But I have 3 and wouldn't change anything!

AcrossthePond55 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:48:53

I don't think it really changed anything 'drastically' for us when we had DS2. He fit right in with the family dynamics from day one. DS1 was 5 though so he was a bit more 'self-sufficient' than a younger sibling would have been. I think the adjustment would be harder if you had a toddler who was still clingy or more dependent on parent care.

Ellieboolou27 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:59:02

Honestly..... the first year nearly broke us, now though it's like we are complete as a family, we both forgot how hard having a baby was and being slightly older parents found it bloody exhausting.

agnes158 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:03:55

thanks for all your thoughts ladies. our dd is 2 and coming up to 3 so i'm thinking of waiting until she is at school before ttc. although by then we'll have had a taste of things getting slightly easier (am i right??) so might be harder to go back to nappies with all the strain within our relationship that comes with it

GnomeDePlume Wed 01-Mar-17 21:15:42

Having three DCs with two under two was hard work but I dont think it ever threatened to drive DH & I apart. We have always managed to find the humour in the situation. Lax parenting helps!

AcrossthePond55 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:51:25

DS1 was in kindergarten when DS2 was born. It was really nice as he was old enough to feel like a 'helper' rather than feeling completely pushed out by a new baby. Naturally he needed and got the extra attention a sibling needs with a new baby, but he was also very proud to be able to help out by bringing me nappies, handing me soap during baths, rocking his brother in the cradle and singing him 'to sleep'.

It also gave me time with DS2 on our own when DS1 was in school, as well as DS1 having time 'on his own' at school with his classmates. He actually 'brought' DS2 to class for show and tell.

There is a bit of 'oh here we go, we're back to nappies and no sleep' when your first child is old enough that you're beginning to be able to have a bit of a lie in some mornings before your second comes along, but it's not something that comes as a huge shocker. You've done it all before and you know it'll end eventually.

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