Madly deeply in love with another woman - should I go for it?

[Snowglie]

Hi there,

I am so lucky to have found myself truly madly deeply in love with another woman. She is 10 years older than me. I have been divorced for around a year and am now settling in my own house with two primary aged DC.

The feelings I have for her are incredible. I never knew life could be this good with a partner - don't get me wrong, it's not all plain sailing and we challenge each other in our thoughts and feelings, but it's still just GREAT!

I've never been one for playing the field or multiple partners, but there wasn't much of a gap between leaving ex husband and falling for her.

Although it FEELS just right, I need to hear some rational thoughts from unbiased outsiders.

We are not "out" to many people. Currently it's only her family (who think we're a great couple), three of my best friends and a few of her friends. We work in the same field (although not same place) so our paths cross frequently and there are many shared acquaintances - none of these yet know. I've never before crossed work and personal life.

My DC know her as a really good friend and ask when we will see her again - she is really great with them, kind, clear, firm and boundaried.

Do we just go with it? I love her!!

[JangleJem]

Of course you do!
What a glorious post and what a glorious time for you both.
It's wonderful to read such depth of passion and happiness.
When you know, you know.

[wobblywonderwoman]

Of course! You know it is the right thing to do.. Don't live your life regretting what you didn't do.

[OSETmum]

I don't see the problem here at all...

[Ohyesiam]

Wow, what a beautiful thing to hear!
Yes, absolutely go for it.
Wishing you so much happiness.

[whirlygirly]

Aw. I'm generally an unemotional old goat and this even made me a little teary eyed. Go for it

[user1487175389]

Yeah, go for it. Sounds fab

[Glitterkitten24]

I read your post with an increasingly big grin on my face! Your happiness is so apparent in your words, it's lovely!
Go for it- why wouldn't you?

[TheSnorkMaidenReturns]

How lovely. Go for it .

[Obsidian77]

Go for it. Hope you'll be very happy together.

[Tootsiepops]

You must! You sound very happy and in love

[BlueFolly]

It depends what you mean by 'go for it'?

Do you mean just tell everyone and be happy, or are you talking about getting married and stuff? If the latter then maybe it is a bit quick.

[InstinctivelyITry]

OP I agree with the others... Go for it... love is precious !!

[Haribotangfastic]

After 15 years of a mostly unhappy, mentally abusive marriage I also fell head over heals in love with a woman soon after finding the courage to leave my ex. I have three children (2 teens and a 6 year old).
I had only ever been with my ex (20 years) and got together very young. To find myself head over heels with a woman completely came out of the blue. Our relationship is amazing and I never believed love could be like this.
My children think the world of my partner and there have never been any issues at all with our relationship.
Your post reminded me so much of me. Good luck op and grab this happiness with both hands

[Wayfarersonbaby]

Yes, go for it!!!!!

Congratulations

[Littlelegs19]

Ahh how wonderful! At the end of the day if your both happy that's all that matters! Go for it

[Winniethepooer]

I wonder if your new partner was a man, if you would have had such a positive response... I doubt it.

You know what? Its great you've found someone but why the rush to get the dc involved? Family etc?

Have fun. Relax. See how it pans out in a good few months time. Your dc have dealt with their parents marriage breaking down. Learning their mum is a lesbian will be alot to deal with.

You might not get such a positive response in RL.

Good luck.

[Snowglie]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have thought a lot about it being another woman instead of a man, and have wondered if this actually matters.

I don't think it does - am I just naiive?

I agree that life is too short and can take sudden unfortunate twists and turns. If I put it all on hold for a bit so there is some space between getting divorced and moving on with someone else, will this make it better for the children, for me or for others? Or is it just to make others feel better about the change?

I know I'm biased but I think in this difficult world we should perhaps take happiness where we can.

If you have stories where it went pear shaped I'd like to hear them.

Thank you.

[Winniethepooer]

MN is a weird place...

Seriously think about your bloody kids, of course leave sone space.

Would you have a new boyfriend around your dc?

A girlfriend is even more complex.

[Snowglie]

How much space did you leave, Winnie?

[Winniethepooer]

4 years.

[Snowglie]

How did your DC feel about "sharing" you?

[Winniethepooer]

They had a good relationship with their dad & his wife.

I did it very slowly. Ds was 9 & dd was 7.

They seen it as a totally positive thing. Dp didn't move in for a long time.

Dp & I were together for 18 years. Currently seperated with 4 dc of our own. I wouldn't dream of introducing anyone to my younger dc.

[Snowglie]

But it would seem Winnie that even with 2 DC, you went ahead and lived with another DP and had 4 more children with your new P?

I'm not talking about moving in together or having more children - I'm just asking the mumsnet universe if I should let myself carry on being in love with her although even after nearly a year she makes me feel fizzy with excitement and shiny and loved.

It's lovely to be able to love and be loved. I feel like it's making me a better mum - am I deluded?

[0riole]

Good for you. Life is too short.

Although in saying that, there is a member on here I'm besotted (also both female) with and yet can't get the courage to confess. Doh

[cafesociety]

Well it went pear shaped for me Snow, I had 2 DC and was in the state of mind you are in now. We were the love of each others lives. I deeply regret my naïve decision and wish I'd thought it through instead of thinking life it would change my life for the better.
My experience/s have showed me that some women can be as treacherous, deceitful and shallow as some men...cause hurt and leave devastation behind them. Real life means nothing is guaranteed....and even more painful when DC's are affected.
Sorry but it is true. I also know a couple of 'committed' women who have had a civil partnership/joint house/investments etc who are going through an acrimonious break up, causing illness and no end of mental turmoil for the one who has been left [and cheated on but has yet to find out].